The story of the starfish

People often ask me what my fascination with starfish is about.  I would like to share it with you.  This is a story of hope and survival and sparking change in the world adapted from the original, The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley.

Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing.  He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work.  Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach lettered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions.

Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy tossing starfish into the water one by one.

"Good morning," the man said to the boy, "may I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young boy paused, looked up, and replied, "Throwing starfish into the ocean.  The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can't return to the sea themselves.  When the sun gets high in the sky, they will die unless I throw then back into the water."

The old man replied, "But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach.  I'm afraid you won't really be able to make much of a difference.  Why does it matter?"

The boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it as far as he could into the ocean, then turned to the man and said, "It matters to that one."

All of the work that I do, whether it's in my preschool classroom, at a Damsel in Defense event, when I'm speaking, or in my writing, there is one hope, that somewhere out there, it matters to someone.

When I tell my story, it's not to get my own praise.  It's to unlock someone from the bondage of slavery and shame.  I speak life and write intention without dreams of fame and fortune.  What I do is hard, and it's uncomfortable, and there is often tears involved, and though it sometimes seems when I look at statistics, or I'm faced with a room filled with survivors, that there is no end, but if I don't do what I can to create a pathway out of darkness for those around me, they can never begin.

If you're feeling the struggle of your life, if you're feeling the pull of indifference, if you are feeling like the battle is too hard to continue, if you are wondering why it matters, it's time to stop, turn around, and look at the lives you've touched.

If you're a direct sales leader, and you're feeling like giving up, turn around and look at the team you've built and ask if it matters to them.

If you're a parent and you are wondering why you should even bother doing the hard stuff because it doesn't feel like it matters, I promise, it does.

If you're a spouse ready to throw your hands in the air because you don't feel loved and appreciated, the change has to start with you in order for it to matter.

Giving up and sitting in your own putrid comfort zone is not an option if you want to grow.  Retreating into the darkness is not an option if you want the work in your life to matter, and if you don't think it matters, it does.  It matters to someone.

Keep throwing those starfish in the ocean.  It's hard, it's exhausting, but it's amazing.

Trust me, you're gonna love it!

Team Time-Getting ready to build your team in 2017

One of the biggest struggles people in direct sales face is team building.  One of the biggest road blocks in building your team is perception.  It's not only the perception that a direct sales company is a "real" job, but it's your own perception that you aren't qualified to lead because you don't yet believe in your business.

In order to effectively recruit, you have to shift that perception.  

In this photo, I am surrounded by incredibly successful women.

I had this realization a while back when I decided to join a networking group.  I got dressed in my business best and slunk into the back corner of the meeting because I did't feel like I deserved to be there.  These were women who had created products that were in every store from Walmart to Costco, women who owned realty groups, successful coffee chains, salons, and marketing firms.  I didn't feel like I fit in because I was just a mom trying to grow a Damsel in Defense business.

I am the owner of a direct sales business with more than
30 hard working girls who are constantly growing, and they
believe in me.

When I was evaluating why my business was at a stand still, it was painfully obvious.  I didn't believe I was an expert in my field.  I believed that everyone looked down on my business and saw me as another mlm scam.  

Well guess what?  I am the owner of a direct sales business, which is not the same as an mlm.  I have a team of more than 30 hard working girls who are constantly growing, and they believe in me.  The moment I realized my value, I started projecting myself as a successful business owner, and things began to change.  People began to shift their perception of what I did, but it first took me shifting mine.  Now, I can waltz into a networking meeting and know that I have just as much worth as the women there.  They start to see the value in my business and take the time to connect me with people in their networks to do business with, and my business begins to grow.

For me, 2017 is going to be the year of shifting perception.  I will be doing a series of challenges on Tuesdays to help others break out of the mindset that direct selling isn't a "real" job.  No matter what your company is, join me in claiming your place as the CEO of your business and power building the company of your dreams. The first challenge will be  January 3rd, 2017.

If you have no idea what a direct sales company is, but you're looking for a way to work from home, in your own hours, and make a great living, contact me at Sunshine@YourDamselDiva.com or go to my website StunGunCrew.com and let's talk about it!

Are you ready?

Motivation Mondays-get those last minute shoppers

The end of the year can be a really hard time for many businesses.  The Christmas rush slows down, and people start holding on to their money very tightly.  It can spell disaster if you’re not prepared for a decline in sales.  This is the time of year when last minute shoppers are your bread and butter.  How is a direct seller supposed to get in front of a last-minute shopper when they are probably just going to dash in the nearest store and pick out something that they know their gift receiver will probably not like?

Being creative in the final push for Christmas is going to set you apart from everyone else.  You know as well as I do that our last-minute shopper is on Facebook trying to figure out what to get their gift receivers right now, and think about what they see.

500 things that have been copied and pasted, 200 advertisements from every other business, pictures of kids, and funny videos.

People get on social media to be entertained.  It’s the great American time suck, and most of that entertainment comes in the form of videos.  I’m not talking about just sitting in front of your camera and babbling on Facebook live for twenty minutes, I’m talking about hilarious entertaining videos or live feeds.

How do you get this shopper’s attention?  Be silly and think Christmas.  Decorate yourself like a Christmas tree and sing a song about how amazing they are and how much you want to help them purchase your product.  Create an online character, click that Go Live button, and have some fun. 

Here are some tips to making great Facebook videos:

•         Keep them under 2 minutes.  Social media has created a civilization of people with finger
  
  swiping ADHD. 
•        Plan out what you’re going to say and do before you start.
•         Make sure it’s relevant to what your viewers are looking for.  Don’t dress like a vampire the week before Christmas and try to sell Halloween, unless you’re selling blinky green and red vampire teeth.
•         Find blinky red and green vampire teeth and send them to me, because I need that in my life.
•         Don’t live feed everyone to death.  One good live feed per day is great.  Contact some of your biggest cheerleaders and ask them if they will share it on their pages and give you a plug, but contact them in person.
•         Don’t spam.  Facebook jail is a real thing.  Don’t go there.  I hear the food is terrible and there aren’t any mojitos. 
•         Most important, be clear and concise in what you’re trying to communicate and HAVE FUN!

Trust me, you’re gonna’ love it!

A pause in your business can mean a future struggle

Many of you may have noticed that there hasn't been a StunGunGirl blog post in quite a while.  Many of you also know that a few months ago, life was moving along at the perfect pace when I was given a cancer diagnosis.  My seemingly perfect little universe was turned up-side-down, in-side-out, and kicked across the cosmos.

Even still, through the process of wrapping my brain around the C word that was living in my body, learning treatment options, deciding to go with surgery, and then the hardship of healing, my long term goals never wavered.  I thought for sure that when I was well, I would just pick up where I left off and continue the climb to the top with only maybe a minor hiccup.

Boy was I wrong.

As I sat down in front of my computer and opened my CRM software (I love fiitfu.com the most), it overwhelmed me.  I had 196 overdue followups.  I suddenly realized that I was so behind I might never catch up.  When I started working through those followups, I also realized that none of my contact's lives stopped, and it was like starting all over again with at least 180 of them.

That was just the foothills of Mt. Overwhelming.

All the while, I didn't want to appear that things weren't okay, so I appeared as if business was normal on the outside saying things like, "I'm so blessed to have a job that I can take time off for to beat this cancer," because I didn't want to scare anyone away from joining my company.

Really, taking months off to fight a beast like cancer already takes a mental and physical toll on you.  I wish I would have known the reality of taking that time off and what it would be like to come back to work after so much time passed.  I think I could have been better prepared for what was to come.  I'm here to tell you, you don't pick up where you left off, you start about 500 steps behind, and that's okay.

When you expect to come back to the exact point you left off, it doesn't feel okay.  Luckily, I learned something really important along the way, and even though I felt like I was treading water in my last hour of strength in the open waters of the deep blue sea, I reached out.  When you're feeling down, call up.  I wasn't just feeling down, I was feeling defeated.  My fire was gone and I was questioning whether or not I could succeed.

I am here to tell you, that after some hours on the phone with some amazing ladies who not only let me fall apart, but then picked up my pieces and handed them back to me while reminding me who I am, what my destiny is, that there is no future without me in it (especially for me), and told me to put those damned pieces back together, I am ready.  The fire has been lit, the passion has reignited, and even though I'm not starting where I thought I would, I'm getting started where I am.


How do you eat an elephant?  Invite your friends!  When you're feeling down, call up, and when you're feeling up, call down.  You never know which one of your team members might be floating in open water alone and not saying anything.


Have a blessed day!

Let's talk about our direct sales friends

Hi blog family, I hope this post finds you well today.

Two things have been bothering me for about a week now, and that usually means I need to sit down and write about it.  What could they be?  They both boil down to how we treat our friends in other direct sales companies.

This particular blog post was brought on by a complaint that was posted publicly on Facebook by a girl we'll call Suzie Q.  You see, Suzie Q was feeling jealous last week because one of her friends signed on with a different direct sales company than she was in.

The first bothersome moment was a complaint post went something like this:

"I just don't understand why someone would join another company when they have seen how much I have made with my company."

While it is okay to wonder about the answer to that question, it's only okay to do it alone, and in your head.  I feel like this is obvious, but let's be honest, Captain Obvious wouldn't be a character in a major media campaign if there weren't enough people who lacked the ability to know when something is obvious, and this isn't the first time I've seen someone post something similar.

The second thing is a constant bother.

I am a cheerleader.  I don't care what direct sales company you're in, or even if it isn't a direct sales company at all, I love cheering people on, even if it's hard.  I have a rule of thumb that I live by.  That rule is, if you're feeling jealous or upset at someone, that is when you need to force yourself to cheer them on.  I hardly ever have to force myself because of those reasons, but sometimes I do find myself having a Facebook like fest, and I have to stop and actually slow down and comment.

I want my time on Facebook to be actually building relationships and caring about what the people I have accepted in my life are doing, whether they are struggling or succeeding.

Here's the bother, and I know some people do this out of excitement for their own businesses, but when I comment on another direct seller's post and five minutes later I get this message:

"Hey, I saw that you liked my post about promoting to yadda yadda.  If you join my team, you can yadda yadda too."

Hmmmmm.......does anyone else see the problem with that?

I chalk it up to people not knowing because maybe it is their first rodeo or something, and I'm always gracious about declining, but then I stay on their "lead" list and get the algorithm of contacts.  Once a week for a month, then once every two weeks for two months, then once a month until they either give up or I tell them for the ten thousandth time,

"Thank you, but I'm focusing on my Damsel business.  I wish you nothing but success in [enter business here]"

So, here's a golden nugget of direct sales advice, and I promise you, it will grow your business ten thousand times more strong than head hunting your direct sales friends.

Are you ready?

Here it is:

Don't head hunt your other direct sales friends. Invest in the relationship instead.

Whaaaaaaaat?

Yes.  Let me set up a scenario:

I have a friend who sells a makeup line.  Let's call her Sally.  Sally is growing her business and jumping up the ranks, and is posting about how she gets to go on this amazing all expense paid trip to somewhere with palm trees and umbrella drinks that you need a passport to go to.

I congratulate her or tell her how awesome she is on every photo she posts, because I genuinely love seeing people succeed.

Sally knows that I'm not trying to join her team, because she's also blessed me with gushes of congratulations on every achievement I make too, because she genuinely cares about people doing what they love and loving what they do.

She has never once, in more than a year of knowing her, asked me to join her team.

Instead, she has sent people to me by saying,

"Girl, I know this amazing Damsel, she will hook you up!  Just tell her I sent you!"  

Why?  Because she knows that safety is important, and I have invested in a relationship with her.

At the same time, whenever someone asks what makeup to try or if I have a friend selling her specific line, what do you think I say?

"Girl, I know this amazing makeup girl!  She will hook you up!  Just tell her I sent you!"

I know she will take excellent care of my referral, and I know she will send referrals my way.

Some of those people just buy, some join her team, some join mine, but the point is, we have each other's backs.

As a matter of fact, I have a referral program that is a win-win for everyone.  If a person refers someone to me and they join my team,

I pay the person who referred them $25 if my new team member reaches their first promotion within 60 days, which is a cake walk.  

That's twenty five smakeroos just for realizing someone would benefit from owning their own Damsel in Defense company.  

On the same hand, if I don't feel like someone will soar with Damsel but I know they would probably be amazing at another direct sales company, I connect them with a mentor from that company that I have a relationship with.

Think about it, do you want someone to join your team who isn't passionate about what you do?  It won't work!  If I have a person looking to join a direct sales team who just isn't feeling Damsel but LOVES makeup, where do you think they are going to succeed?

I'll tell you one thing, I definitely would support them in their choice rather than shame them for not choosing me.

So, there it is.  Two things, off my chest and out in the universe.  I hope it helps you in your business practices, and remember, there are two kinds of people.  You're either a fountain or a siphon.  Which one are you today?

Have a blessed day,

Motivational Mondays-Feeling unsupported

 “The worst part is that my friend started doing [enter business here] and she’s watched me try to grow this business for six months, she’s never hosted a party for me, but she’s pushing me to buy from her every day now.”

“Everyone invites me to their events for their business but never comes to any of mine.”

“I shop with [enter business] all the time.  I share their business with everyone, and I send everyone to them.  I sing their praises all the time, but they have never, ever, not even once shared my business, purchased from me, hosted a party, or come to an event.”

There are times when it feels like everyone with a business is just focused on making sure you see them without ever paying attention to anyone else's business.  When you’re feeling down about your own business, these feelings amplify.  I have seen friends stop being friends because both of them started different businesses and were so focused on themselves that they forgot about each other.

We all want our businesses to be noticed.  We all want our friends and family to support us in everything we do.  We all want the praises we sing for other businesses to be sung about us in return.

This rarely happens, and you can’t measure your success by using the people who don’t shop with you as the ruler.

Every single day, even top earners in your company have to wake up and make a choice.  Do I work my business today, or do I let yesterday’s failures lead the way?  What do you think they choose?

If the very top of your upline spent as much time dwelling on the people who don’t do business with her, would she be at the top of your upline?  Not at all.  Does that mean she never feels what you’re feeling?  Absolutely not.  Every person who has ever owned a business has struggled with feeling unsupported. 

Should you stop singing the praises of businesses you love just because they don’t sing back?  No way!  Just because your favorite local business isn't doing business with you now doesn't mean that they never will, unless you stop loving them out of spite.  Why don’t they return the favor?  There isn't a need right now.  Does that mean there never will be?  No.  Keep singing, because when they do realize a need for your business, they are going to remember your connection with them and do business with you instead of someone else.

Keep working on the relationships you build with other local businesses.  Set the bar for how you wish all businesses behaved and let that bar dictate your actions.  Stop focusing on all of the people who don’t notice you and focus on the ones who do.  You will see so many businesses rise and fall around you.  One of the things that makes businesses fail faster than ice in a hot oven is focusing on the nagging negative like people who don’t support you, join other teams instead of yours, or never do business with you.  The businesses that succeed roll up their sleeves and find the people who will support them, will join their teams, and will do business.  Be the reason someone chooses to do business with your company.  Go out there and work it.

Friday Funny-Network Marketing

Happy Friday everyone!!!  Here's to the weekend!!!
Cheers from Your Damsel Diva!!

Why this Portland preschool teacher girl chose to be a Damsel in Defense Independent Pro

Alright everyone, here I am officially! My name is Sunshine (yes, for real), and I am a Damsel in Defense Independent Pro, and I have been for just over a year.

When I first started, I have to admit, I had done so much direct sales that I wasn't excited about doing it again, but I was completely in love with the products. That was the first thing that grabbed me.

I had a couple of parties, and my Pro was talking to me about doing it, and my husband, the analytical one of us, took a look at the hard numbers of this business. He sat me down one day and said, "Honey, this is going to be big. The numbers don't lie. In their first year, they blew most other direct sales companies out of the water, especially for being a brand new category of company. Where would you be if you were in the first wave of Scentsy consultants?"

So, I halfheartedly signed up, not because I didn't believe in the products, but I didn't believe in myself.   My Pro was ecstatic that I made the plunge, and since she has become my beautiful fiery red headed director, Karin Mitchell. 

The first thing that was different about being a Damsel in Defense rep was the leadership.  Normally, I was courted to join a team with promises of training and support, and as soon as my kit arrived, my upline was too busy to help me figure out what was going on.  With Damsel in Defense, that didn’t happen.  Our team is a sisterhood, and we cheer each other on, lift each other up, and teach each other all along the way.  We all bring experiences into this business that are important and necessary for all of us to have a full experience.  I can even call people who aren’t in my upline organization at all and pick their brains.  We’re all Facebook friends, we all run to each other with big hugs every time we see another Damsel sister, and most importantly, we all heal together.

The next big thing that happened to me was seeing  the video of our founders in the Philippines learning about Wipe Every Tear, our international charity that we support.  As I got to know the corporate team little by little, I started to see them for the beautiful people they were, not just some ladies who had a great idea and started a company.

After that, I got two phone calls in one month from women thanking me for the stun gun, because they had to use it. I was TORN UP! I had no idea what they would have done without Damsel products and knowledge!  I was still a baby in this company, so I was still working within my friends and family circle.  These were ladies that were dear friends whom I loved very, very much.  I cried and cried, and at that moment, I was all in, 100% career damsel, a crime fighting super hero.

I immediately grew a team without even really trying super hard, promoted up the ranks high enough to be invited to leadership training, where I got so sick that  I had to be flown home to go to a Portland hospital. 

The day I got home, two things happened.  I got a phone call from Bob Hipple, our CEO just checking up on me and making sure I didn’t need anything.  At this point he didn’t know me from any other pro, which means he would have called any of us.  He cared enough about each and every one of us that he called just to make sure I didn't need anything. 

The second thing that happened was getting an instant message from Mindy Lin, one of the co-founders, again, asking me if I needed anything and telling me how sorry she was that I had to miss the second half of Leadership Training.  I barely met her for five seconds, yet as soon as she found out I had to fly home, she was making sure I was okay. 

This, my friends, is a company with more heart than any I have ever been a part of.

Then, Mindy and Bethany came to Portland for a drop-in rally and I got to really meet them for the first time.  As soon as I walked in the door, Mindy and Bethany were hugging me and asking how I was.   I got to hear them speak live for the first time about their mission trip, and I swear I could see those girls from the Philippines staring at me through their eyes.   I knew then, that no matter how hard the road got, I would not fail them. 

A few more months rolled by, and I got another message from Mindy Lin asking if I would give a blurb on my story for National Sexual Assault Awareness month.   Gritting my teeth, I agreed, and there I was, showcased on the corporate page, then shared all throughout the land.  As scary as it was, it was also uplifting and healing….., and then was asked to speak at the second annual conference.

Wait....you want me to what? Tell my entire story in front of about 250 people?  Holy.  How do you say no to that?  How do you say yes?

You see, I'm a survivor, not only of sexual abuse from my father, but several attackers and tragedies that go along with spending your first 30 years as a victim. I was terrified but ready to use my story for good.

I took the stage, microphone shaking in my hand, voice shaking in my throat, and knees shaking beneath me and told my story.  Half way through, when the gasp happened where it always does when I tell my story, I wanted to run away and hide, but I didn’t.  I stayed and kept going because there is healing beyond the gasp.

Since, I have fallen more and more in love with what I do. I'm not a sales person. I am an educator who happens to also have self-defense tools, road side kits, and home protection products that you can purchase. I teach common sense self-defense above all, and give women the education and tools to survive. Through that, I have birthed countless survivors from the depths of being victims. I have given light to so many who were trapped in darkness, and I get emails every single day thanking me for my courage to take a stand and help them see that there is peace through healing.  Because of that, I will keep talking, keep sharing, and keep going through the gasp.

Damsel in Defense has given me more healing in one year than anything else I have tried all of my life.  I have created bonds stronger than steel with some of the most gracious and amazing women on the planet.  I have seen amazing things, and they just keep coming.

If you’re a victim, there is help.  I can help you find it.  If you’re a survivor, there are people who need you.  I can show you how to help them.  If you believe in becoming a crime fighting super hero, I can help with that too.

Are you ready to change your life?  Let’s talk.  sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com