Tips from the top-What to do when someone in your network unsubscribes

I just came across something that I’m sure you’ll come across in your direct sales business, if you haven’t already.  It can be a mood killer and suck the business right out of your day, but you have to learn how to let it go.  It has nothing to do with you.

So you love a company.  You've sent people to them, you use their services, you've sung their praises to everyone who might remotely want to know who they are.  Then you start a business, and you’re sure that you’ll get business from all of those great local companies you supported.  Besides, you put in all of that free time posting, tagging, spending your own money, and sending others to spend their money, right?

Then you send out a campaign.  Whether you send out a Facebook blast, emails, or a newsletter, and you’re waiting with anticipation to see what comes back, and one of the first thing that does is an unsubscribe from one of the businesses you've sent everyone to and used several times yourself.

You feel it.  It hurts.  You’re angry, and you want to find all of those posts and take them down and un hashtag everything you've ever done, right?  Wrong. 

There are a couple things to remember with a direct sales company.  Businesses get newsletters, junk mail, and inquiries at every turn.  Most companies get to a point where they hire an office manager that all inquiries have to go through, and one of the jobs of the office manager is to be the gate keeper.  No one gets through to the owner.  Why do you think so many telemarketers lie about personal business?  It’s to get past the gate keeper, who is specifically designed in the future and sent back to never let anyone get to the person it’s in charge of protecting.  After all, the future of mankind depends on them….

Well, if they are protecting John Connor.  But you get the idea.

Instead of getting mad, pick up the phone.  Set up a lunch date with them.  Build that relationship because it can’t be built through newsletters alone.  For everyone who unsubscribes, there are three people reading what you have to say, so make sure your content is good.

Another thing to remember is that business owners are busy.  Aren't you busy?  Maybe they haven’t make the connection that you are the person behind your business or newsletter.  Maybe they have ten emails from different people representing the same company sitting in their inbox.  Wouldn't you stand out a little bit if you sent them a card in the mail?

There are so many ways for you to stand out, don’t let one little unsubscribe get to you.  It doesn't mean the end of your relationship until they specifically say, “Take me off your list,” and if you've developed any sort of a relationship with them, they won’t do that to you.  Do you know how many people unsubscribe from newsletters every day?  It would blow you away!

So keep your chin up!  I see an unsubscribe as the face of Number 5 from Short Circuit saying, “Need more input.”

Take these steps to save the relationship:

• Make sure your newsletter or email is factual, well put together, and useful.
• Send a nice handwritten card in the mail
• Set up a lunch or coffee date
• Don't be a repeat offender by sending them another email or adding them back into your newsletter list.
• Find a way to stand out

There are things I wish everyone knew about love.

Today, I was listening to a training call, checking my email, writing, and all of the things that a woman with ADHD does in one moment, and I was stopped in my tracks.

That doesn't happen very often.

There are some things I wish that all humans could learn about love.  I know that is a lot to ask,  but imagine the world if everyone loved deeply.

This is how I live, it's the example I want to be for my children, and it's how I want them to grow up living.  As the tears welled from my eyes while this video played, I knew I had to share that moment with all of you.

I know too many people who are so stuck in their own beliefs that they would rather remove themselves from their loved ones than learn to love past themselves.  I know too many people who believe they are so right, whether it's in their faith, their life journey, or their political party who would rather snub everyone who doesn't agree exactly with them, judge them, and cut them out of their lives than learn to understand.

Today, remove one of your hatreds.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-When she told her mom she had been molested, her dad came to the rescue

One of the strongest methods of healing after surviving abuse is learning that you are not alone.  Out there are thousands and thousands of people who have lived your same story.  Of course, the details aren't going to be the same, time frames will differ, but when it all comes down to it, no matter how often, how intense, or how terrible the abuse was, it leaves you with the same emotional trauma.

Sharing your story is the hardest, yet most freeing way to begin healing and help show others the out of the darkness. 

In a world where we hear terrible stories about parents selling their own children, mothers siding with abusive men over their babies, and terrible things that become family secrets, when someone puts their personal relationships aside and does the right thing and then they share that story, their bravery should be commended.

For the first time ever, Wonder Woman Wednesday goes to a family.  When 10-year-old Breann was molested, she was fortunate enough to have the strength to tell right away.  When it came out that it was her father’s dad, Breann’s parents went above and beyond to protect their little girl. 

If only every child had the love of a mother and father who would both do everything under the sun to protect them, imagine what kind of world we would live in.  If you or someone you know has been sexually abused, do not keep it a secret.  Do not forgive and forget.  Do not let them get away from emotionally, physically, and sexually damaging you for the rest of your life.  Report it to the local authorities.  Tell someone right away.  

If you or someone you know has a story to share, please email sunshine@YourDamselDiva.com.  You never know how many people your story could help.

Shared Hope International Webcast Wednesday March 4, 2015

This just came from Shared Hope International:

This Wednesday, March 4, Shared Hope International will be convening experts from around the country in our nation's capital for an advance release of our JuST Response State Systems Mapping Report. This report compares some of the most progressive approaches currently being implemented to connect trafficked youth to the services they so desperately need. We would like to offer our friends and supporters an opportunity to be a part of this important event by joining us via webcast from 10 am to 12 pm EST.

This is a great opportunity to bring together your area's local leaders to learn about trending approaches to state laws, child serving agency response and service provision for the children we serve. To tune in to our live stream go to www.sharedhope.org/webcast, and don't forget to submit your questions live viaFacebook and Twitter. Our team will be monitoring social media so you can direct questions straight to those on the forefront of implementing this important work. You can learn more about JuST Response atwww.sharedhope.org/justresponse.org.

Sincerely,

Eliza Reock

Director of Programs

Shared Hope International

Join the End It campaign to help end human slavery

Join the End It campaign on Friday, February 26th 2015 and help spread awareness on human slavery.  Thousands and thousands of people are enslaved today, and most people believe that it's something that happens only in far off lands, but it's happening right here on American soil.  The land of the free is being inundated with human slavery of all types, and it's up to us to END IT.

As a show of solidarity, grab a red sharpie and draw an X on your hand and join the fight.  You can spread awareness, create a ripple, and give to the cause.

Damsel in Defense proudly stands in unity in the fight against human slavery of all types.  No one should have to be enslaved by another for any reason.

What will you do tomorrow?  Will you ignore it?  Or will you join the

#ENDITMOVEMENT

Share your photos on social media with your red X and hashtage #enditmovement

Alone, we may be able to save a handful of people, but together, we can save thousands.  

For more information on the End It campaign, contact Sunshine@YourDamselDiva.com.

The story of the starfish

Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work. Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach littered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions.

Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy approaching.  As the boy walked, he paused every so often and as he grew closer, the man could see that he was occasionally bending down to pick up an object and throw it into the sea.  The boy came closer still and the man called out, “Good morning!  May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young boy paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can’t return to the sea by themselves,” the youth replied. “When the sun gets high, they will die, unless I throw them back into the water.”

The old man replied, “But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach. I’m afraid you won’t really be able to make much of a difference.”

The boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. Then he turned, smiled and said, “It made a difference to that one!”

adapted from The Star Thrower, by Loren Eiseley (1907 – 1977)

It's easy to tell me that I can't change the world.  You could build an entire case on it as a matter of fact, and convince every jury member that my mission is futile.

I am a starfish, and all it took was for one person to believe it mattered to me.  Am I not worthy of saving?

I am under no illusion that I will not save the world, but the ripples I send out into the universe with my actions may very well be the butterfly wings that caused a hurricane.

Has my 'why' changed?

As part of a free training program I am enrolled in within Damsel in Defense (have I ever mentioned how much I love free training programs?), we are given homework.  This week's homework was on our why.  What was it when we started, and has it changed?

 Originally, my why was just about helping other women not have to survive anything I have had to survive.  I was on a mission to spread awareness that bad things can and happen, and they happen in the blink of an eye, but now you have the choice to fight back. 

Left to right, Co-Founder Mindy Lin, myself, Co-Founder Bethany Hughes

My why changed the first time I met Mindy and Bethany, the Co-Founders of Damsel in Defense.  It was at the first ever leadership conference for Damsel in Defense, and their passion was so contagious.  I sat next to women who had turned their side business into a full blown company and were able to completely replace their income.  'Wow,' I thought, 'there really is something to this.'  Then, I fell very ill and had to fly home and was taken immediately to the hospital.  The first message I got was from Mindy, and then I received a phone call from Bob Hipple, our CEO.  Both wanted to just make sure that I was okay, that they were sending all of my stuff to me, and to make sure there wasn't anything that I needed.  The way this company cares about its field is unlike any company I have ever been involved with.  They became part of my why.  That was the moment my why left infancy and became a toddler. 

The biggest change in my why was on the heels of a trip Mindy and Bethany took to the Philippines to see first hand what trafficking looked like, and the work that one of the charities we support was doing. Suddenly, it wasn't just about women fighting back, but it was about saving women who were in bondage, fighting for them, and pushing back the darkness to shine a light for them to find a way out.  I always tell people about seeing Mindy and Bethany for the first time after their trip and seeing those girls from the Philippines staring back at me through the tears in their eyes, and I couldn't fail them.  That was the moment my why grew from a toddler to a preschooler.

At Conference in 2014, my why changed again as I listened to the founder of Hope82, a Portland organization that  fights sex trafficking speak about what trafficking really looks like in America.  It forced me to come to terms with that part of my story...the one that didn't realize was as serious as it was until hearing the truth about trafficking and broken young girls.  Then, I stood and emotionally vomited my life in front of over 200 people.  In the aftermath of that, my entire world was shaken.  I had to take some time off and really focus on healing myself and trying to understand what was happening to me.  So many things changed for me as a person that day, and my why grew and grew into a teenager filled with raw emotion.  This was when I came to understand that not only do we spread awareness and teach women to stay safe, but  that #wedohardthings.

After conference, I helped birth several survivors from their victim wombs just by telling my story, which made me face the fact that everything I faced in my life, no matter if it was good or bad, happened for a reason.  I began to understand my story was a tool for helping victims be reborn as survivors.  My why grew into a woman and a midwife.

Another part of letting my story free in the world was that it also freed the butterflies trapped inside of me.  I tried and tried to keep a hold of them, but it seemed that every time I tried to work my Damsel business they would fly in a million directions and I couldn't stay focused.  It was all I could do not to come apart.  I loved the emotion tied up with having them, but they took a toll on me and I lost sight of my goals and missed Director.  Someone very important to me then told me that I didn't need to hold on to the butterflies, I needed to teach them how to fly in formation, and imagine how unstoppable I would be if I could do that.  It was like being given a magical power and having to learn how to not turn everything I touched into toads. 

I am a survivor, that's why Damsel in Defense made sense to me originally.  I am passionate about ending trafficking, that's why Damsel found a permanent place in my heart and soul. Helping birth survivors from women who called themselves victims means that my why has officially enrolled in med school and I will dedicate the rest of my life to working on my doctorate in doing hard things to build strong women by helping them set fire to their old selves in order to be reborn, a phoenix from the ashes of their former selves.  My official title will be Dr. Phoenix, WDHT.

Through these many months of redefining myself, I have spent a lot of time in prayer and reflection. I realize that my strongest emotional ties to my story are from when I was 11-13 years old.  My focus is now going to be on educating at risk girls to the realities of what can happen to them in an effort to stop trafficking before it happens in as many of them as I can.  Damsel in Defense is the vehicle I will use to spread awareness, get in front of as many of them as possible, and to keep me-and my butterflies-grounded.   It's also going to build an income for me to be able to leave my 60 hour per week job eventually and have more time to write, speak, spread the mission, and awareness. 

My why hasn't changed so much as matured from infancy, through childhood, and into its adult life.  I have focused and honed in on where I really see myself going.  I am honored to be a part of the Damsel family, and I feel the prayers for our journeys coming from our home office.  I'm ready to focus and move to the next level.  Damsel has never given up on me, and I will never give up either.

Motivational Mondays-Feeling unsupported

 “The worst part is that my friend started doing [enter business here] and she’s watched me try to grow this business for six months, she’s never hosted a party for me, but she’s pushing me to buy from her every day now.”

“Everyone invites me to their events for their business but never comes to any of mine.”

“I shop with [enter business] all the time.  I share their business with everyone, and I send everyone to them.  I sing their praises all the time, but they have never, ever, not even once shared my business, purchased from me, hosted a party, or come to an event.”

There are times when it feels like everyone with a business is just focused on making sure you see them without ever paying attention to anyone else's business.  When you’re feeling down about your own business, these feelings amplify.  I have seen friends stop being friends because both of them started different businesses and were so focused on themselves that they forgot about each other.

We all want our businesses to be noticed.  We all want our friends and family to support us in everything we do.  We all want the praises we sing for other businesses to be sung about us in return.

This rarely happens, and you can’t measure your success by using the people who don’t shop with you as the ruler.

Every single day, even top earners in your company have to wake up and make a choice.  Do I work my business today, or do I let yesterday’s failures lead the way?  What do you think they choose?

If the very top of your upline spent as much time dwelling on the people who don’t do business with her, would she be at the top of your upline?  Not at all.  Does that mean she never feels what you’re feeling?  Absolutely not.  Every person who has ever owned a business has struggled with feeling unsupported. 

Should you stop singing the praises of businesses you love just because they don’t sing back?  No way!  Just because your favorite local business isn't doing business with you now doesn't mean that they never will, unless you stop loving them out of spite.  Why don’t they return the favor?  There isn't a need right now.  Does that mean there never will be?  No.  Keep singing, because when they do realize a need for your business, they are going to remember your connection with them and do business with you instead of someone else.

Keep working on the relationships you build with other local businesses.  Set the bar for how you wish all businesses behaved and let that bar dictate your actions.  Stop focusing on all of the people who don’t notice you and focus on the ones who do.  You will see so many businesses rise and fall around you.  One of the things that makes businesses fail faster than ice in a hot oven is focusing on the nagging negative like people who don’t support you, join other teams instead of yours, or never do business with you.  The businesses that succeed roll up their sleeves and find the people who will support them, will join their teams, and will do business.  Be the reason someone chooses to do business with your company.  Go out there and work it.

Book Review-Romancing Your Better Half

Rick Johnson has done it again in this amazing book about intimacy.  Intimacy is one of those all encompassing words that means more than just sex or communication.

The most important part of this book for me is that he touches on intimacy as a survivor without making you feel like there is something incredibly wrong with you.  That is huge for me because no one was ever there to tell me that the feelings I was feeling were valid.  No one was there to tell my spouse that you have to approach a survivor a lot differently.  The books about it still made me feel like everything was so dark and terrible.

You can have a wonderful intimate relationship with your spouse as a survivor.  If it's a struggle for you, please read this book and have your spouse read it as well.  It's an important part of a successful relationship after trauma.

You can find my full review at Portland Parenting Examiner.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, an no one knows the importance of spreading awareness than Johanna Orozco. 

Johanna’s story was featured on an episode of the hit show I Survived because in the first 13 years of her life she lost both of her parents.  First, her mother became very ill and passed away, then just two weeks later, her father was taken from her in a fatal car accident.

A few years passed, and she met a boy named Juan.  She thought they were happy and easily fell in love with him, but over time, the relationship started to change. 

Orozco said that the abuse began as jealousy then moved to accusations of cheating.  Soon after that, he started using his hands to push and shove her.  Every time, he would apologize and profess his love for her, begging forgiveness.  When she got up the courage to break up with him, things took a turn for the worst and Juan raped Johanna at knife point in her bedroom thinking he would win her back. 

Johanna and Juan

I would love to tell you that this is the end of the trauma for Johanna, but it’s not.  While on house arrest for raping her, he violated his arrest terms and went to her house.  Johanna was unable to react before he shot her in the face with a sawed off shotgun in her grandmother’s car in front of her home.  The gunshot blew off a large portion of her lower jaw.

Johanna is a fighter.  Through several reconstructive surgeries, she has survived.  While Juan is serving his 27-year prison sentence, Johanna continued high school, even attending prom.  She graduated and decided to use her experience to educate people about teen dating violence.  She has even found it in her heart to forgive and pray about Juan.  She is now happily married to a man who loves and supports her mission.

Johanna is not alone.  Teen dating violence is on the rise, and no one is talking about it.  Parents and teens both need to be educated on teen dating violence, how to avoid it, and how to get out of it before something terrible happens.  She has been on Oprah, The View, and I Survived to tell her story.  She travels speaking to groups of high schoolers to educate them on the reality of teen dating violence.

It’s important to have intervention education at the teen level because according to a study by the CDC, 1 in 6 high schoolers will be victims of teen dating violence.  According to the same study, 54% of domestic violence killings involve couples that began relationships as young adults.  What does this mean?  If we can head off abuse at the teen level, we can lower the statistics of domestic violence deaths in adults.

Because of her strength and willingness to share her story for the good of others, Johanna is this week’s Wonder Woman.  Hundreds of teens lives are being shaped by listening to Johanna's story, and she is actively working to change the face of domestic violence in America.  

Thank you for being brave enough to share your story with the world in an effort to make it a better place.

If you or someone you know has a story of survival, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com and your story may save somebody’s life.  

Motivational Mondays-the first Monday of the month challenge

Today is a new day.  A new Monday.  Not only is today a new Monday providing you a clean slate for the week, it’s the first Monday of a new month.  No matter what happened in the month before, today starts it all over.

What does that mean?

New month, new promotions, new leads, and a blank canvas just waiting to be filled with ideas.

Today is a perfect day to start a new training, implement a new process, and pick up that dreaded phone and start calling your leads.

Was last month a rock star month?  Great!  You have a record to beat!

Was last month a dismal failure leaving you feeling worthless and incompetent?  Even better, you have the opportunity to crumple that month up and toss it in the garbage. 

The word of the day is PROCRASTINATION.

We've all done it, we've all battled with it, and we've all lost to whatever show we were plowing through on Netflix.  We've all drifted off to sleep with a million great ideas that we’ll start working on TOMORROW.

Not this time.  Here’s your Monday challenge this week:

Sit down and list the top three things that distracted you from success last month.  If you feel you had a successful month, list three things that you still feel you could have done better.

Those are the three things you’re going to work on today.  For each of those three things, list three ways to overcome them. 

Is one of your items television? I’m not asking you never to watch it again, I’m asking you to think about setting up a reward system.  Something like, I get three minutes of television for every call I make.  Is my show an hour long?  How many calls do I have to make that day?

Is one of your challenges not calling leads?  Set up a reward system for calling them.  Maybe you will reward yourself a pedicure if you can call ten leads every day this week.

Your biggest defeats will come from yourself, so it’s time to train yourself to work on those weaknesses by rewarding yourself when they are complete. 

What’s holding you back today from being Captain Amazing?

RAINN poses questions to Congress about sexual assault

With the 114^th Congress ramping up, Rebecca O’Connor, RAINN’s vice president for public policy has posed three questions for them:

1. How should schools handle sexual assault cases?

What is the role and responsibility of a college or university in the fight against sexual violence?  What standards should apply to investigations, and when and how should law enforcement be involved?  How can we best protect students from these crimes and support those who are victimized?  “We’re working closely with federal lawmakers to shape legislation that will be re-introduced this session and is sure to once again make front-page news,” O’Connor explains.

2. What can be done to end the backlog of rape kits?

Untested rape kits are a national problem.  While good progress has been made, there is still much work to be done to ensure sexual assault forensic exam kits are correctly processed so victims get answers and rapists are held accountable.  “RAINN is closely monitoring the Justice Department’s implementation of the SAFER Act and new DNA initiatives,” O’Connor said, “In addition, RAINN together with the National Center for Victims of Crime and Natasha’s Justice Project, is at the helm of the Rape Kit Action Project (RKAP) which last year advised lawmakers in 20+ states as they developed rape-kit laws.  With RKAP support, seven states passed such laws last year and we expect to help many more do so this year.”

3.How can professional sports leagues be part of the solution?

Everyone has watched as the media put the spotlight on sexual assault in major league sports, and Congress is also watching.  Last month, a Senate committee hearing featured testimony from representatives from the NHL, MLB, NBA, and their players’ unions regarding the prevention of sexual assault and domestic violence.  “Continued national dialogue, including new legislation, is likely in the year ahead.  RAINN has held discussions with sports leaders as well as members of Congress about steps leagues can take to improve,” O’Connor explained.

For more information about taking action with RAINN, you can visit their Action Center.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Helping fight against Backpage.com in Portland

They are young.  They are beaten.  They are forced to service up to 20 men every single day.  They are terrified of leaving the life that they've been forced into, and they are tired.  The tiredness that a soul experiences once it’s been forced into slavery is the most deafening exhaustion once can experience.

Their stories all start the same.  Somewhere in their very young lives they were sexually abused by a family member or close friend of the family.  This abuse completely throws their lives into chaos and this is the age that survival begins.  Many times, the abuse is so bad that they run away around the age of 13, when the hormones of puberty confuse everything even more. 

Wherever teenagers hang out, pimps hang out.  They are looking for very young girls who are already hurt, who already have cracks in their souls.  They prey on these girls, promising safety, love, and attention, the very thing these girls crave the most because they didn't get it in the most important years to have it.  Before they know it, they are turned out to the street and forced to work until they have enough money to give back to their pimps.

There is emptiness in their eyes as the fire of youth burns out. 

Many of them are lost forever, killed, or so broken that they believe no one would ever love them.  Most of them love their pimps as if he were their father or boyfriend.  Many of them are bogged down with criminal records longer than they are tall.  So many of them die addicted to drugs, alone, and at the hands of a stranger right in our back yards.

   

Sometimes, one of them breaks free and escapes the grasp of their former life.  It takes a lot of healing the crevices of pain in their souls, but forever there is a sense of urgency to help others who are trapped in the life of sex trafficking.

Part of helping others is telling their story. 

The city of Portland, Oregon has recently voted to support a lawsuit against Backpage.com, a site where people can go right now to purchase sex with girls who aren't even old enough to get a driver’s license. 

Craigslist, who used to have adult listings,
 has removed them permanently
 in an effort to fight against sex trafficking.
  It's estimated that by cutting the adult
 listings out, Craigslist lost 44 million dollars in 2010,
 but regardless of the monetary lost,  they made the cut.
Only spreading awareness about  backpage will
force them to remove these girls from their listings.  

A sex trafficking survivor who we only know as Shelley spoke to Amy Frazier of Koin6 News and told her story.  It started out the same as they all do.  She ran away from a broken situation at home at the age of 15 an was approached by a man who she believed really fell in love with her.  He then beat her, forced her into trafficking, threw her in the trunk of his car if she tried to escape, and eventually she turned to drugs.  In her 30’s she met a man who helped her leave that life, and he eventually became her husband.  She now works to spread awareness and uses her story to push back the darkness in the lives of sexually exploited teenagers. 

After the brutal murder of Ashley Benson, a trafficking victim who was killed at the Double Tree Hotel in North Portland, Shelley agreed to speak to the news station.

Ashley Benson, 24, was found murdered at the Double Tree
Hotel in North Portland

“I was devastated because that’s another young lady that is a human being like all of us that deserved to still have a life,” Shelley said.

Today, Shelley is a Wonder Woman, because no matter how much it hurts, she uses her story for good to shine a light in the darkness of sex trafficking. 

Are you ready to tell your story?  If you or someone you know is a Wonder Woman because of her strength, courage, and resolve to spread awareness and do hard things to build strong women?  Email your story to sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com and you may be featured in a Wonder Woman Wednesday article. 

In Plain Sight opened my eyes wide to sex trafficking in the United States

Today has been a day of contemplation.  One quote from If I Stay, one of my very favorite books in the whole world, keeps bouncing around in my head like a computer screensaver:

“Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.”

Nothing could be farther from the truth for me.  For the first half of my life, I was sure everything was happening to me because I was cursed, or God hated me.  Then there came a time where I grew an adult brain and realized that there are illnesses, patterns, and unbroken chains of learned behavior that take root deep in the heart of families.  In the last 2 years I have really begun to heal from the trauma of my early life and realize that whether I liked it or not, a choice made me.

When I listen to the stories of some of these girls who survived sex trafficking, sexual assault, sexual abuse, and other traumas in their lives, I find parts of my story in their story.  It never really clicked for me until after hearing me speak, several women would corner me in tears and hug the breath out of me and whisper in my ear, “Thank you.  You just told my story."

Then it hit me.  How many of us are there?  How many of us are still trapped in bondage, fear, shame, and self-hate?  How many of us are trapped in terrible situations because we blame ourselves for what happened to us?  Something welled up inside of me until it seemed that every cell in my body would come undone.

Sometimes choices make you.

At first, I tried to avoid it like Jonah, only there wasn't a whale to swallow me up.  No matter what I did, every door I opened led to the same situation, and it all ended the same way.  I needed to use my life to help others.  I needed to share my story because someone out there needs to hear it.  They need the spark of light in their lives to set them on fire for change.  This is how we break the cycle.  This is how we cure poisoned families.  There is a cure for the poison that eats us from the inside.  The cure is us.

Last night, I was able to go with some of my Damsel sisters to see In Plain Sight, a movie about the reality of sex trafficking in America at Compassion First's screening and experience exhibit.  It’s something that is swept under the rug, but it happens every single day in every single town in every single corner of the world.  It’s happening in your town, maybe even your neighborhood.  There is one common denominator through every story I have heard from someone who was coerced into sex trafficking.  They were all sexually abused in one way, shape, or form long before they were ever sold for sex.

The scope of my life hit me a little hard last night.  As I watched these girls talk about their experiences, falling in love with the wrong guy, being coerced by a pimp, and learning that a runaway is more than likely approached by a trafficker in the first 48 hours of running away, I was floored.  There was a moment I felt like I was trapped in a twisted version of 'It's a Wonderful Life' watching what could have been had I not been sent away when I was.  I dodged that bullet by less than a hair.  I was rescued the very day that hell would have begun for me.  I was saved within a couple of hours of my departure into this life.  I was so tired, so done with being abused that I was willing to leave my family for the life I thought I was trained for.  I gave up, but God had different plans for me.  I was saved.  So many aren't.  Why was I spared when so many other girls are not so lucky?

Compassion first showcased a screening of In Plain Sight along
with an exhibit showing the realities
of sex trafficking.

Trauma continued in my life, but it went a different direction than being sold for money.  I wasn't supposed to go that direction because I know in my heart I wouldn't have survived it, and God had bigger plans for me.  So many times I can clearly see how His hand were working in my life, from the dozens of times he saved me as a child and young adult to the times he placed the same choice in front of me through every door, no matter how I tried to hide from myself.

Sometimes choices make you.

I don’t know what is in store for my in 2015, but I know it is coming.  My emotions are too heightened and raw to see clearly thought the pain and sadness I feel about what I learned last night.  I want to set the world on fire and shake everyone until they wake up and see what is happening to these children.  100,000 children are sold for sex every year.  Not in Cambodia or Indonesia, not in a third world country.  Right here in the United States of America.  Our children.  This has got to stop.

Mothers selling their children for pickup trucks, letting drug dealers molest their daughters for drugs, men paying to perform sex acts with little girls and boys, it has got to end.  You can’t close your eyes to it.  You can’t ignore it.  I won’t let you.

I don’t need to know today what the future holds for me in the fight against children sold into trafficking.  I know these beautiful starfish are all stranded on the beach withering away in the baking sun, and I can’t save them all, but I know there is a plan, and God will let me see it clearly when it is time.

What I need to know is are you with me?

If you want to know more about what my team is doing to help in the fight against sex trafficking in our back yards, please email me at Sunshine@YourDamselDiva.com

Wonder Woman Wednesday-On the path to becoming whole

The story is often the same.  Predators seek out young pre-teen boys and girls with risk factors that make them easy to manipulate.  Risk factors often stem from any kind of abuse they experience from the people who are supposed nurture them.  Kids have a deep need to be loved and listened to, and predators know that.  Predators have a network of people who help them discover these children. 

Unlike on television, most human trafficking isn’t like a scene from Taken.  Most sex trafficking victims were not stolen from their beds or drug into a van on their way home from school.  Most of them already have broken spirits and desperately want to be saved.  Several times I have heard trafficking victims recount coming in contact with people who wanted to save them, and they thought, “I’ve already been saved,” because the life they are living as a trafficking victim is a better fate than they lived before.  At least they have a pimp who loves them at the end of the day.  He may be rough, call them every name in the book, beat them, and rape them, but he loves them.  He’s told them he loves them.  In one recent interview for Wonder Woman Wednesday, the girl who didn’t want to be named said her pimp used to say, “I love you so much, you’re gonna make me kill you, aren’t you?”  She believed it.  In her mind, with manipulated thinking patterns, she saw that as the most you could possibly be loved.

Lynda Oddo and her dog Ryder

Today I want to introduce you to Lynda Marie Oddo from Yonkers, New York.  Her parents, both drug addicts and alcohol, didn’t place her and her sibling as a priority at all.  One fateful day, they were taken away by the state and placed in separate foster homes.  Lynda was sexually abused in one of those foster homes when she was 6, and she was terrified to say anything.  When she was ten, an aunt and uncle with a loving family finally got her out of foster care and adopted her, but the damage had already been done.  She’d experienced sexual abuse already, started smoking cigarettes at age 7, pot by age 10, and by 13 she was using drugs, so she never felt she fit into this strait-laced family.  She was smart, but behind in school, she skipped classes, then she ran away.  She was a slightly overweight 16-year-old with zero self-esteem, and a desperate desire to be loved.

Lynda had a crush on a man with a hot dog truck named Joseph Defies, who acted like a gangster rapper.  Defeis introduced her to his friend Andy Fakhoury.  The two of them took her to parties, gave her drugs, and eventually, when she knew she would be in trouble at home for a bad report card, she ran away with them to go to a party. 

Joseph Defies on trial for his crimes

The men picked her up and took her to a hotel in Atlantic City where they partied until they passed out.  Lynda was drugged and could barely move when Fakhoury raped her.  She was terrified of him the next day because he acted like nothing had happened.  It happened again, and then Defeis started convincing her to sleep with people for money. 

She did it once, and she told them she would never do it again, but it was too late.  She had nowhere to go, no money to care for herself, and she felt trapped. 

Meanwhile, her uncle Steve Oddo and his four sons were breaking down doors trying to find her with no luck.

Lynda’s pimps kept her so drugged that often times she would be drooling on herself.  They also trapped another teenage girl into the same life, and the four of them moved to Rhode Island where indoor prostitution was legal, and proceeded to sell the girls for money on sites like backpage and craigslist.  Lynda, who looked younger than 16, was often forced to lie about her age and say she was much younger than she really was.

Andrew Fakhoury at his sentencing hearing

The two men also sold marijuana from their apartment and set up a music booth to make rap videos to celebrate the thug life.  Fakhoury called himself “Kash” and Defeis called himself “Jemz”, and they would rap about being gangsters in videos that showed them cruising around in a black SUV flashing fistfuls of hundred dollar bills.

They gave the girls drugs, didn’t allow them out of the apartment alone, and never in daylight.  They threatened them, beat them, told them they were worthless pieces of garbage and whores.

Lynda tried to escape a few times, but Defeis would always lure her back with promises of them finally being able to be a family.  Sometimes, after a long day of work, the four of them would sit on the couch and watch movies like they were just four friends again.  When the women fell asleep, Fakhoury would rape them, and if they fought back, he would beat them. 

When Lynda was 19, she was rescued by the police.  She is now 24 and she still struggles with addiction,  shame, self-worth, and the haunting memories of a sex trafficking victim.  Still, she fights those demons every day, offering up her story so that someone else in her situation might not feel as alone as she has.  She’s also connected with other victims in hopes that she can help them. 

Some days she curls up in a ball of tears and wants to disappear, but other days she wants to take up the fight against trafficking.

Lynda Oddo walks Ryder

Many of the trafficking stories you find are from women who are much farther in their healing path, and have established clear lines in the fight against sex trafficking, but at some point, they were all in Lynda’s footsteps, felling lost, vulnerable, ashamed, and dirty inside.  Escaping sex trafficking is the smallest part of the work they have ahead of them, which makes advocacy so important.

Lynda, you are not alone.  Your fight is not for nothing.  The shame you feel inside was not put there by you.  If I could say one thing to you, it would be to keep fighting.  Every day, no matter how hard, no matter how scary.  Keep learning, and keep reaching out.  There are huge networks of people who have formed a net to catch you when you fall.  You were not given a clear map on life, and you will have to look at someone else’s who has drawn a map from where you are.  Countless survivors have been in your shoes where you are right now.  You are not the first, you are not the only, and you are not alone. 

This week, Lynda receives the title of Wonder Woman Wednesday for her passion to spread awareness, for her survival, and for her dedication to helping others push back the darkness and shine the light.