Wonder Woman Wednesday-The making of a Wonder Woman

There is a clear difference between a victim and a survivor.  A victim is someone who has had something terrible and life changing happen to them, whether it’s sexual assault, identity theft, or an automobile accident.  A significant change has to happen in order for a victim to become a survivor.  First, they have to be able to work through whatever trauma caused them to be a victim in the first place.  Through that process, they have to face all of the uncomfortable feelings and situations that brought them to this place, but then they have to learn what forgiveness really means.

Forgiveness is not justification of the actions of another person who has wronged you.  Forgiveness is realizing that the situation is out of your control, and you’re passing the judgment on to God, or whatever higher power you choose to give it to.  You can never truly be free until you have reached this point.  It doesn't mean that you’ll never feel angry or frustrated about it again, it just means that you've put the person (or persons) down that you've been carrying around on your back for so long and deciding that you are worth being whole again, only responsible for holding up your own weight. 

Becoming a Wonder Woman is something even further than that.  It takes a special kind of bravery and maturity to become a Wonder Woman.  These are the women who have decided to use their experiences to shine light into the dark places in the world.  It doesn't mean we’re not scared, it just means that we know we have been given a charge, and we take that mission seriously, trusting that we will be taken care of.  It means that we know we have to do more than face what happened to us, we have to hit it head on and bend it to our will, because through doing so, we can save others and lead them to a better place.  It’s a responsibility, and once you head down the road of a Wonder Woman, there is no turning back.

This week, I would like to highlight a teen from my local region who not only became a victim of sex trafficking, but she was rescued, and instead of hiding in the shame of what happened to her, she has joined forces with Shared Hope International to spread awareness of how simple it is for a teenage girl to fall into the terrible siphon of sex trafficking.

Brianna was a normal teenage girl with a loving home and parents who gave her all they could offer in a middle class home.  Little did she know, there were men in her small town watching her and waiting for the perfect moment to start grooming her into a life of trafficking.   Brianna aspired to get out of her small town, like many small town girls do.  She needed money for college, and they were going to provide it to her.  All she had to do was dance a little bit, or so she thought.  Dance a little bit became much more, and she found herself trapped in a trafficking situation. 

Luckily for Brianna, someone noticed the signs and enlisted help of an officer with experience in sex trafficking who made contact with Shared Hope International and Brianna was rescued.  She still has nightmares and a long road of healing, but she has joined forces with Shared Hope International to share her story, fight for tougher laws, speak out against sex trafficking, and educate others on the subject. 

Her bravery and courage has made her an obvious choice for Wonder Woman Wednesday.  We love your heart and your strength, and we support you 100% in your mission to change the world.  You can learn more about Brianna’s story of hope as well as the stories of others at sharedhope.org as well as give to their mission by volunteering, donating monetarily, or sharing their stories.  

 If you are ready to share your story and help us in #fightingback against abuse towards women, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com. 

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Stretch out your hand

There comes a time in your journey when you have to stop, turn around, and look at the impact your life has had on the world.  When I used to look back, I would see the devastation of an F-5 tornado a mile wide that would trail off as far as you could see from outer space.  Now when I look back, I see art.  I see poetry and beauty, ice and fire, crashing waves on the wings of butterflies, and through even the worst misery of my darkest moments, I see a mighty oak that stretches into the night sky as far as the eye can see.

The women I have chosen for today’s Wonder Woman Wednesday are no strangers to pain and sorrow.  They have experienced it, seen their loved ones experience it, watched it, and heard about it every single day.  It would be so easy for them to just run away and hide from it, to deny it’s very existence, but instead they face it head on hand-in-hand because they can see the beauty in the darkness as well.  When they turn around, I’m sure they could choose to see a million paths of a million tornadoes just pressing down on them with nowhere to turn.  The devastation they hear about and see on a regular basis would send even the strongest person running to the hills, yet there they stand together, unfaltering, just like the mighty oak they have planted in my path.

These women are wise beyond even their own knowledge and strong beyond their own bravery, and they might not even see it themselves, but I have seen it.  Even trembling with sorrow, they continue to reach down and say, “Stretch out your hand, there is healing here.” 

Stretch out your hand. 

It seems so simple, but until you've tried to rescue a victim from the deep waters of despair you have no idea the peril it can cause as they pull your heart under with them like a drowning victim in the middle of the ocean.  Yet they continue on.

Stretch out your hand.

It began with a friendship which turned into an idea that led them to the place where they are today.  What they once thought was a business venture has become a mission encompassing both joy and hardship, life and death, faith and healing….the list could go on and on forever as you dive into the depth of their being.

Still, they ask you to stretch out your hand.  There is healing here.  There is safety here.  You can leave your fear behind, shed the very skin of your old self, and be reborn anew.  All you have to do is stretch out your hand.  They will take it.  Every time.  Not only will they take it and pull you to a new level of being, but they will show you that we have all had to be pulled from the fire.  Even them.  We've all had to be pulled from the darkness and the shame, but in order to do that, we've had to do one thing.

Stretch out our hands.

The two women I bring before you on this night of revival are two of the most hard working, genuine, real women I have ever had the honor of sharing the same space with.  They have shown me more about myself than I thought I could ever possibly be there.   They showed me that I was strong and brave and shameless and filled with grace unlike the poison filled slug I used to think I was.  They proved to me that I am worthy of a life worth living, and I promise you that if you are ever in their presence, you will see that you have a live worth living to the fullest of the word full, but first, you have to stretch out your hand.

Tonight we celebrate Bethany Hughes and Mindy Lin, the Co-Founders of Damsel in Defense.  I have watched them take on the hardest mission, go to the hardest places, hear the hardest stories, and do the hardest things to build strong women.  I have watched them wretch with sorrow, swallow it down, and turn around and make it into something beautiful, and I have watched them do it with passion, with grace, and with dignity.

Tonight I ask you, are you ready to stretch out your hand?  Are you ready to see the mission behind this great company and let it reach deep into your soul where it will guide you to a place where you can see your true worth?  What do you want to see when you turn around and take stock of the path you've left behind?  Do you want to see a path of destruction, or do you want to see a mighty oak? 

Stretch out your hand.  There is healing here.  I am proof of the strength in these women.  I am a testament to their character.  When I see them, I see sisters, warriors, teachers, and great leaders.  I see Wonder Women.  

 If you are ready to share your story and help us in #fightingback against abuse towards women, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com. 

Every day is a new day

Some nights I climb into bed focused on the failures of the day, the week, the month...my life.

Sometimes it's the hardest funk to swim out of, and it can bog you down for weeks at a time, paralyzing your career, letting down the people you love, cause people to give up on you, and worse, cause you to give up on yourself.

It's times like these when you need your support system the most, but most people refuse to reach out for fear of being a burden.  I have been very guilty of this.  I suffer from a terrible character trait called compulsive self reliance.  What that means is when it gets hard, I go alone.  Unless someone notices I am sinking and reaches in a hand to help pull me out, I loose my grip and fall.

It can happen to any one of us, but there is good news!

Every day is a new day!

When you feel that guilt pushing you against your pillow, just say it!  Tomorrow is a new day!  When you wake up in the morning, instead of dragging that heavy chain of shame, say it!  Look in the mirror and claim the day by shouting, "Today is a new day!".

What are you waiting for?

The Damsel in Defense mission trip

Wonder Woman Wednesday-End victim blaming

Before you learn about the girl, I want you to see her story in her words:

"At about 2 a.m. Friday morning, Jon Koppenhaver arrived announced to my home in Las Vegas, NV. After he broke up with me in May, he moved out of my house and back to San Diego. When he arrived, he found myself and one other fully clothed and unarmed in the house. Without a single word spoken, he began beating my friend; once he was finished, he sent my friend away and turned his attention to me. He made me undress and shower in front of him then dragged me out and beat my face. I have no recollection of how many times i was hit. I just know the injuries that resulted from my beating. My injuries include 18 broken bones around my eyes, my nose is broken in 2 places. I am missing teeth and several more are broken. I am unable to chew, or see out of my left eye. My speech is slurred from my swelling and lack of teeth. I have a fractured rib and severely ruptured liver from a kick to my side. My leg is so badly injured, I have not been able to walk on my own. I also attained several lesions from a knife he got from my kitchen. He pushed the knife into me in some areas including my hand, ear and head. He also sawed much of my hair off with his dull knife.

Her wounds were severe

After some time, the knife broke off of the handle and continued to threaten me with the blade. I believed I was going to die. He has beaten me many times before, but never this badly. He took my phone and cancelled all of my plans for the following week to make sure no one would worry about my whereabouts. He told me he was going to rape me, but was disappointed in himself when he couldn't get hard. After another hit or two, he left me on the floor bleeding and shaking, holding my side from the pain of my rib. He left the room and went to the kitchen where I could hear him ruffling through my drawers. Assuming he was finding a sharper, more stable knife to end my life, I ran out the back door, shutting it behind me so the dogs did not run inside to tip him off. I hopped the fence to the gold course behind my house and ran into a neighboring house. naked and afraid he would catch me, I kept running through the neighborhood running through the doors. Finally, one answered and I was brought to the hospital and treated for my injuries.

Jon Koppenhaver
aka War Machine

I would like to thank everyone for their support through this rough time. I am healing fast and well, and I appreciate a lot of the prayers and visits I have received over the past few days. After many months of fear and pressure to keep this man happy, although I fear for my life, I feel that I can no longer put myself in this situation. The cheating by him nearly everyday, and almost weekly abuse, is now more than I can stand. There is a $10k reward for the capture of Jonathan Koppenhaver at this time. Please report any information to your local police.

Thank you.

- Christy Mack

Christy Mack

Christy Mack spent a very long time in the hospital recovering from her wounds which included, but were not limited to a broken face, missing teeth, fractured bones, multiple stab wounds, and those don’t even come close to the wounds she felt in her heart and soul.

Jon Koppenhaver, who already has a prison record, is still at large.  He is an MMA fighter who goes by the name War Machine.  He resided in San Diego, California and there is a $10,000 reward for any tips that lead to his arrest. 

Now that you know the story in her own words, remember that no matter who you are, you reside in a human body that can be hurt, tortured, raped, and even killed.  Christy Mack is a retired porn star.  She began her career as a model, and then found herself in the pornography industry.

Because of her choice of profession, victim-blaming has lit the web like wildfire after she told her story.  Well, she was a porn star, she deserved it.  She was with another man, she deserve it.  Her lifestyle makes her responsible for it.  She chose to have him in her life, she should have known better.    One Huffington Post commenter said he hopes, “she recovers and takes time to reevaluate her career.”  Another said, “She makes a living being subordinate to men sexually and professionally, why wouldn’t she do the same in her personal life?”

One person even went as far to say, “She’s driving an industry that promotes little girls being kidnapped and sold into sex slavery, so she should be in prison.”

“B*#& was probably cheating on him, she deserves to get beat.”

“U can’t change a whore into a housewife.”

War Machine even tried to defend his actions on twitter on August 10^th by tweeting, “Real men rape their wives and girlfriends, not strangers, don’t get your panties in a bunch.” Which he later removed. 

No matter what your feelings are on this, set them aside.  Christy Mack did not get beaten nearly to death in a porn movie.  Koppenhaver didn’t beat the crud out of a fictional character; he beat the heck out of a girl named Christie who just happens to be a porn star.

I know this Wonder Woman Wednesday is going to create some controversy.  How can you give an award to a woman who makes a living in an industry that goes against your mission?  Porn drives sex trafficking, that is a fact, and I know it very well, but I can’t help but remind you that it does not matter what profession you are in, no one deserves to be beaten.

Think about it this way.  In the profession she’s in, knowing the backlash she would get because of that profession; imagine the bravery it took for her to come forward.  Imagine the courage it took for her to go public knowing that there would be a huge amount of victim blaming.  She did it anyway.  She knew it would be hard, she knew it would be brutal, and she knew that she would be blamed, but she did it anyway.

Today as you read this, I want you to realize something.  Victims remain victims because of victim-blaming behavior in a rape culture.  We can fight against pornography, and I do, and we can fight against sex trafficking, which I also do, but while we’re doing that, we also need to commit to ending victim-blaming.  We can’t fight against one without ending the other as well.

Victim-blaming is a very real thing.  It has to be talked about and brought to the forefront.  We can't sweep stories like this under the rug just because the victim is also famous for having sex for money.  No matter what a girl does, is doing, or has done, she deserves the right to become a survivor, and if we hold her under because of her choices, she will never rise above and be able to use her story for good.  A victim is a victim no matter what.

For her bravery and courage to come forward and tell her story, for being strong enough to handle the backlash of comments and commentary, for looking past the judgment on her life, the threats, the harsh words, and the victim blaming and coming forward, Christy Mack receives this week’s Wonder Woman Wednesday. 

Do you or someone you know have a story to tell?  Email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com and you may be featured as a Wonder Woman Wednesday award winner.

If you or someone you know has been hurt and needs help, I can help find resources in your area.  You are not alone.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-A sex trafficking victim speaks out

Wonder Woman Wednesday

Welcome to the first Wonder Woman Wednesday!  Wednesday blog posts are now going to be featuring women who have beat the odds, raised awareness, and gone out on a limb to make a difference in the lives of others.

They may not have an invisible jet or lasso of truth, but they are true wonder women because they have something more important-they are overcomers who have set aside their own shame, embarrassment, sorrow, and pain to help others.

Some of us were put here to be doctors, some of us were put here to be astronauts, and some of us were put here to build wondrous works of art.  Others of us were put here to lead the broken out of the darkness and into the light.   

Today's story comes from a girl named Alex who was brave enough to share her story and spread awareness about sex trafficking.  Please help me lift her up as you glean as much as you can from her story.

Do you know of an overcomer?  Are YOU an overcomer?  Submit your story to sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com and you may be one of our featured Wonder Woman Wednesday stories.

As a Damsel in Defense Independent Pro, I am dedicated to helping women stay safe, and I'm also dedicated to shining a light in the darkness and helping you be an overcomer.  If you feel like you are ready to get help, I can direct you to resources and safety information.  If you're ready to join the mission of Damsel in Defense, I can show you how to join my team and become part of the light that shines.
Go to  yourdamseldiva.com for more information.

My wish for you

This is my wish for you:

I don't want to breed a culture of fear.  I want to breed a culture of education.  I do NOT want you to be afraid.  I want you to walk around this world with confidence because you're prepared, whether it's from an attack or a break down in your car.

I want you to join me in the war against sex trafficking.  I want you to be aware of what's going on outside of your doors every single day, and I want you to want to fight against that.

I want you to notice your surroundings and be prepared to take action in them.  If you see a person being hurt or taken, I want you to take action.  

My job isn't to make you afraid of the world.  My job is to prepare you to live courageously without fear.

If you want to start a new financial life by starting your own Damsel in Defense business, I want you to do that with full support of a team dedicated to helping you succeed.  I want you to confidently show the products, share the opportunity, book presentations, and sell enough to help save hundreds of lives.  I want the ripple that goes out into the world from you to be one of positivity, courage, and faith.

Help me declare war on sex trafficking by booking a presentation, ordering from my website at yourdamseldiva.com, or joining my team.  I can't do it alone.  I can't do it without you.  Together we can make a difference in this world.  Email questions to sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com

Don't be afraid.  I can teach you how to be safe, how to help others, or how to become financially independent.

What are you waiting for?

Pimpin made easy-Yes, sadly pimping is way too easy

Post by Ron Jones.

Do you want to be part of something bigger than yourself?

Left to right:  Mindy Lin, me(Sunshine O'Connor), Bethany Hughes
at the Portland Damsel Drop-In

Last Thursday, Mindy Lin and Bethany Hughes, the founders of Damsel in Defense, came to Portland to present the Damsel Mission for everyone who may not have had the amazing opportunity to hear it right from the source.  We packed Hot Lips Pizza on Hawthorne Blvd, and from that moment on, so many things happened.

First, let's rewind a bit to my wonderfully terrible experience at Leadership Retreat in Boise this January.  I worked soooooooo hard to get there only to get so incredibly sick that I had to fly home early and go straight to the hospital.  From getting a phone call the next day from Bob Hipple, our CEO, to the personal message from Mindy Lin on my Facebook page, I knew I was part of something huge.

I say that all the time.  I am part of something amazing.  Something larger than myself.  Something that creates the same sort of emotion in me that I get when my heart wells with pride over one of my children.  I don't say it all the time because I'm trying to sell you something, I say it all the time because it's undeniably true and I feel it from the very depths of my soul.

Back to the co-founders being in Portland.....

At the time they came, I was feeling a little disconnected from my Damsel family.  Our team meeting the month before had to be cancelled due to a freak snow storm, and so it had been a really long time since I was in the same room with my sisters.  I didn't have the best month as far as business growth, so I was really beating myself up for all of the things I didn't do, and I was in sort of a funk, so to speak.

The first thing that happened was a giant hug from my amazing Director, and cheerful hellos from the girls on my team.  It was like a hand reaching into the mire and dragging me out.

Then, Bethany Hughes told me she was so glad I was there and how terrible it was that I had to go home during Leadership Retreat.  That was the hand dusting me off and setting me back down on the ground.

Next, Mindy ran up to me yelling my name and gave me a bear hug.  She told me how upset she was that I had to leave Leadership early and that she was so excited when she saw my name on the list of people who would be there that night.  That was the hand that strapping me into the jet pack.

After that, we heard some stories from Directors that were both beautiful and heart wrenching.  That was the hand checking to make sure my belt was tight.

Then Johnna Johnson, the Vice President of Field Development for Damsel in Defense spoke about the realities of this business, how we have exploded right out of the gate, and where we're heading.  That was the strike of the match.

Finally, Mindy and Bethany gave their story from the very beginning of Damsel in Defense to what the future holds, including every failure and triumph along the way.  They also talked in depth about the mission of Damsel in Defense, the charity work we're doing, and things the future holds.

That was the fuse of the jet pack being lit.

I will succeed at this business.  Failure is not an option.  There is too much of a larger picture that I am part of.  After sharing tears with Mindy and Bethany, who shared tears with girls who had been sold by their families into slavery, I can't look into their eyes without seeing those girls looking back at me for help. Knowing that the more I do, the more girls are saved, the more victims are advocated for, and the more lives will be lifted out of hell and given a chance to soar is the fuel in the jet pack that will keep me moving forward.

Later that night, my aunt, who is actually my "other" mom, shared with me a horrific story of her kidnapping, brutal beating, and near death experience as her attackers were trying to force her into prostitution.  Had I not gone through the life I have gone through, had I not been reborn as a survivor, had I not found Damsel in Defense, had I not had every experience along the way, I may have never known that about one of the people I love most in the world.

Like I said, and I will continue to say, I am part of something amazing.  I'm saving lives and I'm changing lives.

If you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to a better world, let's talk.  For more information visit yourdamseldiva.com or email me at sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.  Let's talk about your future.

Enduring the scars of your past

It's why Damsel in Defense made perfect senses to me

“Some days are better than others.  Some days you just can’t figure out.” –Meredith Brooks

Every day when you look in the mirror, you should see something different than you did the day before.  I’m not talking about crow’s feet or laugh lines; I’m talking about you as a whole being.   How can I say that with complete faith?  Endurance.  We all start everything we do at the beginning.  We started walking by taking one step forward, then falling on our rear ends.  We started using a cup without a lid by picking it up and spilling it.  Everything we have ever done began at the beginning, and we get better because we’re constantly building endurance.

Endurance isn’t only specific to muscles or fine motor skills.  Endurance also accounts for getting better at our jobs, our marriages, our lives, and reversing our deficits. 

Tonight, as I was looking in the mirror, I turned and saw a scar.  It’s a familiar scar, and the pain that radiated from it when it was an open would has long gone.  Most of the time, I think the pain from how it got there is gone too, but then I’ll see it’s creation in bits and pieces flashing back like the reflection of passing lights in fragments of broken glass.  Bits and pieces like cars whizzing by on the freeway.  Not long ago, I would look at that scar and the emotions of its creation would pour out of it like hot white light as if it was still an open wound.  Not long before that, those emotions would grip my heart and cripple me, creating debilitating fear, hate, and shame.  Not long before that, I couldn’t even turn my shoulder in that direction when looking in the mirror because I couldn’t stand the thought that it even existed, so I kept it covered at all costs.  

The reason I can look at it now and not let it take over my life is because I built endurance to tolerate it.  Whether I like it or not, it’s here and it will never go away.  It is part of me and I am part of it.  I built endurance through counselling, my support system, and my church family.  I let God touch it with his healing hands and trusted that He would release the negativity from it.  I learned how to live with it and turn it into motivation to help others.  I stumbled at first, and I fell a lot, but every time I fell I got back up and started again.  Every time I got back up, I got a little farther before I fell again.  Now I see it, and the person wearing it as a warrior.  I see it as the mark of a champion fighting for other women who are still trapped in that terrible raw pain after an attack.  I see it as a reminder that no matter how wonderful the world is, there is also ugliness, and unless you learn to recognize that ugliness, you won’t see it for what it is when it looks you in the eye just before it pounces.

The night I got the scar in question was just like any other night.  It was a cool fall evening during my 16^th year.  My boyfriend had to work after the football game, so I decided to go to a party with a friend.  There was drinking involved, and a very dark train tunnel that we should have never been walking around in.  A man in his early 20’s was there, and he kept being near me, striking up conversations and saying things that made me feel like I wasn’t brave enough, or trusting enough, or hard core enough, and I felt like I wanted to prove him wrong.  Some sort of Spidey sense went off in the back of my brain like fireworks, but I was intoxicated, and didn’t have enough courage to ask my friend to take me home and seem like a total dork.  About an hour later, I was off looking for a suitable bathroom spot, when something slammed against me.  It happened so fast.  I didn’t see it coming.  I hit the ground with a thud, knocking the wind out of me.   A rock dug into my shoulder while I gasped for air.  The pain was immense, and I was trying to scream, but a large hand that smelled like whiskey and tasted like salt and dirt covered my mouth.  The harder I fought, the harder he held tight, and I found myself struggling to breathe.  I tasted blood from the split in my lip.  That rock dug in deeper and deeper, and although the immediate horror was over in a matter of minutes, the lasting scars from that gravel hill are with me forever, never ceasing to remind me of that one dark pinpoint in my lifeline.

It wasn’t the last, and definitely not the first time I had fallen prey to a predator, and it wasn’t even the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, but it’s the only one that left a visible mark for me to see when I look in the mirror every day.

Now that scar is a visible reminder of what’s out there.  It’s motivation for me to push forward all the time so I don’t end up there ever again.  It’s why Damsel in Defense made such perfect sense to me and why I became an Independent Pro.  I can use the drive from that scar to teach women how to stay safe, so hopefully they will never have to face down a permanent reminder of what happened to them.  It’s a very big part of why I stand up in front of strangers in living rooms all over spreading the Damsel in Defense mission to educate, equip, and empower women.  It’s a reminder of how hard I have worked to build up enough endurance so that I can completely reframe the events in my life.

Some days are better than others, and some days you just can’t figure out, but when you pull yourself out of a bad day and start again, you will build the endurance you need to get through another and endure the scars of your past.

If you’re ready to join a team and make a difference, let’s talk about what that looks like for you.  If you’re ready to host a self-defense presentation in your home, I can make that happen.  For more information, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.