The story of the starfish

People often ask me what my fascination with starfish is about.  I would like to share it with you.  This is a story of hope and survival and sparking change in the world adapted from the original, The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley.

Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing.  He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work.  Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach lettered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions.

Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy tossing starfish into the water one by one.

"Good morning," the man said to the boy, "may I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young boy paused, looked up, and replied, "Throwing starfish into the ocean.  The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can't return to the sea themselves.  When the sun gets high in the sky, they will die unless I throw then back into the water."

The old man replied, "But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach.  I'm afraid you won't really be able to make much of a difference.  Why does it matter?"

The boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it as far as he could into the ocean, then turned to the man and said, "It matters to that one."

All of the work that I do, whether it's in my preschool classroom, at a Damsel in Defense event, when I'm speaking, or in my writing, there is one hope, that somewhere out there, it matters to someone.

When I tell my story, it's not to get my own praise.  It's to unlock someone from the bondage of slavery and shame.  I speak life and write intention without dreams of fame and fortune.  What I do is hard, and it's uncomfortable, and there is often tears involved, and though it sometimes seems when I look at statistics, or I'm faced with a room filled with survivors, that there is no end, but if I don't do what I can to create a pathway out of darkness for those around me, they can never begin.

If you're feeling the struggle of your life, if you're feeling the pull of indifference, if you are feeling like the battle is too hard to continue, if you are wondering why it matters, it's time to stop, turn around, and look at the lives you've touched.

If you're a direct sales leader, and you're feeling like giving up, turn around and look at the team you've built and ask if it matters to them.

If you're a parent and you are wondering why you should even bother doing the hard stuff because it doesn't feel like it matters, I promise, it does.

If you're a spouse ready to throw your hands in the air because you don't feel loved and appreciated, the change has to start with you in order for it to matter.

Giving up and sitting in your own putrid comfort zone is not an option if you want to grow.  Retreating into the darkness is not an option if you want the work in your life to matter, and if you don't think it matters, it does.  It matters to someone.

Keep throwing those starfish in the ocean.  It's hard, it's exhausting, but it's amazing.

Trust me, you're gonna love it!

Why this Portland preschool teacher girl chose to be a Damsel in Defense Independent Pro

Alright everyone, here I am officially! My name is Sunshine (yes, for real), and I am a Damsel in Defense Independent Pro, and I have been for just over a year.

When I first started, I have to admit, I had done so much direct sales that I wasn't excited about doing it again, but I was completely in love with the products. That was the first thing that grabbed me.

I had a couple of parties, and my Pro was talking to me about doing it, and my husband, the analytical one of us, took a look at the hard numbers of this business. He sat me down one day and said, "Honey, this is going to be big. The numbers don't lie. In their first year, they blew most other direct sales companies out of the water, especially for being a brand new category of company. Where would you be if you were in the first wave of Scentsy consultants?"

So, I halfheartedly signed up, not because I didn't believe in the products, but I didn't believe in myself.   My Pro was ecstatic that I made the plunge, and since she has become my beautiful fiery red headed director, Karin Mitchell. 

The first thing that was different about being a Damsel in Defense rep was the leadership.  Normally, I was courted to join a team with promises of training and support, and as soon as my kit arrived, my upline was too busy to help me figure out what was going on.  With Damsel in Defense, that didn’t happen.  Our team is a sisterhood, and we cheer each other on, lift each other up, and teach each other all along the way.  We all bring experiences into this business that are important and necessary for all of us to have a full experience.  I can even call people who aren’t in my upline organization at all and pick their brains.  We’re all Facebook friends, we all run to each other with big hugs every time we see another Damsel sister, and most importantly, we all heal together.

The next big thing that happened to me was seeing  the video of our founders in the Philippines learning about Wipe Every Tear, our international charity that we support.  As I got to know the corporate team little by little, I started to see them for the beautiful people they were, not just some ladies who had a great idea and started a company.

After that, I got two phone calls in one month from women thanking me for the stun gun, because they had to use it. I was TORN UP! I had no idea what they would have done without Damsel products and knowledge!  I was still a baby in this company, so I was still working within my friends and family circle.  These were ladies that were dear friends whom I loved very, very much.  I cried and cried, and at that moment, I was all in, 100% career damsel, a crime fighting super hero.

I immediately grew a team without even really trying super hard, promoted up the ranks high enough to be invited to leadership training, where I got so sick that  I had to be flown home to go to a Portland hospital. 

The day I got home, two things happened.  I got a phone call from Bob Hipple, our CEO just checking up on me and making sure I didn’t need anything.  At this point he didn’t know me from any other pro, which means he would have called any of us.  He cared enough about each and every one of us that he called just to make sure I didn't need anything. 

The second thing that happened was getting an instant message from Mindy Lin, one of the co-founders, again, asking me if I needed anything and telling me how sorry she was that I had to miss the second half of Leadership Training.  I barely met her for five seconds, yet as soon as she found out I had to fly home, she was making sure I was okay. 

This, my friends, is a company with more heart than any I have ever been a part of.

Then, Mindy and Bethany came to Portland for a drop-in rally and I got to really meet them for the first time.  As soon as I walked in the door, Mindy and Bethany were hugging me and asking how I was.   I got to hear them speak live for the first time about their mission trip, and I swear I could see those girls from the Philippines staring at me through their eyes.   I knew then, that no matter how hard the road got, I would not fail them. 

A few more months rolled by, and I got another message from Mindy Lin asking if I would give a blurb on my story for National Sexual Assault Awareness month.   Gritting my teeth, I agreed, and there I was, showcased on the corporate page, then shared all throughout the land.  As scary as it was, it was also uplifting and healing….., and then was asked to speak at the second annual conference.

Wait....you want me to what? Tell my entire story in front of about 250 people?  Holy.  How do you say no to that?  How do you say yes?

You see, I'm a survivor, not only of sexual abuse from my father, but several attackers and tragedies that go along with spending your first 30 years as a victim. I was terrified but ready to use my story for good.

I took the stage, microphone shaking in my hand, voice shaking in my throat, and knees shaking beneath me and told my story.  Half way through, when the gasp happened where it always does when I tell my story, I wanted to run away and hide, but I didn’t.  I stayed and kept going because there is healing beyond the gasp.

Since, I have fallen more and more in love with what I do. I'm not a sales person. I am an educator who happens to also have self-defense tools, road side kits, and home protection products that you can purchase. I teach common sense self-defense above all, and give women the education and tools to survive. Through that, I have birthed countless survivors from the depths of being victims. I have given light to so many who were trapped in darkness, and I get emails every single day thanking me for my courage to take a stand and help them see that there is peace through healing.  Because of that, I will keep talking, keep sharing, and keep going through the gasp.

Damsel in Defense has given me more healing in one year than anything else I have tried all of my life.  I have created bonds stronger than steel with some of the most gracious and amazing women on the planet.  I have seen amazing things, and they just keep coming.

If you’re a victim, there is help.  I can help you find it.  If you’re a survivor, there are people who need you.  I can show you how to help them.  If you believe in becoming a crime fighting super hero, I can help with that too.

Are you ready to change your life?  Let’s talk.  sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com