Monday, November 10, 2014

If you only knew that you aren't alone

Tonight as I was sifting through piles and piles of scribbled notes and research for my book, I found a post it note that stopped me in my tracks.  Through the process of this whole crazy roller coaster ride of life I happen to be strapped in against my will, I have to keep remembering that this isn't for me.  This is for you.

The times I stare at blank sheets of paper and literally have arguments with the pen about putting the words down, the times I want to run and hide in the closet, and the times I don't think I can open that door again are for you, because you are still in the dark.

If you're hurting, or terrified, or thinking of hurting yourself, you're not alone.  There are so many people trapped in the darkness, hiding under blankets of shame, afraid of being found out, and terrified to face themselves in the mirror.  It's for you that life that was once buried deep under the ground encased in concrete that was encased in steel and covered with land mines behind fences that grew taller and thicker for miles and miles is now unearthed and on display.

In my endless stack of research and scribbles, there are endless emails from you.  I'm scared.  I'm terrified.  I'm lost.  I can't do this.  They all say the same thing:  Help me.

So I go on, and I will continue, and this book will be completed, and God will do with it what He sees fit to do, but until then, I want you to know that I am your biggest cheerleader.  I will carry this light and shine it into the darkness until you see me, and through that, I only hope you see yourself for what you really are.

On the crisp little yellow sticky note were the words that I scribbled in between two thoughts so I wouldn't forget: So many of you out there are hiding and hurting because of the shame you feel.  If you only knew that you aren't alone, and how beautiful and strong you are, imagine what you could accomplish!

Your travels are not over, and your work is far from done.  Your pain will remain as long as you hide from what caused it.  There is healing here.

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