The story of the starfish

Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work. Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach littered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions.

Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy approaching.  As the boy walked, he paused every so often and as he grew closer, the man could see that he was occasionally bending down to pick up an object and throw it into the sea.  The boy came closer still and the man called out, “Good morning!  May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young boy paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can’t return to the sea by themselves,” the youth replied. “When the sun gets high, they will die, unless I throw them back into the water.”

The old man replied, “But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach. I’m afraid you won’t really be able to make much of a difference.”

The boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. Then he turned, smiled and said, “It made a difference to that one!”

adapted from The Star Thrower, by Loren Eiseley (1907 – 1977)

It's easy to tell me that I can't change the world.  You could build an entire case on it as a matter of fact, and convince every jury member that my mission is futile.

I am a starfish, and all it took was for one person to believe it mattered to me.  Am I not worthy of saving?

I am under no illusion that I will not save the world, but the ripples I send out into the universe with my actions may very well be the butterfly wings that caused a hurricane.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Helping fight against Backpage.com in Portland

They are young.  They are beaten.  They are forced to service up to 20 men every single day.  They are terrified of leaving the life that they've been forced into, and they are tired.  The tiredness that a soul experiences once it’s been forced into slavery is the most deafening exhaustion once can experience.

Their stories all start the same.  Somewhere in their very young lives they were sexually abused by a family member or close friend of the family.  This abuse completely throws their lives into chaos and this is the age that survival begins.  Many times, the abuse is so bad that they run away around the age of 13, when the hormones of puberty confuse everything even more. 

Wherever teenagers hang out, pimps hang out.  They are looking for very young girls who are already hurt, who already have cracks in their souls.  They prey on these girls, promising safety, love, and attention, the very thing these girls crave the most because they didn't get it in the most important years to have it.  Before they know it, they are turned out to the street and forced to work until they have enough money to give back to their pimps.

There is emptiness in their eyes as the fire of youth burns out. 

Many of them are lost forever, killed, or so broken that they believe no one would ever love them.  Most of them love their pimps as if he were their father or boyfriend.  Many of them are bogged down with criminal records longer than they are tall.  So many of them die addicted to drugs, alone, and at the hands of a stranger right in our back yards.

   

Sometimes, one of them breaks free and escapes the grasp of their former life.  It takes a lot of healing the crevices of pain in their souls, but forever there is a sense of urgency to help others who are trapped in the life of sex trafficking.

Part of helping others is telling their story. 

The city of Portland, Oregon has recently voted to support a lawsuit against Backpage.com, a site where people can go right now to purchase sex with girls who aren't even old enough to get a driver’s license. 

Craigslist, who used to have adult listings,
 has removed them permanently
 in an effort to fight against sex trafficking.
  It's estimated that by cutting the adult
 listings out, Craigslist lost 44 million dollars in 2010,
 but regardless of the monetary lost,  they made the cut.
Only spreading awareness about  backpage will
force them to remove these girls from their listings.  

A sex trafficking survivor who we only know as Shelley spoke to Amy Frazier of Koin6 News and told her story.  It started out the same as they all do.  She ran away from a broken situation at home at the age of 15 an was approached by a man who she believed really fell in love with her.  He then beat her, forced her into trafficking, threw her in the trunk of his car if she tried to escape, and eventually she turned to drugs.  In her 30’s she met a man who helped her leave that life, and he eventually became her husband.  She now works to spread awareness and uses her story to push back the darkness in the lives of sexually exploited teenagers. 

After the brutal murder of Ashley Benson, a trafficking victim who was killed at the Double Tree Hotel in North Portland, Shelley agreed to speak to the news station.

Ashley Benson, 24, was found murdered at the Double Tree
Hotel in North Portland

“I was devastated because that’s another young lady that is a human being like all of us that deserved to still have a life,” Shelley said.

Today, Shelley is a Wonder Woman, because no matter how much it hurts, she uses her story for good to shine a light in the darkness of sex trafficking. 

Are you ready to tell your story?  If you or someone you know is a Wonder Woman because of her strength, courage, and resolve to spread awareness and do hard things to build strong women?  Email your story to sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com and you may be featured in a Wonder Woman Wednesday article. 

Self proclaimed romance coach teaches rape tactics

#fightingback #pushbackthedarkness THIS Damsel is going
to shine a light on what you're doing

It's men like this that promote a rape culture, victim blaming, and teach men that it's okay to take what you want, no matter what the other person wants.

Teaching tactics like choking and sexually assaulting women is deplorable.

The men standing up to him threatening to rape anyone who stands against Julian Blanc are going to be in for a surprise as Damsel in Defense educates more and more women on not only how to stay safe, but how to fight back, and how to stand up against the evil in this world.

I am furious that this is even a thing!  Help me fight him!  Read all about this insane situation by reading the FOX news story here.  Warning, if you watch the video, it may bring up feelings for survivors of assault.

Let's ban together!  He may not consider putting his hands on someone without permission sexual assault, but what he's teaching is disgusting.

I hope that one of the women he tires to approach and put his hand around her neck is someone that has been equipped with self defense tools, education to use them effectively, and that has been empowered to stand up against anyone who feels like they can take what they want without permission.

No real man would use any of these tactics to get a date.  This is not dating, it's abuse, and once that girl enters into a relationship that begins with abuse, it can very easily escalate to domestic violence.  #shuthimdown
#takedownjulianblanc

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Busting the myths of domestic violence

Everyone has been talking about the murder of Nikki Elias, who was shot to death by her ex-husband, who later shot himself after taking their children from Nikki’s Portland home. 

This week for Wonder Woman Wednesday, I want to talk about domestic violence.

Judge Amy Holmes Hehn, who was the judge in the Elias’ case wrote an editorial for the Oregonian talking about the case and the issue.  If you've ever followed a case like this you will see several similarities.

• Everyone knows there’s a problem
• Restraining and stalking orders are in place
• The court is involved
• In the end, the more an abusive narcissist loses, the more likely he is to kill his victim

All of these things were in place in the Elias’ case. 

Judge Amy Holmes Hehn

Hehn wrote this editorial in order to shatter the myths about domestic violence.  You can find the entire article here.  It happens too often.  To many people do nothing. 

Gavin De Becker, the author of The Gift of Fear, and world renowned expert wrote, “In (sad) fact, if a full jumbo jet crashed into a mountain killing everyone on board, and if that happened every month, month in and month out, the number of people killed still wouldn't equal the number of women murdered by their husbands and boyfriends each year.”

Wrap your brain around that for a little bit.  I can spout off Domestic violence statistics all day long, but they will never amount to the above statement. 

Recently, two of the girls on my team and I were out at a movie.  We left the movie and saw a man beating up his girl in the parking lot.  Dozens….DOZENS of people walked by and did nothing, not even looking at the man who was choking this woman up against a car.  Nobody did anything as she screamed when she wriggled free.  Nobody, until the three girls dressed like zombies (it was almost Halloween) jumped into action pulling out stun guns and pepper spray.  The fear on that man’s face was pretty darn amazing as he saw three bloody flesh eaters coming for him.  We were the only ones who did anything.

In her article, Holmes calls out the men of the world to start holding each other accountable.   If you see something, say something.

She also breeches the questions, ‘why does she stay’ and, ‘why does she go back’ and ‘why doesn't she just leave?’.  As a survivor, I can say that you will never understand unless you've been abused, but just asking that question feeds victim blaming.  It takes the focus off of the abuser and puts it on the victim.  The problem isn't with her.  Many abuse victims are very successful, intelligent, amazing people who get into a relationship with a person who slowly changes them, taking away their confidence, their zest for life, and their ability to think for themselves.  A domestic violence victim is always trapped in survival mode.  

If we were to look at Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the first one is physiological.  This is survival mode, where you’re just worried about food, water, shelter, and warmth.  The next level is safety, and an abuse survivor never feels safe, so they can never progress past the physiological level.  Above safety comes belonging and love for your friends, family, spouse or lover.  Above that is self-esteem, where we achieve recognition and respect for the mastery of our skills.  The top of the pyramid is self-actualization, where we pursue inner talent and have creativity and fulfillment.  You cannot achieve the next level unless the one you are on is complete.  For those of you who are not victims of abuse or never have been, you have a pretty complete pyramid.  Imagine if your state was destroyed by a devastating natural disaster, and it wasn't safe for you to get out.  You would be trapped worrying about food, water, shelter, and warmth and you would not be pulling out your prize winning painting skills and creating a masterpiece.  Until you felt safe, you wouldn't even feel a sense of belonging and love.  Without that, you wouldn't care about self-esteem. 

In her article, Hehn says, “Everyone needs to educate themselves about domestic violence. “

Not just the people who deal with it.  Everyone. 

If you see something, call 911.  If you hear something, call 911. 

Domestic violence is a public health crisis.

I always say in my Damsel in Defense classes that if we do nothing, the only thing that will change is the statistics of violence against women will continue to rise. 

Judge Amy Holmes has been fighting against domestic violence for 27 years, first as a prosecutor, and now as a judge.  She wrote, “it’s hard not to give up in despair.  As a society, it’s tempting to throw up our hands and walk away saying, ‘there’s nothing we can do.’ That would be a mistake.  There’s a lot we can do.”

Because of her hard work and dedication to survivors in my own back yard, she receives this week’s Wonder Woman Wednesday award.  She is one woman I would love to have lunch with.

Thank you Judge Amy Holmes Hehn for all of your hard work.  The ripple of domestic violence awareness will not stop with you.  It will ring out and make a difference.  At Damsel in Defense, we take violence against women very seriously, and when we lose a woman to a violent partner, it hurts all of us.  

If you or someone you know is #fightingback and making a difference, and you believe she should be nominated for Wonder Woman Wednesday, please email me at Sunshine@YourDamselDiva.com.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-The making of a Wonder Woman

There is a clear difference between a victim and a survivor.  A victim is someone who has had something terrible and life changing happen to them, whether it’s sexual assault, identity theft, or an automobile accident.  A significant change has to happen in order for a victim to become a survivor.  First, they have to be able to work through whatever trauma caused them to be a victim in the first place.  Through that process, they have to face all of the uncomfortable feelings and situations that brought them to this place, but then they have to learn what forgiveness really means.

Forgiveness is not justification of the actions of another person who has wronged you.  Forgiveness is realizing that the situation is out of your control, and you’re passing the judgment on to God, or whatever higher power you choose to give it to.  You can never truly be free until you have reached this point.  It doesn't mean that you’ll never feel angry or frustrated about it again, it just means that you've put the person (or persons) down that you've been carrying around on your back for so long and deciding that you are worth being whole again, only responsible for holding up your own weight. 

Becoming a Wonder Woman is something even further than that.  It takes a special kind of bravery and maturity to become a Wonder Woman.  These are the women who have decided to use their experiences to shine light into the dark places in the world.  It doesn't mean we’re not scared, it just means that we know we have been given a charge, and we take that mission seriously, trusting that we will be taken care of.  It means that we know we have to do more than face what happened to us, we have to hit it head on and bend it to our will, because through doing so, we can save others and lead them to a better place.  It’s a responsibility, and once you head down the road of a Wonder Woman, there is no turning back.

This week, I would like to highlight a teen from my local region who not only became a victim of sex trafficking, but she was rescued, and instead of hiding in the shame of what happened to her, she has joined forces with Shared Hope International to spread awareness of how simple it is for a teenage girl to fall into the terrible siphon of sex trafficking.

Brianna was a normal teenage girl with a loving home and parents who gave her all they could offer in a middle class home.  Little did she know, there were men in her small town watching her and waiting for the perfect moment to start grooming her into a life of trafficking.   Brianna aspired to get out of her small town, like many small town girls do.  She needed money for college, and they were going to provide it to her.  All she had to do was dance a little bit, or so she thought.  Dance a little bit became much more, and she found herself trapped in a trafficking situation. 

Luckily for Brianna, someone noticed the signs and enlisted help of an officer with experience in sex trafficking who made contact with Shared Hope International and Brianna was rescued.  She still has nightmares and a long road of healing, but she has joined forces with Shared Hope International to share her story, fight for tougher laws, speak out against sex trafficking, and educate others on the subject. 

Her bravery and courage has made her an obvious choice for Wonder Woman Wednesday.  We love your heart and your strength, and we support you 100% in your mission to change the world.  You can learn more about Brianna’s story of hope as well as the stories of others at sharedhope.org as well as give to their mission by volunteering, donating monetarily, or sharing their stories.  

 If you are ready to share your story and help us in #fightingback against abuse towards women, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com. 

Wonder Woman Wednesday-When the victim becomes the attacker

This week's Wonder Woman Wednesday story threw me off guard.  As an educator who helps women lead safe and appropriate lives, I am always quick to push against victim blaming and giving women stronger rights.  What if that woman in a moment of self defense finds that she has no rights?  What happens to the victims when they become accused of the attack?  What can we do to help?  How do I not know this is happening in my own home state?

Delphine Criscenzo was just that.  A woman who fought for her life and the life of her children and in return, went to prison for more than a decade.  Her story will inspire you to take action, and during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we should all be taking action.

Delphine Criscenzo, your tragedy and bravery is outstanding, and you are leading a fight for change that will save others in the future.





 If you are ready to share your story and help us in #fightingback against abuse towards women, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-The warrior

Once upon a time there was a beautiful little girl born to a farm family.  The middle of five sisters, she grew up working hard every day to help keep the farm going.  She was a bright little girl that grew into a young lady so intelligent that she graduated from high school a year early, even though women did not usually graduate early in the 70’s. 

She dreamed of going to college but settled for a great job at the local Tupperware factory.  There she met the man of her dreams.  He swept her off of her feet from the first moment.  He looked like a movie star, and was a military man, so he was sure to get her out of the small life she saw herself living. 

It wasn't long before they married and she felt the fullness of a child in her belly.  Soon after, they got the word that he was to deploy to Vietnam.  He refused to go and was locked up for being a deserter.  Devastated at the thought of raising a child alone with a husband in prison, despair began to take its hold.  Just before the child was born, all deserters were freed from prison and given dishonorable discharges.

She found herself having to work hard to keep her family afloat.  He never went back to work and drowned his misery in drugs.  It wasn't easy to spot at first, because everyone seemed to be using drugs in the 70’s, but by the time most other people were growing up and finding careers in the 80’s, it became apparent that there was a problem.

Several times she would come home from another long day at work to find everything of value gone from the house because a drug dealer he owed money to came to take everything he could sell to get his money back.  Many times they had to hide the car from being repossessed because when it came time to make the payment, the money had gone to his drug habit. 

Two more children were born, and things just got harder.  He became more and more paranoid and abusive, and she had to work harder and harder to support her children, pay the bills, and recoup from the drug binges he was constantly on. 

Still, she put on a smile for her children and never showed that she was always one step away from breaking.  Things were hard.  There was never enough money.  Many times they had to steal toilet paper from public bathrooms by stuffing purses full, or had to carry groceries over a mile home from the grocery store.  One summer, they were homeless, and instead of letting her children feel any uncertainty, she slapped on a smile and said, “We’re going camping!”

Her children knew about the problem with drugs, but she always protected them from the fear of not having food or a home.  She always found a way, no matter how hard she had to work for it. 

Everything fell apart in one year.  Her oldest daughter started running away and getting into a lot of trouble.  She spent countless nights up crying and begging God to keep her daughter safe.  After things went too far, her daughter had to be sent away and it came out that the man she once considered to be the man of her dreams had been molesting her.  She ended her marriage and entered the worst season of despair in her life.  Her oldest child was hundreds of miles away and one of her sons became very ill. 

Still, she kept her tears to her alone time in the darkness of the night and never let on that she was terrified to carry on.  She carried the largest burden of guilt that sometimes she was sure would swallow her whole, but she kept on. 

Many women who find out that their husbands abused their children enter into such a denial that they end up victim blaming their children, pushing them away and causing them to fall deeper into the chasm of hopelessness.  There are several reasons this happens, they can’t believe that they wouldn't know it happened, or maybe they feel that an abuse accusation is a direct reflection on them.  There are countless blogs created by women who are married to child molesters who justify the reasons they stay with their husbands.  Most of them stand on the biblical principal that once you’re married, you have to stay married, which is great when dealing with any issue that isn't illegal or immoral, but child abuse is both of those things.  The damage this does to a child when they are not protected and treated is unspeakably as horrible as the abuse they endured. 

This particular mother did not hesitate, even after more than a decade of marriage, she ended it the day…the second she learned about the abuse. 

Looking back from that moment, it would seem that her life was nothing but one tragedy after another.  The abuse, the affairs she learned about after she threw her husband out, wondering how many more children were hurt by him, and a million other things would definitely give her a get-out-of-life-free card, and no one would blame her, but she still carried on.

Things continued to be hard, and in some ways even got harder, but if she was nothing else in this entire universe, she was going to be the rock her children needed to anchor themselves to reality, and because of that, they grew into loving adults who push back the darkness of this world and help bring light to those who suffer. 

She gave up herself to become what they needed to heal…to survive, and she did it fearlessly and ferociously.

Her strength and courage through trials and hardships unnumbered are why she is receiving the Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight this week.  She may not have been dealt a fair hand by human standards, but her sacrifices and refusal to let hopelessness win makes her one of the bravest women on this planet.  She’s a warrior. 

I should know, she’s my mom.  She’s an artist, a NICU nurse, a fighter, and a survivor.  Part of what she does as an artist is drawing portraits of babies who are in heaven so their parents will have something beautiful for them.  She does this for free through her business, NewBourn Creations.  

If you are ready to share your story and help us in #fightingback against abuse towards women, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.  

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Rape gets the spotlight at Amherst College

On May 25, 2001, Angie Epifano was held down and raped by an acquaintance on the campus of Amherst College.  Amherst blamed her, shamed her, took away her privilege to study abroad, and even had her sent to a psych ward.  This experience destroyed Angie.  They would not let her report him, and she eventually left the college without graduating while her rapist graduated with honors. 

“Eventually I reached a dangerously low point, and, in my despondency, began going to the campus’ sexual assault counselor. In short I was told: No you can’t change dorms, there are too many students right now. Pressing charges would be useless, he’s about to graduate, there’s not much we can do. Are you SURE it was rape? It might have just been a bad hookup…You should forgive and forget.” Angie tells in her sorrow filled shocking recount of her experience with Amherst. 

“I was continuously told that I had to forgive him, that I was crazy for being scared on campus, and that there was nothing that could be done. They told me: We can report your rape as a statistic, you know for records, but I don’t recommend that you go through a disciplinary hearing. It would be you, a faculty adviser of your choice, him, and a faculty adviser of his choice in a room where you would be trying to prove that he raped you. You have no physical evidence, it wouldn't get you very far to do this,” she continues.

According to the “statistics” gathered by the sexual assault counseling center, Amherst has been home to several serial rapists, or men who have raped more than 5 women.  The rapists always graduate, and the victims are left holding the shattered pieces of their lives while the Dean tells them it’s their fault.

Amherst is just one of hundreds of colleges with a sexual assault reporting problem.

Students at Amherst have begun to put the pressure on administrators over how the school treats victims of rape by creating a photo series where survivors held up large cards with the responses from administrators, friends, peers, counselors, and others. 

Lee, a senior at Amherst said to the Huffington Post, “We wanted to show that Angie was not alone in her mistreatment and abuse by college administrators, but the administration’s actions don’t exist in a vacuum—they exist in a larger culture in which too often, victims are silenced and perpetrators excused.  We have to think about how we, as friends or peers of survivors, contribute to a culture of silence through our insensitive and thoughtless words.”

The photo series sent shockwaves across college campuses raising awareness for the way victims of sexual assault on campus are handled.  42% of women in college who are raped tell no one about the assault, and 95% of sexual assault victims never report the attacks to the authorities because they are stopped dead in their tracks at the administration level.

“Photos are visual and engaging, and they can be a powerful tool for documenting social injustice,” Lee continued, “I think partly what made this project so powerful was that it was specific to Amherst College—the survivors involved are our friends and peers, people we know, and the quotations are also from members of our community.”

The survivors in the series hope to change how the problem is handled at Amherst, particularly by Amherst College President Biddy Martin.

See the complete photo collection here.

An online magazine called It Happens Here has also been created by Amherst students as a way to bring attention to the issue.  

Since, Biddy has been very quick to institute a number of immediate changes.  Other colleges have taken notice and have started their own processes to make change. 

The week’s Wonder Woman Wednesday showcase goes to the brave survivors of college campus rape.  Alone, you may be only one, but together you can raise your voices to the sky and create change so that women who follow behind you can attend a stronger, safer experience. 

You can find Angie’s complete story here. 

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, don’t let anyone tell you not to report it.  The National Sexual Assault Hotline has people on duty right now who can help you through the process, just call 1.800.656.HOPE.

If you are ready to share your story and help us in #fightingback against abuse towards women, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.  

Wonder Woman Wednesday-coming back from sex trafficking

jesrichardson.com

When I ask people what sex trafficking means to them, I get so many answers, but most of them paint a picture of girls being kidnapped and swept across country lines to be sold into some third world brothel.  As a matter of fact, more than half of the people asked used the word ‘kidnapped’ in their response. 

Sex trafficking or human trafficking, by definition is:

 THE RECRUITMENT, HARBORING, TRANSPORTATION, PROVISION, OR OBTAINING OF A PERSON FOR THE PURPOSE OF A COMMERCIAL SEX ACT WHERE SUCH AN ACT IS INDUCED BY FORCE, FRAUD, OR COERCION, OR IN WHICH THE PERSON INDUCED TO PERFORM SUCH ACT HAS NOT ATTAINED 18 YEARS OF AGE.

In the early 80’s there was a young girl named Jessica.  She had been molested by neighbors most of her very young life and had no idea it was not okay.   Her family moved to Joseph, Oregon in the late 80’s where her father was murdered by a family acquaintance, and at the same time, she was learning that  her peers hadn't been exposed to sex in the way she had.

When Jessica turned 13, her mother remarried and the traumas in her life spiraled her out of control.  She found herself using drugs and drinking, even miscarrying a child.

At 16, she was sent to a Portland GED program and began to work in a restaurant where a 43-year-old man lavished her with attention.

“I had never felt so special and loved,” Jessica explained, “I remember him asking me, ‘If you’re already having sex, why wouldn't you want to get paid for it?’”

She was lavished right into sex trafficking.  Her boyfriend, who she later realized was her pimp, promised a whole new life, even giving her a new name: Joanna.  He showered her with gifts, cell phones, manicures, and she truly believed that she was better off with him.

In 1997, a group of prostitutes in Vancouver, B.C, beat her until she was unrecognizable.  She barely escaped with her life and fled to a Seattle escort service, but the job was wearing on her.  She would take money, promise sex acts, and flee, often forcing her to escape a very violent and angry customer.

A couple of years later, she became pregnant.  She decided to leave the life of sex trafficking and returned home with her mom in Idaho to deliver her baby girl.  It was there that she became a Christian and met her current husband, Reid Richardson.  Since, they have had four more children and now reside in California.

Jessica Richardson

Through Christ and the loving support of her husband and family, Jessica has reclaimed her identity and has dedicated her life to change.  She has turned her darkness and trauma into something beautiful and filled with light.   Her trainings have been translated into several languages and have circled the globe.  She works with the FBI and sits on legislative panels, as well as speaks to churches and organizations.  She has spoken at Yale, Portland State University, University of Oregon, and Concordia University just to name a few. 

I have read testimony after testimony from women whose lives have been epically changed by Jessica.  For every terrible moment she experienced in the hell of sex trafficking, she has created a beautiful one for another woman.   Jessica Richardson is truly a Wonder Woman and receives our Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight for not letting her life overcome her.  Instead, she has overcome her life and helps others overcome theirs.  

You can find more information about Jessica and her available training tools at jessrichardson.com.

 If you have been a victim of sex trafficking, sexual assault, abuse, or domestic violence, you are not alone.  Brave women have walked the same path before you, and have chosen to live a life that matters so that you may find peace and healing in their story.  We can help connect you with local resources in your community that can lead you to a life worth living.  If you or someone you know has a story about #fightingback please email me at Sunshine@YourDamselDiva.comand you may find yourself as a featured Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-A life worth living

We always hear about the horrors of the world around us.  People do terrible things to each other.  Not a day goes by that I don’t get a story about something tragic that happened to a good person, and most of those stories never hit the media.  When people tell me, “The media blows things out of proportion” or, “the media creates a fear based society,” I just want to show them the email bank of stories I have that proves the problem is larger than the media.

Sometimes it seems too big.

Then you read about somebody like Rebecca Bender.  She spent six horrific years of her life trapped and sold into sex trafficking.  Things that happened to her would make you lose sleep at night.  Many people believe that she would be a broken and tortured soul forever, just another victim in the dark people of the world, but not Rebecca. 

Rebecca is a survivor.  She met her trafficker near a college campus in Oregon, she became a victim of abuse, and eventually he trafficked her.  She was sold nationwide for six years, tried to escape many times, was branded twice, and had to endure several traffickers before the FBI raided her home and gave her the means to escape.

Healing was not easy.  It took faith in God and the help of a local church to restore her.  She realized through her process that she could use her life to help others overcome as well.  She grew into her faith, started a ministry, wrote the Roadmap to Redemption, and now she is a renowned consultant and public speaker.   She is also married with children and living a beautiful life.

If you don’t believe you’re worth it, if the darkness in your life is still holding you back, Rebecca is proof that anyone can be an overcomer, no matter what trauma you have experienced. She is now a public speaker, virtual mentor, and consultant for everything from television to investigations.  

Rebecca Bender receives the Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight this week because of her work in helping the broken heal, her willingness to hold a torch in the darkness, and her bravery to be a transparent window to the path of healing.

To learn more about Rebecca Bender, you can find her on the web at rebeccabender.org.

If you have been a victim of sex trafficking, sexual assault, abuse, or domestic violence, you are not alone.  Brave women have walked the same path before you, and have chosen to live a life that matters so that you may find peace and healing in their story.  We can help connect you with local resources in your community that can lead you to a life worth living.  If you or someone you know has a story about #fightingback please email me at Sunshine@YourDamselDiva.com and you may find yourself as a featured Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-I chose life

Whenever I attend a training that is being taught by a police officer, no matter what I’m learning about, one thing always remains the same:

I am going home to my family tonight, I and whether they go home to theirs is up to them.

The point of that sentence is to show us we have to make a choice to survive.  We have to choose before we even get into a situation that we are going to fight for our life not worrying about the person who might be attacking us. 

In September of 2006, Portland resident Susan Walters came home from her job as an ER nurse to find Edward Haffey waiting for her. 

“Not having any clue why he was in my home, I knew, I could feel his intent to kill me,” she says as she explains the details of the night.

That night, Walters had to fight for her life, and ended up winning.  Haffey on lost his life that night, but not before saying, “You’re strong,” his last words alive.

Susan Walters

In court, she explained that Haffey was waiting for her with a hammer.  She immediately began to fight.  They struggled a bit, but Walters eventually grabbed the hammer away from him.  They fought for 14 minutes, and in the end, with her hands around his throat, she said, “Tell me who sent you here and I will call you an ambulance.”

Michael Kuhnhausen

Later, Walters found out that her husband, Michael Kuhnhausen, hired the man to kill her in their home for a fee of $50,000.

Almost a decade later, her ex-husband  will be going before a parole board and could get out of prison.

“Although I’ve forgiven my ex-husband for what he became, and what he did to me and all those who he loved, I cannot forget what he’s capable of.” Walters explains as the date nears.

She’s not worried.  Walters is ready to fight again if she has to.

“I didn’t choose my attacker’s death for him,” she said, “I chose my life.”

Susan Walters wants her story to inspire women to fight back. 

“If you feel like, ‘wow, I don’t feel like I can do that.’ You can.  You’re stronger than you know,” Walters continues.

Something that will ring true in every account of a woman fighting off an attacker and surviving is that they choose life.  They are going to live, no matter what the stakes. 

Because of her bravery, strength, and mission, Susan Walters is our Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight.

If you or someone you know is a survivor and has a Wonder Woman story, please email me at sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com for a chance to be featured.  Your story could save a life.  Your bravery could lead the way out of the darkness for someone trapped in fear and pain.  Your courage could give another strength to change the world.

The Damsel in Defense mission trip