Today has been a day of contemplation. One quote from If I Stay, one of my very
favorite books in the whole world, keeps bouncing around in my head like a
computer screensaver:
“Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices
make you.”
Nothing could be farther from the truth for me. For the first half of my life, I was sure
everything was happening to me because I was cursed, or God hated me. Then there came a time where I grew an adult
brain and realized that there are illnesses, patterns, and unbroken chains of
learned behavior that take root deep in the heart of families.
In the last 2 years I have really begun to heal from the trauma of my
early life and realize that whether I liked it or not, a choice made me.
When I listen to the stories of some of these girls who
survived sex trafficking, sexual assault, sexual abuse, and other traumas in
their lives, I find parts of my story in their story. It never really
clicked for me until after hearing me speak, several women would corner me in
tears and hug the breath out of me and whisper in my ear, “Thank you. You just told my story."
Then it hit me. How
many of us are there? How many of us are
still trapped in bondage, fear, shame, and self-hate? How many of us are trapped in terrible
situations because we blame ourselves for what happened to us? Something welled up inside of me until it seemed that every cell in my body would come undone.
Sometimes choices make you.
At first, I tried to avoid it like Jonah, only there wasn't
a whale to swallow me up. No matter what I did, every door I
opened led to the same situation, and it all ended the same way. I needed to use my life to help others. I needed to share my story because someone
out there needs to hear it. They need
the spark of light in their lives to set them on fire for change. This is how we break the cycle. This is how we cure poisoned families. There is a cure for the poison that eats us from the inside. The cure is us.
Last night, I was able to go with some of my Damsel sisters
to see In Plain Sight, a movie about the reality of sex trafficking in
America at Compassion First's screening and experience exhibit. It’s something that is swept
under the rug, but it happens every single day in every single town in every
single corner of the world. It’s
happening in your town, maybe even your neighborhood. There is one common denominator through every
story I have heard from someone who was coerced into sex trafficking. They were all sexually abused in one way,
shape, or form long before they were ever sold for sex.
The scope of my life hit me a little hard last night. As I watched these girls talk about their
experiences, falling in love with the wrong guy, being coerced by a pimp, and learning that a runaway is more than likely approached by a trafficker in the
first 48 hours of running away, I was floored. There was a moment I felt like I was trapped in a twisted version of 'It's a Wonderful Life' watching what could have been had I not been sent away when I was. I dodged that bullet by less than a hair. I was rescued the very day that hell would
have begun for me. I was saved within a couple of hours of my departure into this life. I was so tired, so done with being abused that I was willing to leave my family for the life I thought I was trained for. I gave up, but God had different plans for me. I was saved. So many aren't. Why was I spared when so many other girls are
not so lucky?
 |
| Compassion first showcased a screening of In Plain Sight along with an exhibit showing the realities of sex trafficking. |
Trauma continued in my life, but it went a different
direction than being sold for money. I wasn't supposed to go that direction because I know in my heart I wouldn't have survived it, and God had bigger plans for me. So many times I can clearly see how His hand were working
in my life, from the dozens of times he saved me as a child and young adult to
the times he placed the same choice in front of me through every door, no matter how I tried to hide from myself.
Sometimes choices make you.
I don’t know what is in store for my in 2015, but I know it
is coming. My emotions are too
heightened and raw to see clearly thought the pain and sadness I feel about
what I learned last night. I want to set
the world on fire and shake everyone until they wake up and see what is
happening to these children. 100,000
children are sold for sex every year.
Not in Cambodia or Indonesia, not in a third world country. Right here in the United States of
America. Our children. This has got to stop.
Mothers selling their children for pickup trucks, letting
drug dealers molest their daughters for drugs, men paying to perform sex acts
with little girls and boys, it has got to end.
You can’t close your eyes to it.
You can’t ignore it. I won’t let
you.
I don’t need to know today what the future holds for me in
the fight against children sold into trafficking. I know these beautiful starfish are all
stranded on the beach withering away in the baking sun, and I can’t save them all, but I know there is a plan,
and God will let me see it clearly when it is time.
What I need to know is are you with me?
If you want to know more about what my team is doing to help in the fight against sex trafficking in our back yards, please email me at Sunshine@YourDamselDiva.com
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