#thisisme

Now that my emotions are more under control and Damsel in Defense's 2018 conference is over, I've had some time to sit with my on-stage experience this year.

5 years ago, I spoke my truth (and by spoke my truth, I mean emotionally vomited as much of it as I could get out in 11 minutes) to 250 people, most of who were strangers to me. Those 250 people have since become my core family. They know me. They know my deepest darkest truths. Fast forward 5 years and 900 people in front of me....I'll be honest, I'm a true ENFP, so I didn't do the math.

Even 4 years ago, it was so fresh that everyone still knew my story, and any new people had been told about it.  Most of them found me and thanked me through tears as they shared their truth with me while we hugged and cried our faces off, but I was still in this very uncomfortable place. I still felt like I had been caught, and shame whispered horrible untruths in my ear. I was incapable, incompetent,  and unable to really make a difference. Who was I fooling?

3 years ago, my story was basically the stuff of legends.  This one girl this one time had a story that broke everyone's hearts. We were rolling out SAFE Hearts, and the promo video had a ten second watered down blurb of my story, so it seemed that I could be removed from it a little bit. The pressure was off. No one would ever have to know that I was incapable,  incompetent,  and unable. 

2 years ago,  my speaking career started to take off, and I grew into my story. I owned it. You see, I came to the realization that I am not the sum of the broken pieces in my heart. I am the artist who put those pieces back together more beautiful and meaningful than they could have ever been sculpted by the hands of another. Had I not realized that, what happened this weekend would have wrecked me.

Now that I have had time to sit with the impact and do the math, I realize that 650 people in that room (none of this includes staff and production) did not know me, and now know the single worst moment in my timeline. The moment that steals the breath from their lungs and crushes their hearts. Because I was strong enough to stand with my warrior sisters on that stage, 650 more people know that no matter what has happened in your life, there is peace and healing on the other side. 

YOU ARE THE SCULPTOR OF YOUR BROKEN PIECES.

I had to sit with that today to wrap my brain around it. I threw a stone in the pond SO large, that the ripple it caused will continue to empower people long after this conference is a faded memory. Long after I am a faded memory. 

This is my legacy. 

#thisisme #warrior #thestungungirl #phoenix #iamthestorm