Wonder Woman Wednesday-I chose life

Whenever I attend a training that is being taught by a police officer, no matter what I’m learning about, one thing always remains the same:

I am going home to my family tonight, I and whether they go home to theirs is up to them.

The point of that sentence is to show us we have to make a choice to survive.  We have to choose before we even get into a situation that we are going to fight for our life not worrying about the person who might be attacking us. 

In September of 2006, Portland resident Susan Walters came home from her job as an ER nurse to find Edward Haffey waiting for her. 

“Not having any clue why he was in my home, I knew, I could feel his intent to kill me,” she says as she explains the details of the night.

That night, Walters had to fight for her life, and ended up winning.  Haffey on lost his life that night, but not before saying, “You’re strong,” his last words alive.

Susan Walters

In court, she explained that Haffey was waiting for her with a hammer.  She immediately began to fight.  They struggled a bit, but Walters eventually grabbed the hammer away from him.  They fought for 14 minutes, and in the end, with her hands around his throat, she said, “Tell me who sent you here and I will call you an ambulance.”

Michael Kuhnhausen

Later, Walters found out that her husband, Michael Kuhnhausen, hired the man to kill her in their home for a fee of $50,000.

Almost a decade later, her ex-husband  will be going before a parole board and could get out of prison.

“Although I’ve forgiven my ex-husband for what he became, and what he did to me and all those who he loved, I cannot forget what he’s capable of.” Walters explains as the date nears.

She’s not worried.  Walters is ready to fight again if she has to.

“I didn’t choose my attacker’s death for him,” she said, “I chose my life.”

Susan Walters wants her story to inspire women to fight back. 

“If you feel like, ‘wow, I don’t feel like I can do that.’ You can.  You’re stronger than you know,” Walters continues.

Something that will ring true in every account of a woman fighting off an attacker and surviving is that they choose life.  They are going to live, no matter what the stakes. 

Because of her bravery, strength, and mission, Susan Walters is our Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight.

If you or someone you know is a survivor and has a Wonder Woman story, please email me at sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com for a chance to be featured.  Your story could save a life.  Your bravery could lead the way out of the darkness for someone trapped in fear and pain.  Your courage could give another strength to change the world.

The Damsel in Defense mission trip

Why this Portland preschool teacher girl chose to be a Damsel in Defense Independent Pro

Alright everyone, here I am officially! My name is Sunshine (yes, for real), and I am a Damsel in Defense Independent Pro, and I have been for just over a year.

When I first started, I have to admit, I had done so much direct sales that I wasn't excited about doing it again, but I was completely in love with the products. That was the first thing that grabbed me.

I had a couple of parties, and my Pro was talking to me about doing it, and my husband, the analytical one of us, took a look at the hard numbers of this business. He sat me down one day and said, "Honey, this is going to be big. The numbers don't lie. In their first year, they blew most other direct sales companies out of the water, especially for being a brand new category of company. Where would you be if you were in the first wave of Scentsy consultants?"

So, I halfheartedly signed up, not because I didn't believe in the products, but I didn't believe in myself.   My Pro was ecstatic that I made the plunge, and since she has become my beautiful fiery red headed director, Karin Mitchell. 

The first thing that was different about being a Damsel in Defense rep was the leadership.  Normally, I was courted to join a team with promises of training and support, and as soon as my kit arrived, my upline was too busy to help me figure out what was going on.  With Damsel in Defense, that didn’t happen.  Our team is a sisterhood, and we cheer each other on, lift each other up, and teach each other all along the way.  We all bring experiences into this business that are important and necessary for all of us to have a full experience.  I can even call people who aren’t in my upline organization at all and pick their brains.  We’re all Facebook friends, we all run to each other with big hugs every time we see another Damsel sister, and most importantly, we all heal together.

The next big thing that happened to me was seeing  the video of our founders in the Philippines learning about Wipe Every Tear, our international charity that we support.  As I got to know the corporate team little by little, I started to see them for the beautiful people they were, not just some ladies who had a great idea and started a company.

After that, I got two phone calls in one month from women thanking me for the stun gun, because they had to use it. I was TORN UP! I had no idea what they would have done without Damsel products and knowledge!  I was still a baby in this company, so I was still working within my friends and family circle.  These were ladies that were dear friends whom I loved very, very much.  I cried and cried, and at that moment, I was all in, 100% career damsel, a crime fighting super hero.

I immediately grew a team without even really trying super hard, promoted up the ranks high enough to be invited to leadership training, where I got so sick that  I had to be flown home to go to a Portland hospital. 

The day I got home, two things happened.  I got a phone call from Bob Hipple, our CEO just checking up on me and making sure I didn’t need anything.  At this point he didn’t know me from any other pro, which means he would have called any of us.  He cared enough about each and every one of us that he called just to make sure I didn't need anything. 

The second thing that happened was getting an instant message from Mindy Lin, one of the co-founders, again, asking me if I needed anything and telling me how sorry she was that I had to miss the second half of Leadership Training.  I barely met her for five seconds, yet as soon as she found out I had to fly home, she was making sure I was okay. 

This, my friends, is a company with more heart than any I have ever been a part of.

Then, Mindy and Bethany came to Portland for a drop-in rally and I got to really meet them for the first time.  As soon as I walked in the door, Mindy and Bethany were hugging me and asking how I was.   I got to hear them speak live for the first time about their mission trip, and I swear I could see those girls from the Philippines staring at me through their eyes.   I knew then, that no matter how hard the road got, I would not fail them. 

A few more months rolled by, and I got another message from Mindy Lin asking if I would give a blurb on my story for National Sexual Assault Awareness month.   Gritting my teeth, I agreed, and there I was, showcased on the corporate page, then shared all throughout the land.  As scary as it was, it was also uplifting and healing….., and then was asked to speak at the second annual conference.

Wait....you want me to what? Tell my entire story in front of about 250 people?  Holy.  How do you say no to that?  How do you say yes?

You see, I'm a survivor, not only of sexual abuse from my father, but several attackers and tragedies that go along with spending your first 30 years as a victim. I was terrified but ready to use my story for good.

I took the stage, microphone shaking in my hand, voice shaking in my throat, and knees shaking beneath me and told my story.  Half way through, when the gasp happened where it always does when I tell my story, I wanted to run away and hide, but I didn’t.  I stayed and kept going because there is healing beyond the gasp.

Since, I have fallen more and more in love with what I do. I'm not a sales person. I am an educator who happens to also have self-defense tools, road side kits, and home protection products that you can purchase. I teach common sense self-defense above all, and give women the education and tools to survive. Through that, I have birthed countless survivors from the depths of being victims. I have given light to so many who were trapped in darkness, and I get emails every single day thanking me for my courage to take a stand and help them see that there is peace through healing.  Because of that, I will keep talking, keep sharing, and keep going through the gasp.

Damsel in Defense has given me more healing in one year than anything else I have tried all of my life.  I have created bonds stronger than steel with some of the most gracious and amazing women on the planet.  I have seen amazing things, and they just keep coming.

If you’re a victim, there is help.  I can help you find it.  If you’re a survivor, there are people who need you.  I can show you how to help them.  If you believe in becoming a crime fighting super hero, I can help with that too.

Are you ready to change your life?  Let’s talk.  sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Travel terror

Today’s Wonder Woman Wednesday is a tale of travel horror that comes with many warnings. 

“I was pretty thrilled when I landed in Jamaica last May. The sun was warm, I looked good in a bikini, and here I was on my first-ever trip with a significant other.

Adding to the excitement, this was my boyfriend's first time out of the country. Within a few hours, we'd be eating rice and peas in a villa overlooking the Caribbean Ocean.

 My boyfriend and I in Grand Cayman, where we went after leaving Jamaica. This is when I started showing signs of PTSD.

 The reality wasn't so picture-perfect. The town didn't seem to have any tourist presence, now or ever. On our drive from Kingston's airport, a young mother selling fruit advised us to be careful as we traveled ahead.

 But here we were, feeling informed with our guidebooks in hand, stubbornly optimistic for our beach vacation and myself, anyway, overly adventurous from a lifetime of travel "off the beaten path."

Jamaican view

 The villa had a view, but it also had bugs, a layer of grime and an unsettling vibe. I wondered aloud if we shouldn't find a different place to stay. With our non-refundable deposit already paid, we decided to wait until tomorrow's daylight to make any decisions.

 When I woke up a couple hours into a restless sleep, I could still hear music playing from the beach below. I sat up slowly, letting the sleep fall away before grabbing my glasses.

Machete similar to the one used in the attack

 I stumbled naked into the narrow bathroom. When I turned to sit, there stood before me a a tall, thin man, his face illuminated by the near-full moon. This man, who I later learned is named Yuan, stood a foot away from me, smiling from behind the large machete he held samurai-style.

 He was the same man who had come by earlier on the pretense of selling fruit. He had seen me in my underwear, and, it seems, gone back to his home next door, armed himself, and waited in the bushes outside our villa until the lights went out.

Cassidy and her boyfriend

 There was only a beat before I screamed and Yuan swung that machete at me. While the machete hit me repeatedly on my left, his hand grabbed at the bare breast on my right side.

 I don't remember well what happened then. There's no visual memory anymore, only the memory of that scream, mine eventually joined by his, this man who had been seconds away from slitting my boyfriend's throat a few minutes before.

 When this man sliced through the mosquito netting around our bed, next to where my boyfriend was sleeping, he presumably hoped to kill my boyfriend before coming after me. This man did not expect me to wake up, and I imagine he didn't expect a fight if I did.

But I did fight, blocking that sword from ever hitting my throat or chest, where he was aiming, and finally pushing him out of the bathroom so that he could not lock me in, as I believe he planned to do.

 Once out of the bathroom, my boyfriend jumped up and grabbed a kitchen knife. With my fists flying relentlessly and my boyfriend approaching, Yuan turned and ran out the back door.

Cassidy and her boyfriend

 My boyfriend and I locked ourselves in the bathroom, where the toilet had come out of the floor and the walls were covered with blood. In that small bathroom we waited three hours, thanking god for a working cell phone and switching lines between an incompetent police operator, a useless representative from the American Embassy, my surprisingly composed mother, and one very helpful police detective.

It was that detective who would eventually find us, my boyfriend standing at the busted-in window, watching for signs of our attacker, and myself, holding my own machete, which I'd found in the bathroom after our first few minutes locked inside. I stood next to this detective, still naked and dripping blood, and surveyed the scene of a death I saved myself from.

 The terror of that night ended, but its horror haunted me for months to come. Within a couple weeks, I  developed debilitating tendinitis in both wrists. It was so painful that many nights I couldn't brush my teeth. I suffered a full four-months of the worst cramps I've ever experienced, and almost daily bleeding. (I had an IUD put in a week before the attack and I believe the PTSD compounded its side-effects).

The area they were to vacation in 

Even sleep was exhausting. I spent long, restless hours dreaming of horrible things, trapped in terrifying scenes that often felt like reality even after I woke up.

 I took to compulsively writing “Higher power give me peace” and “This is not my life” in my journal.

 By the end of the summer, I was suicidal. I scoped out the edge of bridges, fantasized about buying a gun and spent one long night eating through a bottle of painkillers. In November, I realized that I needed intensive help.  I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital, and began the difficult work of healing.

 Remembering that night, there lingers a haunting fear of the dangers that might still lie ahead. Yet that memory also brings pride. I am proud that I fought back.

 Certainly no woman can make a wrong choice when being attacked. She does what she can to survive. But it often seems that the only stories we hear are of women as victims. Even as children, we knew Little Red Riding Hood only escaped the wolf because the gallant woodsman came and saved her.

 When we returned home from Jamaica, almost everyone who heard the story commended my boyfriend for saving me. I still get angry about it.

 I refuse to lose my story to the power of a social narrative that says women are always victims. I saved myself from the big bad wolf. I am a victim, yes, but I am also my own hero.”

Her attacker, who is called Yuan, has not been brought to justice due to Jamaica’s complicated legal system. 

Cassidy's journaling after the incident

The obvious warning is know where you’re going.  Research where you’re staying.  Listen to the words of warning from locals, especially women.  Sleep with the doors and windows of y our villa locked.  Have something to defend yourself nearby, whether a large stick, a stun gun or a pepper spray, depending on the laws of the area you’re traveling to.  Travel with a buddy.  Have a check in person stateside who also has phone numbers to contacts with the U.S. Embassy and local police where you’re staying.  Check in at specific times and any time you might be off your itinerary.  If you’ll be off the beaten path, carry a satellite phone and GPS beacon.  Listen to intuition.  Something told her they shouldn’t stay.  Don’t wait on that feeling, act immediately.  

Intuition is one of the most important things we can use to save our lives.  There is a story of a woman who waited in the car while the driver, who left the car running, ran over to the ATM.  Suddenly she felt this overwhelming sense of fear and rushed to lock the doors, but it was too late.  What sparked her intuition?  A small bit of denim jeans moving too close and too fast to the car in the side view mirror that only her subconscious mind (the part in charge of the hair standing on the back of your neck) saw. 

Cassidy has acquired a large stuffed animal
collection since beginning to heal
from the attack.

Even with safety measures in place and staying at the most expensive and fancy resort in the world, things can happen.  This attack didn’t happen because they stayed in a seedy villa or didn’t have a weapon.  It happened because an attacker, who is always looking for an opportunity, was watching at the right moment.

Today’s Wonder Woman Wednesday goes to Veronica Cassidy, who in the blink of an eye chose to fight off her attacker, who wielded a machete while she was naked and defenseless.  Not only because she refused to be a victim and broke into action, but because she got help, rebuilt herself, and was born a survivor brave enough to tell her story so that others may gain knowledge from it.

“Remembering that night, there lingers a haunting fear of the dangers that might still lie ahead. Yet that memory also brings pride. I am proud that I fought back,” Cassidy said.

The U.S. Embassy says reports of violent crime and sexual assault against tourists is frequent in Jamaica and advises travelers to stay away from several areas on the island.  Always contact the U.S. Embassy to find out if there are travel restrictions or warnings in the area of travel before booking a trip.  Research the area thoroughly before travel.

Do you of someone you know have a story to tell?  If so, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com and you may be considered for a Wonder Woman Wednesday feature.  Wonder Woman Wednesday stories are of survival to help show victims that there is a light at the end of the darkness, that there is solace in healing, and that even the worst situations can be used for good.  

Happy Valentine's Day!!

How to get rid of negative labels in your life

"Sometimes I feel like a kid walking around in my mom’s clothes."

It’s a form of insecurity that sneaks up on a lot of us.  Questions are born in these moments when we’re unsure we’re even in our own skin. 

Will they discover I’m a fraud?

How long will it take for everyone to see through me?

What am I doing?

Do I even know what I'm doing here?

Am I a fraud?

Then come the labels.  Fake.  Fraud.  Doppelganger.  Then those labels plant seeds that grow into bigger labels:

•   Idiot
•   Failure
•   Liar
•   Looser  
• Worthless
• Incapable
• Ugly

 These moments happen far too often to far too many people to be ignored.  Let’s not only talk about the elephant in the room, but let’s train it to do our laundry.  Our dirty laundry.

First, everyone fails at something.  Some of us are better than others at recovering from landing in the bottom of pitfalls.  Maybe our parents let us fail enough as children then led us through the path to resilience.  Maybe we have always been strong.  Maybe we have overcome something in our lives so massive that we realized our full potential.  Some of us are not as good at recovering, and we have to wallow in the mud for a while.  Some of us never recover and learn to live in a dark damp world void of light.  The most amazing thing about being a human is that we can change our trajectory at any time.  

 I want you to think about the five most successful people you know.  Use your own definition of success, but really picture them.  Close your eyes and spend some time thinking about them.  Now take out your handy dandy notebook and write down the first five words about their successful personality that come to your mind.

Guess what?  They have failed before.  We cannot achieve success without first overcoming failure.  

Second, you are not a fake.  Unless you have a fake name on your ID and are pretending to be a person other than the one you were born being, and you're not trying to flee from a deadly abuser or in the witness protection program, you are not fake.  The key to being real is becoming comfortable in your own skin.  The first step to becoming comfortable in your own skin is to accept that you are an imperfect beautiful creation.  Even your flaws are beautiful.  People who know you think you're beautiful.  I think you’re beautiful.  

I want you to think of the most successful person you know.  The one that commands a room the moment they enter it and is unafraid to speak with anyone they come in contact with.  They aren’t afraid to ask the hard closing questions, and everything they do turns into something that benefits them, almost as if they have the superpower of bending the will of others.

Guess what?  You are as real as they are.  Cell by cell, breath by breath, follicle by follicle.  Now, I want you to close your eyes again and imagine yourself walking into that same room and filling it with confidence.  Visualize your confidence as a drop of pink food coloring in a clear glass of water.  Slowly, it stretches through every molecule until the glass is entirely filled with pink water.  Really feel everyone in that room respecting you.  Imagine yourself laughing and mingling, rubbing elbows with all of the beautiful people.  Imagine them all wanting to be near you and hear what you have to say, because they want to be like you and to be liked by you. Then, I want you to close your eyes and remember that feeling every time you get ready to walk into a situation where you might feel like you don’t know what you’re doing.  Fill that room with the pinkness of your confidence and use that as the lens you view life through.  There's truth to the old saying about rose colored glasses.

The only people who don’t succeed are the people who were sure they would fail before they even got started.  It might not have even been a conscious though, but on some level of their being those labels are still sticking.  You will never succeed if you let labels like fake and failure rise up above you like real life conversation bubbles.  

I don’t care if you think you’re too awkward, too tall, too fat, if you hate your nose, or if you are too afraid to pick up the phone and talk to your customers, first you identify your pitfalls, then find a way to work around them without falling in.  Any shape and size of person can walk into any room of people with the right attitude and confidence and win.  The image you project of yourself in your own mind is the image others will see.  

The next time you feel like a kid in grown up’s clothes, picture an elephant in a pink apron hanging your clean laundry on the line, and remember that you are real.  You are beautiful.  Put on your rose colored glasses.  Change your labels.  You are:

• Amazing
• Beautiful
• Successful
• Worthy
• Capable
• Respected
• Trusted
• Loved

If you're looking for a group of amazing women who can help you realize your full potential, please email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com and find out how you can join my Damsel in Defense team.  Head over to my Facebook page and join the safety community.