You can't save them all

Today at the gun show in Portland a husband wanted to buy a Sock It To Me for his wife. She held out her finger and said, I don't need that, I have this."

It led me on a journey of nerdism. According to rough numbers, I have determined that it would only take a 30 pound kid stomping on your finger. There are also several joints in your finger that are easily torked, and all of the nerves running through there make your fingers a dangerous weapon....to you.

One of the first self defense holds I ever learned was using the other person's finger to take away their leverage. 

Then there is the issue of DNA. in order to use your finger as a Sock It To Me,  you're going to have a significant amount of DNA come in contact with you. Most people have a hang nail or two, which leaves you susceptible to blood borne pathogens.....to which she answered, "I work with blood all day, I'm not afraid of it."...

To which I replied, Do you wear gloves when you're working with blood?"

Her response was yes.

I asked, "Are you wearing gloves right now?"

Her response was no.

So I asked, "If you work with blood, you know how dangerous it can be because you've taken a blood borne pathogen class, right?"

She's said yes.

So I asked, "Do you have specialized tools at work to do your job?"

She's said yes.

I ended with, "Doesn't it make sense then that you would be better off using a specialized tool in the event someone attacked you to save you from bodily injury or deadly infection? "

She's said yes.

I said, "Wouldn't it be amazing for a specialized tool like that to only cost ten dollars?"

She's said yes.

I said, "This Sock It To Me is only ten dollars, and it would make surviving an attack much easier, wouldn't it?"

She's said yes.

I asked her what color she wanted.  She said, "I don't need that, I have this" and showed me her finger, then walked away leaving both her husband and I staring at each other with our jaws on the floor.

You can't save them all, but you hope something sticks.

Save your finger, get a Sock It To Me at yourdamseldiva.com

Xoxo
The Stun Gun Girl

Motivation Monday-Top 5 things you need to be a leader

Being a leader isn't something that always comes naturally, and even for natural leaders, there are five skills you should master.

1. Be approachable-You can't think of yourself as better than even the newest person on your team.  Remember when you didn't know what you were doing and you asked a million questions?  Your team leader hopefully answered them gracefully and patiently.  It's time to return the favor.  Return messages, phone calls, and emails from your team. 
2. Walk the talk- If you're not practicing what you preach, your team will see that, it they will find it acceptable.  If you're going to talk the talk, be ready to walk the walk because the biggest success comes from your team duplicating a good program set forth by you.  All of your future team leaders beneath you will start out by following in your footsteps.  What path are you showing them?
3. Be an example-If you want to set a professional example for your team, be professional.  You can only set expectations by being a good example and leading your team by your actions and behavior.  
4. Always be teaching- Use every opportunity you can to teach and motivate your team.  
5. Honesty- If your'e not honest, you build your foundation on falsification.  Honesty and transparency are qualities that every good leader has.  If you don't want to be honest, go into politics.  Your team needs you to share your struggles and your successes.  Sharing your struggles after you've learned from them can help clear debris out of the path of your team.  

Remember, you're a trail blazer.  You are showing your team the way to the top.  Being a leader is a responsibility, not a right.  

XOXO

The Stun Gun Girl

Invest your tax return in a new business

Joining this team is one of the most amazing things I've ever done. Are you ready to help me fight human trafficking by spreading awareness and zapping stun guns?

Http://www.yourdamseldiva.com

Motivational Mondays-Feeling unsupported

 “The worst part is that my friend started doing [enter business here] and she’s watched me try to grow this business for six months, she’s never hosted a party for me, but she’s pushing me to buy from her every day now.”

“Everyone invites me to their events for their business but never comes to any of mine.”

“I shop with [enter business] all the time.  I share their business with everyone, and I send everyone to them.  I sing their praises all the time, but they have never, ever, not even once shared my business, purchased from me, hosted a party, or come to an event.”

There are times when it feels like everyone with a business is just focused on making sure you see them without ever paying attention to anyone else's business.  When you’re feeling down about your own business, these feelings amplify.  I have seen friends stop being friends because both of them started different businesses and were so focused on themselves that they forgot about each other.

We all want our businesses to be noticed.  We all want our friends and family to support us in everything we do.  We all want the praises we sing for other businesses to be sung about us in return.

This rarely happens, and you can’t measure your success by using the people who don’t shop with you as the ruler.

Every single day, even top earners in your company have to wake up and make a choice.  Do I work my business today, or do I let yesterday’s failures lead the way?  What do you think they choose?

If the very top of your upline spent as much time dwelling on the people who don’t do business with her, would she be at the top of your upline?  Not at all.  Does that mean she never feels what you’re feeling?  Absolutely not.  Every person who has ever owned a business has struggled with feeling unsupported. 

Should you stop singing the praises of businesses you love just because they don’t sing back?  No way!  Just because your favorite local business isn't doing business with you now doesn't mean that they never will, unless you stop loving them out of spite.  Why don’t they return the favor?  There isn't a need right now.  Does that mean there never will be?  No.  Keep singing, because when they do realize a need for your business, they are going to remember your connection with them and do business with you instead of someone else.

Keep working on the relationships you build with other local businesses.  Set the bar for how you wish all businesses behaved and let that bar dictate your actions.  Stop focusing on all of the people who don’t notice you and focus on the ones who do.  You will see so many businesses rise and fall around you.  One of the things that makes businesses fail faster than ice in a hot oven is focusing on the nagging negative like people who don’t support you, join other teams instead of yours, or never do business with you.  The businesses that succeed roll up their sleeves and find the people who will support them, will join their teams, and will do business.  Be the reason someone chooses to do business with your company.  Go out there and work it.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-On the path to becoming whole

The story is often the same.  Predators seek out young pre-teen boys and girls with risk factors that make them easy to manipulate.  Risk factors often stem from any kind of abuse they experience from the people who are supposed nurture them.  Kids have a deep need to be loved and listened to, and predators know that.  Predators have a network of people who help them discover these children. 

Unlike on television, most human trafficking isn’t like a scene from Taken.  Most sex trafficking victims were not stolen from their beds or drug into a van on their way home from school.  Most of them already have broken spirits and desperately want to be saved.  Several times I have heard trafficking victims recount coming in contact with people who wanted to save them, and they thought, “I’ve already been saved,” because the life they are living as a trafficking victim is a better fate than they lived before.  At least they have a pimp who loves them at the end of the day.  He may be rough, call them every name in the book, beat them, and rape them, but he loves them.  He’s told them he loves them.  In one recent interview for Wonder Woman Wednesday, the girl who didn’t want to be named said her pimp used to say, “I love you so much, you’re gonna make me kill you, aren’t you?”  She believed it.  In her mind, with manipulated thinking patterns, she saw that as the most you could possibly be loved.

Lynda Oddo and her dog Ryder

Today I want to introduce you to Lynda Marie Oddo from Yonkers, New York.  Her parents, both drug addicts and alcohol, didn’t place her and her sibling as a priority at all.  One fateful day, they were taken away by the state and placed in separate foster homes.  Lynda was sexually abused in one of those foster homes when she was 6, and she was terrified to say anything.  When she was ten, an aunt and uncle with a loving family finally got her out of foster care and adopted her, but the damage had already been done.  She’d experienced sexual abuse already, started smoking cigarettes at age 7, pot by age 10, and by 13 she was using drugs, so she never felt she fit into this strait-laced family.  She was smart, but behind in school, she skipped classes, then she ran away.  She was a slightly overweight 16-year-old with zero self-esteem, and a desperate desire to be loved.

Lynda had a crush on a man with a hot dog truck named Joseph Defies, who acted like a gangster rapper.  Defeis introduced her to his friend Andy Fakhoury.  The two of them took her to parties, gave her drugs, and eventually, when she knew she would be in trouble at home for a bad report card, she ran away with them to go to a party. 

Joseph Defies on trial for his crimes

The men picked her up and took her to a hotel in Atlantic City where they partied until they passed out.  Lynda was drugged and could barely move when Fakhoury raped her.  She was terrified of him the next day because he acted like nothing had happened.  It happened again, and then Defeis started convincing her to sleep with people for money. 

She did it once, and she told them she would never do it again, but it was too late.  She had nowhere to go, no money to care for herself, and she felt trapped. 

Meanwhile, her uncle Steve Oddo and his four sons were breaking down doors trying to find her with no luck.

Lynda’s pimps kept her so drugged that often times she would be drooling on herself.  They also trapped another teenage girl into the same life, and the four of them moved to Rhode Island where indoor prostitution was legal, and proceeded to sell the girls for money on sites like backpage and craigslist.  Lynda, who looked younger than 16, was often forced to lie about her age and say she was much younger than she really was.

Andrew Fakhoury at his sentencing hearing

The two men also sold marijuana from their apartment and set up a music booth to make rap videos to celebrate the thug life.  Fakhoury called himself “Kash” and Defeis called himself “Jemz”, and they would rap about being gangsters in videos that showed them cruising around in a black SUV flashing fistfuls of hundred dollar bills.

They gave the girls drugs, didn’t allow them out of the apartment alone, and never in daylight.  They threatened them, beat them, told them they were worthless pieces of garbage and whores.

Lynda tried to escape a few times, but Defeis would always lure her back with promises of them finally being able to be a family.  Sometimes, after a long day of work, the four of them would sit on the couch and watch movies like they were just four friends again.  When the women fell asleep, Fakhoury would rape them, and if they fought back, he would beat them. 

When Lynda was 19, she was rescued by the police.  She is now 24 and she still struggles with addiction,  shame, self-worth, and the haunting memories of a sex trafficking victim.  Still, she fights those demons every day, offering up her story so that someone else in her situation might not feel as alone as she has.  She’s also connected with other victims in hopes that she can help them. 

Some days she curls up in a ball of tears and wants to disappear, but other days she wants to take up the fight against trafficking.

Lynda Oddo walks Ryder

Many of the trafficking stories you find are from women who are much farther in their healing path, and have established clear lines in the fight against sex trafficking, but at some point, they were all in Lynda’s footsteps, felling lost, vulnerable, ashamed, and dirty inside.  Escaping sex trafficking is the smallest part of the work they have ahead of them, which makes advocacy so important.

Lynda, you are not alone.  Your fight is not for nothing.  The shame you feel inside was not put there by you.  If I could say one thing to you, it would be to keep fighting.  Every day, no matter how hard, no matter how scary.  Keep learning, and keep reaching out.  There are huge networks of people who have formed a net to catch you when you fall.  You were not given a clear map on life, and you will have to look at someone else’s who has drawn a map from where you are.  Countless survivors have been in your shoes where you are right now.  You are not the first, you are not the only, and you are not alone. 

This week, Lynda receives the title of Wonder Woman Wednesday for her passion to spread awareness, for her survival, and for her dedication to helping others push back the darkness and shine the light.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Mother Mary

Need I say more?

Wonder Woman Wednesday-A sex trafficking victim speaks out

Every once in a while, there comes a story so tragic and so painful that it hurts the bones in your body to hear it.  Without the bravery of the women who come forward to share their triumphs and tragedies, the darkness will always prevail and no one will be able to see their way out. 

This is one of those stories.  All I know about her is that her name is Dellena, and she has suffered.  As I listened to her story, I was in awe of the bravery she had as the words that came from her heart painted a picture of a shattered childhood filled with pain and despair.  But it was the light that shined from her as she talked about her survival that hit me the most. 

Dellena is my Wonder Woman Wednesday recipient because we need to know that these things are happening.  We know sex trafficking is a real thing, but there are so many people who don’t understand it. 

WARNING, if you have been a victim of sexual assault, sexual abuse, or sex trafficking, you may find this story too hard to watch.  There are a few extremely graphic descriptions of the events of her life that may be very hard to view.  Viewer discretion is advised.    

If you or someone you know is a survivor and you think they should be considered for Wonder Woman Wednesday, please contact sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.

Hug the people you love like there's no tomorrow

Tonight I got to share some time with a friend.  Since I've known her, she's fought the good fight against the breast cancer ravaging her body.  I watched her go through so many terrible phases in the aggressive treatments they were giving her, but she did it with grace, dignity, a full heart, and a smile.  She never, ever complained, even when I knew that every cell in her body was screaming with pain and suffering.

I cared for her babies while she healed from each terrible dose of each horrible drug they pumped into her body.  They were always strong and hopeful, even knowing the terrible possibilities.  Even after seeing their mamma be so sick that she couldn't lift her own head.

Yes, she fought the good fight, and we hugged all the time.  We hugged each other, we hugged them, and we hugged those babies all the time, and we never once doubted that she'd survive.  She is a fighter, and you know what?  She kicked cancer's butt.

Over the next several months, she grew strong, her hair came back, and she had the golden ticket of life.  All that pain, all that suffering, it was worth it, because now she would get to see her babies grow up and resume riding her horses.

A few weeks ago, I took school photos for her babies, who had now grown in years since God introduced them into our lives.  She was strong.  It had been months since her reconstructive surgery, which you don't get to have unless you're well enough.  I was so glad that I could hug her and hold onto her without hurting her.  There were no drainage tubes, central lines, or any other medical equipment to contend with.  That was history.

The photos were done, and they were smashing.  Those bright little lights in those babies showed right through to the printed copies of themselves.  I couldn't wait for the reveal, because they were beautiful.  A beautiful set of photographs for a beautiful family.

On that day, we got the call.  The cancer was back, and it was more aggressive than ever before.  It was as if Death was so angry that she cheated him, he was going to make her pay for it, not only with the swiftness of her life, but the agony of her dying.

I was in disbelief.  Denial.  The more I thought about the stages of grieving, the more angry I became.  I wanted to scream, cry, punch something, and hug everyone I love like there was no tomorrow.

Now I dreaded the photo reveal.  I dreaded looking into the eyes that just weeks ago were filled with life, hope, and thankfulness.  I didn't think I could do it.  I almost thought of running away, or dropping them off in the middle of the night...no, I couldn't do that.  Who does that to a friend.

So, I strapped on my big girl boots, and did what every red blooded American woman would do, I made my husband open the door.  As I watched them pour into my living room, I almost completely lost my mind.  The kids were so happy to be in my home, they didn't hesitated to dive into play.  The husbands went into another room to talk about whatever husbands talk about when one of them is about to loose their best friend and life companion.

And there, I was, alone with my friend.  The changes in her body happened so fast.  I wanted to beg her not to leave, to push her to fight, to make her scream at the top of her lungs, but I didn't.  I sat next to her and laid my head in her lap and looked into her tired weary eyes, and they were still smiling.  Her grace and poise gave me a little peace.  Not much, but a little.  I wanted so badly to ask her if she was freaking out, but what friend would do that?  Instead, we just sat in silence for a long time.  She understood everything I was feeling.

After that, we made some small talk, like there was this big fat elephant in the room that we were ignoring.  I don't care if that cancer is the last endangered elephant on the face of the planet, I would blow it away if I had a bazooka.  I watched the babies play, and I never left her side.  I didn't ask the hard questions, because I already knew the answers.

Yes, she is dying.  Yes it will be soon.  No, nobody knows, but the doctors say 2 weeks to 2 months.  We can hope for more, but we shouldn't if it's too painful and terrible.

I'm sad.  I'm angry.  I'm way more than angry.  I'm angry in a way that only explicit language can begin to scratch the surface of, but I'll spare you any of that.  I feel guilty that I unplugged a little when she became well.  I'm lost because I don't know what to do.  I worry about those babies when the realization hits that mommy is going to be gone.  I'm heartbroken for her husband, who will be left with three little ones to manage alone.  I want to scream, cry, punch things, and freak out, but I know I can't.  I want to pray for God to take her pain away, even if that means taking her, but I can't bring myself to do it.  I'm in shock.

When they left, we hugged like we were saying goodbye.  As the door closed, and I was left alone with my tear stained thoughts, I was given just another big fat slap on the face as to how temporary, fleeting, and fragile our lives are.  Hug the people you love.  Hug them like there is no tomorrow, because you never know when there will actually be no tomorrow for any of us.

After the Gasp-a work in progress

As I read through what I have finished of the story of my life so far, I am beginning to feel more comfortable in my own skin, even though things I'm revealing are very scary.  Today as I read the introduction, an overwhelming sense of peace came over me.

I have been fighting against writing this book since it became clear that I was supposed to do it.  You can ask anyone who has nudged, supported, encouraged me, and flat out pushed me along the way to not give up.  In my eyes, I kept wondering what the heck it was that they saw in me that would give them the idea to put energy into convincing me to write this book.

I'm starting to see it.  It's becoming clear, and I don't feel like I'm poking my brain with a sharp stick anymore when I think about completing it.  For the longest time, I would sit down to work on it, look around, and notice....well look at that.  I haven't scrubbed the baseboards of the kitchen for a long time.  I better do that first.

Because it was while reading over the introduction that I became freed from the bondage of letting my life be a tool to help others, I am going to share it with you today.

After the Gasp-The Death of Shame

Introduction

There comes an unfailing moment every opportunity I have to tell the story of my life when time stands still.  It always comes at the same point in my story when I begin speaking about the 12th year of my life.  Gravity pulls my body heavily as if the earth is trying to absorb me through osmosis, and everything starts grinding to a painful halt.  I know the sentence is coming.  I lived it.  I wrote it in my speech.  I have said it before, but its weight is never less.  Frantically, I try to ignore the fact that it’s coming, but no matter what I do, it happens.  In one terrible ragged breath, the moment arrives.  Bright burning lights shine down making me overly aware of the space I fill.  I can feel it pressing in on me like I’m a tin can sinking to the bottom of the ocean.  Suddenly the crowd disappears into blinding blackness.  I want to see them.  I want to plead with them not to let me go on.  I want them to come pull me off the stage and tell me, “It’s okay, you don’t have to do this, if it’s too hard, we understand.”  They never do.

The glittering microphone sits heavily in my hand.  I wonder if everyone can see how much it trembles, because in my eyes, it looks like I’m in the uncontrollable end stages of Parkinson’s disease.  I breathe the heat from the lights in and it scrapes all the way down my throat and burns through my soul.  Then I say it, the sentence that changes everything.  The gasp from the crowd is so large that it seems as though all of the air has been sucked from my lungs and into theirs.  I want to run and hide, to be invisible.  Suddenly I know what Quasimodo felt like when the crowd at the Festival of Fools realized he wasn't in costume, but instead a big ugly deformed monster in their eyes.  Thoughts of escape flood my mind at warp speed, and then it hits me.  It’s not the air that has been sucked from my lungs, but pain of what I had to endure being pulled from my body.  Everything that happens before the gasp and much that happens after is very deeply raw.  I feel God nudging me forward, reminding me that I would be no better than the people who inflicted pain on me if I didn't give the crowd the gift of knowing there is life after the gasp.

Self proclaimed romance coach teaches rape tactics

#fightingback #pushbackthedarkness THIS Damsel is going
to shine a light on what you're doing

It's men like this that promote a rape culture, victim blaming, and teach men that it's okay to take what you want, no matter what the other person wants.

Teaching tactics like choking and sexually assaulting women is deplorable.

The men standing up to him threatening to rape anyone who stands against Julian Blanc are going to be in for a surprise as Damsel in Defense educates more and more women on not only how to stay safe, but how to fight back, and how to stand up against the evil in this world.

I am furious that this is even a thing!  Help me fight him!  Read all about this insane situation by reading the FOX news story here.  Warning, if you watch the video, it may bring up feelings for survivors of assault.

Let's ban together!  He may not consider putting his hands on someone without permission sexual assault, but what he's teaching is disgusting.

I hope that one of the women he tires to approach and put his hand around her neck is someone that has been equipped with self defense tools, education to use them effectively, and that has been empowered to stand up against anyone who feels like they can take what they want without permission.

No real man would use any of these tactics to get a date.  This is not dating, it's abuse, and once that girl enters into a relationship that begins with abuse, it can very easily escalate to domestic violence.  #shuthimdown
#takedownjulianblanc

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Busting the myths of domestic violence

Everyone has been talking about the murder of Nikki Elias, who was shot to death by her ex-husband, who later shot himself after taking their children from Nikki’s Portland home. 

This week for Wonder Woman Wednesday, I want to talk about domestic violence.

Judge Amy Holmes Hehn, who was the judge in the Elias’ case wrote an editorial for the Oregonian talking about the case and the issue.  If you've ever followed a case like this you will see several similarities.

• Everyone knows there’s a problem
• Restraining and stalking orders are in place
• The court is involved
• In the end, the more an abusive narcissist loses, the more likely he is to kill his victim

All of these things were in place in the Elias’ case. 

Judge Amy Holmes Hehn

Hehn wrote this editorial in order to shatter the myths about domestic violence.  You can find the entire article here.  It happens too often.  To many people do nothing. 

Gavin De Becker, the author of The Gift of Fear, and world renowned expert wrote, “In (sad) fact, if a full jumbo jet crashed into a mountain killing everyone on board, and if that happened every month, month in and month out, the number of people killed still wouldn't equal the number of women murdered by their husbands and boyfriends each year.”

Wrap your brain around that for a little bit.  I can spout off Domestic violence statistics all day long, but they will never amount to the above statement. 

Recently, two of the girls on my team and I were out at a movie.  We left the movie and saw a man beating up his girl in the parking lot.  Dozens….DOZENS of people walked by and did nothing, not even looking at the man who was choking this woman up against a car.  Nobody did anything as she screamed when she wriggled free.  Nobody, until the three girls dressed like zombies (it was almost Halloween) jumped into action pulling out stun guns and pepper spray.  The fear on that man’s face was pretty darn amazing as he saw three bloody flesh eaters coming for him.  We were the only ones who did anything.

In her article, Holmes calls out the men of the world to start holding each other accountable.   If you see something, say something.

She also breeches the questions, ‘why does she stay’ and, ‘why does she go back’ and ‘why doesn't she just leave?’.  As a survivor, I can say that you will never understand unless you've been abused, but just asking that question feeds victim blaming.  It takes the focus off of the abuser and puts it on the victim.  The problem isn't with her.  Many abuse victims are very successful, intelligent, amazing people who get into a relationship with a person who slowly changes them, taking away their confidence, their zest for life, and their ability to think for themselves.  A domestic violence victim is always trapped in survival mode.  

If we were to look at Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the first one is physiological.  This is survival mode, where you’re just worried about food, water, shelter, and warmth.  The next level is safety, and an abuse survivor never feels safe, so they can never progress past the physiological level.  Above safety comes belonging and love for your friends, family, spouse or lover.  Above that is self-esteem, where we achieve recognition and respect for the mastery of our skills.  The top of the pyramid is self-actualization, where we pursue inner talent and have creativity and fulfillment.  You cannot achieve the next level unless the one you are on is complete.  For those of you who are not victims of abuse or never have been, you have a pretty complete pyramid.  Imagine if your state was destroyed by a devastating natural disaster, and it wasn't safe for you to get out.  You would be trapped worrying about food, water, shelter, and warmth and you would not be pulling out your prize winning painting skills and creating a masterpiece.  Until you felt safe, you wouldn't even feel a sense of belonging and love.  Without that, you wouldn't care about self-esteem. 

In her article, Hehn says, “Everyone needs to educate themselves about domestic violence. “

Not just the people who deal with it.  Everyone. 

If you see something, call 911.  If you hear something, call 911. 

Domestic violence is a public health crisis.

I always say in my Damsel in Defense classes that if we do nothing, the only thing that will change is the statistics of violence against women will continue to rise. 

Judge Amy Holmes has been fighting against domestic violence for 27 years, first as a prosecutor, and now as a judge.  She wrote, “it’s hard not to give up in despair.  As a society, it’s tempting to throw up our hands and walk away saying, ‘there’s nothing we can do.’ That would be a mistake.  There’s a lot we can do.”

Because of her hard work and dedication to survivors in my own back yard, she receives this week’s Wonder Woman Wednesday award.  She is one woman I would love to have lunch with.

Thank you Judge Amy Holmes Hehn for all of your hard work.  The ripple of domestic violence awareness will not stop with you.  It will ring out and make a difference.  At Damsel in Defense, we take violence against women very seriously, and when we lose a woman to a violent partner, it hurts all of us.  

If you or someone you know is #fightingback and making a difference, and you believe she should be nominated for Wonder Woman Wednesday, please email me at Sunshine@YourDamselDiva.com.

If you only knew that you aren't alone

Tonight as I was sifting through piles and piles of scribbled notes and research for my book, I found a post it note that stopped me in my tracks.  Through the process of this whole crazy roller coaster ride of life I happen to be strapped in against my will, I have to keep remembering that this isn't for me.  This is for you.

The times I stare at blank sheets of paper and literally have arguments with the pen about putting the words down, the times I want to run and hide in the closet, and the times I don't think I can open that door again are for you, because you are still in the dark.

If you're hurting, or terrified, or thinking of hurting yourself, you're not alone.  There are so many people trapped in the darkness, hiding under blankets of shame, afraid of being found out, and terrified to face themselves in the mirror.  It's for you that life that was once buried deep under the ground encased in concrete that was encased in steel and covered with land mines behind fences that grew taller and thicker for miles and miles is now unearthed and on display.

In my endless stack of research and scribbles, there are endless emails from you.  I'm scared.  I'm terrified.  I'm lost.  I can't do this.  They all say the same thing:  Help me.

So I go on, and I will continue, and this book will be completed, and God will do with it what He sees fit to do, but until then, I want you to know that I am your biggest cheerleader.  I will carry this light and shine it into the darkness until you see me, and through that, I only hope you see yourself for what you really are.

On the crisp little yellow sticky note were the words that I scribbled in between two thoughts so I wouldn't forget: So many of you out there are hiding and hurting because of the shame you feel.  If you only knew that you aren't alone, and how beautiful and strong you are, imagine what you could accomplish!

Your travels are not over, and your work is far from done.  Your pain will remain as long as you hide from what caused it.  There is healing here.

Let the holiday begin with Damsel in Defense's Black Friday and Cyber Monday sale

I believe that every woman on your Christmas list should receive a stun gun for Christmas, but I'm equally passionate about every child having access to a personal alarm.  They are great for those times when you're at the store and they want to go to the bathroom by themselves, for when they walk to and from school, when you're camping and you want to make sure they have a loud noise in case they get lost, and a million other scenarios that having a personal alarm could save their life.

Damsel in Defense has released their Black Friday/Cyber Monday sale early just because we want you to start thinking about doing something a little different this year.  Instead of supporting a big box store, please support local business owners and keep your money in your local economy.  Instead of giving lotions and potions, please consider giving a gift that could save a life.

You can purchase this excellent deal at http://yourdamseldiva.com, click on SHOP, and find the Black Friday Special on the left hand side!

Wonder Woman Wednesday-A life worth living

We always hear about the horrors of the world around us.  People do terrible things to each other.  Not a day goes by that I don’t get a story about something tragic that happened to a good person, and most of those stories never hit the media.  When people tell me, “The media blows things out of proportion” or, “the media creates a fear based society,” I just want to show them the email bank of stories I have that proves the problem is larger than the media.

Sometimes it seems too big.

Then you read about somebody like Rebecca Bender.  She spent six horrific years of her life trapped and sold into sex trafficking.  Things that happened to her would make you lose sleep at night.  Many people believe that she would be a broken and tortured soul forever, just another victim in the dark people of the world, but not Rebecca. 

Rebecca is a survivor.  She met her trafficker near a college campus in Oregon, she became a victim of abuse, and eventually he trafficked her.  She was sold nationwide for six years, tried to escape many times, was branded twice, and had to endure several traffickers before the FBI raided her home and gave her the means to escape.

Healing was not easy.  It took faith in God and the help of a local church to restore her.  She realized through her process that she could use her life to help others overcome as well.  She grew into her faith, started a ministry, wrote the Roadmap to Redemption, and now she is a renowned consultant and public speaker.   She is also married with children and living a beautiful life.

If you don’t believe you’re worth it, if the darkness in your life is still holding you back, Rebecca is proof that anyone can be an overcomer, no matter what trauma you have experienced. She is now a public speaker, virtual mentor, and consultant for everything from television to investigations.  

Rebecca Bender receives the Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight this week because of her work in helping the broken heal, her willingness to hold a torch in the darkness, and her bravery to be a transparent window to the path of healing.

To learn more about Rebecca Bender, you can find her on the web at rebeccabender.org.

If you have been a victim of sex trafficking, sexual assault, abuse, or domestic violence, you are not alone.  Brave women have walked the same path before you, and have chosen to live a life that matters so that you may find peace and healing in their story.  We can help connect you with local resources in your community that can lead you to a life worth living.  If you or someone you know has a story about #fightingback please email me at Sunshine@YourDamselDiva.com and you may find yourself as a featured Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight.