Wonder Woman Wednesday-Rape gets the spotlight at Amherst College

On May 25, 2001, Angie Epifano was held down and raped by an acquaintance on the campus of Amherst College.  Amherst blamed her, shamed her, took away her privilege to study abroad, and even had her sent to a psych ward.  This experience destroyed Angie.  They would not let her report him, and she eventually left the college without graduating while her rapist graduated with honors. 

“Eventually I reached a dangerously low point, and, in my despondency, began going to the campus’ sexual assault counselor. In short I was told: No you can’t change dorms, there are too many students right now. Pressing charges would be useless, he’s about to graduate, there’s not much we can do. Are you SURE it was rape? It might have just been a bad hookup…You should forgive and forget.” Angie tells in her sorrow filled shocking recount of her experience with Amherst. 

“I was continuously told that I had to forgive him, that I was crazy for being scared on campus, and that there was nothing that could be done. They told me: We can report your rape as a statistic, you know for records, but I don’t recommend that you go through a disciplinary hearing. It would be you, a faculty adviser of your choice, him, and a faculty adviser of his choice in a room where you would be trying to prove that he raped you. You have no physical evidence, it wouldn't get you very far to do this,” she continues.

According to the “statistics” gathered by the sexual assault counseling center, Amherst has been home to several serial rapists, or men who have raped more than 5 women.  The rapists always graduate, and the victims are left holding the shattered pieces of their lives while the Dean tells them it’s their fault.

Amherst is just one of hundreds of colleges with a sexual assault reporting problem.

Students at Amherst have begun to put the pressure on administrators over how the school treats victims of rape by creating a photo series where survivors held up large cards with the responses from administrators, friends, peers, counselors, and others. 

Lee, a senior at Amherst said to the Huffington Post, “We wanted to show that Angie was not alone in her mistreatment and abuse by college administrators, but the administration’s actions don’t exist in a vacuum—they exist in a larger culture in which too often, victims are silenced and perpetrators excused.  We have to think about how we, as friends or peers of survivors, contribute to a culture of silence through our insensitive and thoughtless words.”

The photo series sent shockwaves across college campuses raising awareness for the way victims of sexual assault on campus are handled.  42% of women in college who are raped tell no one about the assault, and 95% of sexual assault victims never report the attacks to the authorities because they are stopped dead in their tracks at the administration level.

“Photos are visual and engaging, and they can be a powerful tool for documenting social injustice,” Lee continued, “I think partly what made this project so powerful was that it was specific to Amherst College—the survivors involved are our friends and peers, people we know, and the quotations are also from members of our community.”

The survivors in the series hope to change how the problem is handled at Amherst, particularly by Amherst College President Biddy Martin.

See the complete photo collection here.

An online magazine called It Happens Here has also been created by Amherst students as a way to bring attention to the issue.  

Since, Biddy has been very quick to institute a number of immediate changes.  Other colleges have taken notice and have started their own processes to make change. 

The week’s Wonder Woman Wednesday showcase goes to the brave survivors of college campus rape.  Alone, you may be only one, but together you can raise your voices to the sky and create change so that women who follow behind you can attend a stronger, safer experience. 

You can find Angie’s complete story here. 

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, don’t let anyone tell you not to report it.  The National Sexual Assault Hotline has people on duty right now who can help you through the process, just call 1.800.656.HOPE.

If you are ready to share your story and help us in #fightingback against abuse towards women, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.  

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Woman stabbed over 40 times makes educating others her mission

Since the launch of Wonder Woman Wednesday on my Damsel in Defense blog, I have read, listened to, and watched some amazingly heroic stories.  All of them ripped my heart right out of my chest and lit it on fire, but this week, one took me by surprise. 

In 2005, Ilianexy Morales was a 33 year old beautiful woman with her entire life ahead of her.  She had recently broken it off with her boyfriend, and was moving on with her life.   One day, he showed up at her door saying he wanted to speak with her, and she let him in.  It never occurred to her that he came that day planning to kill her.

In a moment’s time, he pulled the knife from his sock and slashed her over 40 times all over her body.

“One day I was young, beautiful and healthy, then suddenly I was slashed everywhere, my face disfigured and my teeth were gone.  All because one person, who I’ve known for three years, felt he had the right to do this to me,” Morales explains, “I was stabbed and slashed over 40 times, all over my body, face, head, neck, breasts, stomach, arms, hands, legs and feet, and my teeth were shattered by the knife as well.”

After a miracle and three months in the hospital, half of which she spent in a medically induced coma, Morales survived the attack and has since had to endure more than 20 reconstructive surgeries.
 

What kept her hanging on?  She had a 6-year-old daughter and a bedridden mother who needed her.  Morales attribute them for keeping her strong.  She wasn’t going to leave her baby, and her mother, who heard the entire attack but couldn’t help, was not going to have that as her last memory of her child.

Saddened that she endured so much pain and disfiguration, Morales never let what happened to her get the best of her.  She used it to fuel her passion for helping others, and she never quit smiling.

Aryn Quinn, the founder of Beauty Cares, a non-profit organization dedicated to breaking the cycle of domestic abuse against teens, women and children brought Morales’ story to GLAM4GOOD.  Quinn nominated Morales for a day of Glam4Good pampering, stating, “Ilianexy embodies the founding spirit of Beauty Cares by taking something terrible which happened to her and turning it into an opportunity to empower others.  She’s strong, lovely, and generous with her talents and hard learned lessons.  Domestic violence shreds a woman’s spirit and I knew this GLAM4GOOD experience would be a celebration and powerful step to wholeness for Ilianexy.”

Morales explained that her boyfriend was never violent before that day, but was always extremely controlling, jealous, insecure, obsessive, and smothering.  He isolated her from her family and friends and followed her when she was in school or at the store.  She explained that he’d threatened to kill her then himself if she ever left, but she didn’t have a weak personality, and only submitted when death threats came into the picture.  Still, she believed he was generally good.

Morales’s ex-boyfriend was arrested at her apartment the night of the attack and sentenced to 15 years in prison.  He will be out in 2020.

Wonder Woman Wednesday this week goes to Ilianexy Morales, who was not only strong enough to survive, but strong enough to use her tragedy to help other women who might not otherwise know any better. 

Ilianexy Morales-Wonder Woman

“My message to women who are currently in abusive relationships is there is no excuse to stay in such a situation.  You deserve better, you deserve to be treated with respect and love,” she advises, “Seek therapy so others can help you understand that this is not the life you deserve.”

“To women in situations like mine, that have survived an attack and are hiding and ashamed and don’t know what to do, I want you to know that there is help out there for you,” she continues, “It first starts with acceptance; your scars, injuries, and everything else can be treated by amazing doctors that donate their time to help, but you are in control of what’s inside.”

When asked how she feels now, she will smile and tell you she is very lucky to be alive because, “There are women being killed every day by their partners.  I barely escaped with my life.  Do not let it get this far or worse; you must take action now for yourself and your children.”

Not only does Ilianexy Morales get the Wonder Woman Wednesday award this week, so do Beauty Cares and GLAM4GOOD for their mission to empower and educate women to live safer lives. 

They do hard things to build strong women, which falls directly in line with the mission of Damsel in Defense. 

If your partner threatens or physically abuses you, which includes pushing or shoving, there is no justification and it will only get worse.  Tell your family and call the national domestic abuse hotline immediately at 1-800-799-SAFE.

See Ilianexy's full story here.

If you or anyone you know needs help, reach out.  Do hard things.

Do you know of a Wonder Woman?  I'd like to hear from you.  Email me at sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-woman uses stun gun to stop attack

Wonder Woman Wednesday is reserved especially for women who have shown strength, courage, and didn't walk away from situations where most people would run, freeze, or not fight back. 

Today, we want to recognize Lisa Haecherl of Salem, Oregon. 

After a long day at work in February, 2014 at the Salem Center, Lisa headed to her car and had a strange feeling that she was being followed.  Suddenly, a man approached her and exposed himself.  This is the same area where 14 women had recently been groped, so Lisa was on high alert that a serial groper was on the loose. 

Without hesitation, Lisa set off her stun gun, and the man took off. 

You see, Lisa is one of the thousands of women who has realized that our safety is our responsibility, and not having something to protect yourself leaves you open for a successful attack.  It can be anyone, anywhere, any time, and she knew the importance of having a self-defense device, and because of that, the man couldn't carry his plan to fruition.

Most people don’t think about the progression of attackers.  They don’t wake up one day and go, “Wow, it’s Tuesday.  I’m totally going to rape somebody today.”  No.  They start with small things.  Instead, they begin with groping, flashing, cutting women’s hair on the bus, taking upskirt pictures, and other small things.  These are their practice behaviors, and soon enough the high they get from doing whatever they are doing to practice won’t be good enough, and they will move on.  By then, they have chosen the type of woman they like to attack, they have practiced and studied the reactions they get from these behaviors, and they progress their skills. 

If you were going to run a marathon, you would change everything you do, from your diet to your workout and gear.  Attackers do the same thing, and by the time they actually carry out a full on attack, they have strengthened the muscles it will take to subdue you, they have chosen their location B to take you to, they have a backup plan and that plan has a backup plan, and they have plenty of practice in the field. 

Unfortunately, the man who exposed himself to Lisa got away, but Lisa, who didn't hesitate to protect herself, is safe, and hopefully the flasher is early enough in his progression that he realized more and more women are carrying safety devices and will stop his behavior before it gets out of control.  

Lisa took a stand, and because of her situation, she is empowering other women in her circle to learn how to stay safer, and even though her stun gun isn't from Damsel in Defense, the point is that she has something to ward off attackers so she can stay safe.

Lisa is a Wonder Woman.

Do you know a Wonder Woman?  Email her story to sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-A sex trafficking victim speaks out

Wonder Woman Wednesday

Welcome to the first Wonder Woman Wednesday!  Wednesday blog posts are now going to be featuring women who have beat the odds, raised awareness, and gone out on a limb to make a difference in the lives of others.

They may not have an invisible jet or lasso of truth, but they are true wonder women because they have something more important-they are overcomers who have set aside their own shame, embarrassment, sorrow, and pain to help others.

Some of us were put here to be doctors, some of us were put here to be astronauts, and some of us were put here to build wondrous works of art.  Others of us were put here to lead the broken out of the darkness and into the light.   

Today's story comes from a girl named Alex who was brave enough to share her story and spread awareness about sex trafficking.  Please help me lift her up as you glean as much as you can from her story.

Do you know of an overcomer?  Are YOU an overcomer?  Submit your story to sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com and you may be one of our featured Wonder Woman Wednesday stories.

As a Damsel in Defense Independent Pro, I am dedicated to helping women stay safe, and I'm also dedicated to shining a light in the darkness and helping you be an overcomer.  If you feel like you are ready to get help, I can direct you to resources and safety information.  If you're ready to join the mission of Damsel in Defense, I can show you how to join my team and become part of the light that shines.
Go to  yourdamseldiva.com for more information.

Motivational Mondays-I hate Mondays

Every Monday, the same thing happens.  Everyone drags their feet, grumbles about the fact that it's Monday, and sets themselves up for a negative unproductive day.

As a society, we've made it appropriate to hate the beginning of the week simply because we have to go back to our jobs from a long lazy weekend....or more likely, we're exhausted from a crazy two days of shuttling kids from event to event, running around like crazy people, and trying to cram in as much playing into 48 hours as we possibly can.

No wonder we hate Mondays.

How can you expect to have a productive week if you and everyone around you starts it out with anger, resentment, disgust, hate, and loathing?   You can't!  

Whatever you put out into the world is what comes back to you.  If you fill your environment with negativity and your feed with negative memes, what happens to you as a business owner?  Your Mondays will never be good because you have created a negative connotation, would you agree or disagree?

At some point, if you want to start your week off successfully, you are going to have to shift your perception.  It won't be easy, because it's been beaten into us that Mondays are bad.  Many of us grew up believing they were the worst day of the week because our parents always said it was.  Changing a pathway in the field of your brain is going to take more than just agreeing with me.

You're going to have to work at it.  You're going to have to remind yourself every Sunday night that tomorrow is Monday, and it is going to be the most amazing day.  You have to do it every single week until it becomes habit.   When you wake up in the morning, you're going to have to remind yourself to get excited, and you're going to have to send a ripple into the universe that says, "Guess what?  I no longer hate Mondays!  I accept them, I love them, and I refuse to squander the gift of an entire day!"


And change your memes.  

Once you take the steps to reclaim Monday, something amazing is going to happen.  You're going to accomplish tasks, you're going to be productive, and if your business runs on a 5-day work week, your are going to see a 20% increase in your business as a whole.

Once you take control of that day and find a reason to make it exciting, you will see a boost in your mood.  People around you will take notice and want to make the change in their own lives.  Your entire environment will become more uplifting and you will feel more fulfilled.  There will be no more spending and entire day dragging yourself around in a series of forced movements, because you refuse to let a bunch of silly cartoons and negative Nancy's get you down.  

When you shift your Monday perception, so will the rest of the people on your team.  Not only will you have 20% more productivity, so will they!  How exciting is that?

What are you waiting for?  Take your Monday back!

Sunshine O'Connor is a successful Senior Mentor of a Damsel in Defense team working as a Damsel in Defense Independent Pro.  If you're looking or a crime-fighting team with a heart, contact her at sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com or on the web at yourdamseldiva.com.

My wish for you

This is my wish for you:

I don't want to breed a culture of fear.  I want to breed a culture of education.  I do NOT want you to be afraid.  I want you to walk around this world with confidence because you're prepared, whether it's from an attack or a break down in your car.

I want you to join me in the war against sex trafficking.  I want you to be aware of what's going on outside of your doors every single day, and I want you to want to fight against that.

I want you to notice your surroundings and be prepared to take action in them.  If you see a person being hurt or taken, I want you to take action.  

My job isn't to make you afraid of the world.  My job is to prepare you to live courageously without fear.

If you want to start a new financial life by starting your own Damsel in Defense business, I want you to do that with full support of a team dedicated to helping you succeed.  I want you to confidently show the products, share the opportunity, book presentations, and sell enough to help save hundreds of lives.  I want the ripple that goes out into the world from you to be one of positivity, courage, and faith.

Help me declare war on sex trafficking by booking a presentation, ordering from my website at yourdamseldiva.com, or joining my team.  I can't do it alone.  I can't do it without you.  Together we can make a difference in this world.  Email questions to sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com

Don't be afraid.  I can teach you how to be safe, how to help others, or how to become financially independent.

What are you waiting for?

My sister, the angel

From left: Sharon, me.

Today I miss my sister. I would give anything to spend another day with her. I would give anything for her to meet my babies. I'm working on the story of my life before I submit it for publishing, and today I'm working on her chapter. At the same time, 'A Thousand Years' by Christina Perri is playing in the background, and I was completely stopped in my tracks.


 I would like to share an excerpt of the untitled story of my life:

Sharon, who technically was my cousin, was really my long lost soul sister.  When I think of her, I see hot summer dust filled days spent together working on the farm.  I see us sneaking off on our horses for whole days, off exploring the desert.  I see the one person in my life who was strong enough to break me, yet delicate enough to hold me when I cried.  I think of her rocking herself to sleep every night because her childhood was also filled with trauma.  Those tender moments when the darkness set in left her vulnerable, yet if you met her in the daylight, you would think twice to cross her.  She could always lift more, work faster, and was braver than I ever could be.  Sharon was the only one who really heard me both when I was talking and when I wasn’t. 

My mind wanders to the rawest day of my life.  Sharon saddled up our horses without a word.  Silently I rode behind her far out to the middle of nowhere.  No words were spoken.  Tears streamed down my face and I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die.  Even my horse could sense my despair, because she gingerly followed along without any of her usual attitude about not being the horse in front.  Finally, we came to the top of a hill, and Sharon stopped and climbed down.  It was beautiful.  You could see forever.  I climbed down, and she said, “Just scream.”  I instantly understood.  I screamed.  She leaned against a rock and watched for a while, then picked up a rock and threw it.  I followed suit and screamed and threw rocks for what seemed like days, and she silently watched me, until I fell to the ground sobbing.  Then she came over to me and put her hand on my shoulder and said, “I know.”  And we spend the rest of the afternoon crying together. 

Sharon never expected anything out of me other than to not give up.  When I didn’t think I could lift another pipe, she made me.  When I didn’t think I could lift my head off the pillow, she threw me out of bed.  When I didn’t want to participate in therapy, she came with me and held my hand.  When I didn’t want to do my chores, she followed me around and made sure they got done.  What I learned from her is how to be next to someone without taking their despair on as my own.  I learned never to give up.  I learned to carry on.  I learned to be patient, kind, strong, compassionate, and that sharing a moment didn’t need to contain words.

Just when I thought life would be better, I got a phone call.  It was my aunt sobbing hysterically.  I didn’t understand.  I didn’t know what she was saying, and then clear as day, she cried, “Sharon’s dead.”

************

  There's a long story leading up to my strength to share the story of my life with others, and Damsel in Defense is part of that.  So much growth in myself as a survivor has happened since I became part of this organization.  The mission is clear, and beautiful, and terrible, and terrifying, but if though my work I help one person, than Sharon's life, which was all too short, was for something larger than just me.  I believe she was placed in my life at the right time for a reason, and now I can pay that forward.

If any of the Damsel mission sits on your heart, please contact me for more information on how to order, join the mission, or how to get more involved, please email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com or learn more at yourdamseldiva.com.

Pimpin made easy-Yes, sadly pimping is way too easy

Post by Ron Jones.

Do you want to be part of something bigger than yourself?

Left to right:  Mindy Lin, me(Sunshine O'Connor), Bethany Hughes
at the Portland Damsel Drop-In

Last Thursday, Mindy Lin and Bethany Hughes, the founders of Damsel in Defense, came to Portland to present the Damsel Mission for everyone who may not have had the amazing opportunity to hear it right from the source.  We packed Hot Lips Pizza on Hawthorne Blvd, and from that moment on, so many things happened.

First, let's rewind a bit to my wonderfully terrible experience at Leadership Retreat in Boise this January.  I worked soooooooo hard to get there only to get so incredibly sick that I had to fly home early and go straight to the hospital.  From getting a phone call the next day from Bob Hipple, our CEO, to the personal message from Mindy Lin on my Facebook page, I knew I was part of something huge.

I say that all the time.  I am part of something amazing.  Something larger than myself.  Something that creates the same sort of emotion in me that I get when my heart wells with pride over one of my children.  I don't say it all the time because I'm trying to sell you something, I say it all the time because it's undeniably true and I feel it from the very depths of my soul.

Back to the co-founders being in Portland.....

At the time they came, I was feeling a little disconnected from my Damsel family.  Our team meeting the month before had to be cancelled due to a freak snow storm, and so it had been a really long time since I was in the same room with my sisters.  I didn't have the best month as far as business growth, so I was really beating myself up for all of the things I didn't do, and I was in sort of a funk, so to speak.

The first thing that happened was a giant hug from my amazing Director, and cheerful hellos from the girls on my team.  It was like a hand reaching into the mire and dragging me out.

Then, Bethany Hughes told me she was so glad I was there and how terrible it was that I had to go home during Leadership Retreat.  That was the hand dusting me off and setting me back down on the ground.

Next, Mindy ran up to me yelling my name and gave me a bear hug.  She told me how upset she was that I had to leave Leadership early and that she was so excited when she saw my name on the list of people who would be there that night.  That was the hand that strapping me into the jet pack.

After that, we heard some stories from Directors that were both beautiful and heart wrenching.  That was the hand checking to make sure my belt was tight.

Then Johnna Johnson, the Vice President of Field Development for Damsel in Defense spoke about the realities of this business, how we have exploded right out of the gate, and where we're heading.  That was the strike of the match.

Finally, Mindy and Bethany gave their story from the very beginning of Damsel in Defense to what the future holds, including every failure and triumph along the way.  They also talked in depth about the mission of Damsel in Defense, the charity work we're doing, and things the future holds.

That was the fuse of the jet pack being lit.

I will succeed at this business.  Failure is not an option.  There is too much of a larger picture that I am part of.  After sharing tears with Mindy and Bethany, who shared tears with girls who had been sold by their families into slavery, I can't look into their eyes without seeing those girls looking back at me for help. Knowing that the more I do, the more girls are saved, the more victims are advocated for, and the more lives will be lifted out of hell and given a chance to soar is the fuel in the jet pack that will keep me moving forward.

Later that night, my aunt, who is actually my "other" mom, shared with me a horrific story of her kidnapping, brutal beating, and near death experience as her attackers were trying to force her into prostitution.  Had I not gone through the life I have gone through, had I not been reborn as a survivor, had I not found Damsel in Defense, had I not had every experience along the way, I may have never known that about one of the people I love most in the world.

Like I said, and I will continue to say, I am part of something amazing.  I'm saving lives and I'm changing lives.

If you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to a better world, let's talk.  For more information visit yourdamseldiva.com or email me at sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.  Let's talk about your future.

Shine bright like a diamond

Enduring the scars of your past

It's why Damsel in Defense made perfect senses to me

“Some days are better than others.  Some days you just can’t figure out.” –Meredith Brooks

Every day when you look in the mirror, you should see something different than you did the day before.  I’m not talking about crow’s feet or laugh lines; I’m talking about you as a whole being.   How can I say that with complete faith?  Endurance.  We all start everything we do at the beginning.  We started walking by taking one step forward, then falling on our rear ends.  We started using a cup without a lid by picking it up and spilling it.  Everything we have ever done began at the beginning, and we get better because we’re constantly building endurance.

Endurance isn’t only specific to muscles or fine motor skills.  Endurance also accounts for getting better at our jobs, our marriages, our lives, and reversing our deficits. 

Tonight, as I was looking in the mirror, I turned and saw a scar.  It’s a familiar scar, and the pain that radiated from it when it was an open would has long gone.  Most of the time, I think the pain from how it got there is gone too, but then I’ll see it’s creation in bits and pieces flashing back like the reflection of passing lights in fragments of broken glass.  Bits and pieces like cars whizzing by on the freeway.  Not long ago, I would look at that scar and the emotions of its creation would pour out of it like hot white light as if it was still an open wound.  Not long before that, those emotions would grip my heart and cripple me, creating debilitating fear, hate, and shame.  Not long before that, I couldn’t even turn my shoulder in that direction when looking in the mirror because I couldn’t stand the thought that it even existed, so I kept it covered at all costs.  

The reason I can look at it now and not let it take over my life is because I built endurance to tolerate it.  Whether I like it or not, it’s here and it will never go away.  It is part of me and I am part of it.  I built endurance through counselling, my support system, and my church family.  I let God touch it with his healing hands and trusted that He would release the negativity from it.  I learned how to live with it and turn it into motivation to help others.  I stumbled at first, and I fell a lot, but every time I fell I got back up and started again.  Every time I got back up, I got a little farther before I fell again.  Now I see it, and the person wearing it as a warrior.  I see it as the mark of a champion fighting for other women who are still trapped in that terrible raw pain after an attack.  I see it as a reminder that no matter how wonderful the world is, there is also ugliness, and unless you learn to recognize that ugliness, you won’t see it for what it is when it looks you in the eye just before it pounces.

The night I got the scar in question was just like any other night.  It was a cool fall evening during my 16^th year.  My boyfriend had to work after the football game, so I decided to go to a party with a friend.  There was drinking involved, and a very dark train tunnel that we should have never been walking around in.  A man in his early 20’s was there, and he kept being near me, striking up conversations and saying things that made me feel like I wasn’t brave enough, or trusting enough, or hard core enough, and I felt like I wanted to prove him wrong.  Some sort of Spidey sense went off in the back of my brain like fireworks, but I was intoxicated, and didn’t have enough courage to ask my friend to take me home and seem like a total dork.  About an hour later, I was off looking for a suitable bathroom spot, when something slammed against me.  It happened so fast.  I didn’t see it coming.  I hit the ground with a thud, knocking the wind out of me.   A rock dug into my shoulder while I gasped for air.  The pain was immense, and I was trying to scream, but a large hand that smelled like whiskey and tasted like salt and dirt covered my mouth.  The harder I fought, the harder he held tight, and I found myself struggling to breathe.  I tasted blood from the split in my lip.  That rock dug in deeper and deeper, and although the immediate horror was over in a matter of minutes, the lasting scars from that gravel hill are with me forever, never ceasing to remind me of that one dark pinpoint in my lifeline.

It wasn’t the last, and definitely not the first time I had fallen prey to a predator, and it wasn’t even the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, but it’s the only one that left a visible mark for me to see when I look in the mirror every day.

Now that scar is a visible reminder of what’s out there.  It’s motivation for me to push forward all the time so I don’t end up there ever again.  It’s why Damsel in Defense made such perfect sense to me and why I became an Independent Pro.  I can use the drive from that scar to teach women how to stay safe, so hopefully they will never have to face down a permanent reminder of what happened to them.  It’s a very big part of why I stand up in front of strangers in living rooms all over spreading the Damsel in Defense mission to educate, equip, and empower women.  It’s a reminder of how hard I have worked to build up enough endurance so that I can completely reframe the events in my life.

Some days are better than others, and some days you just can’t figure out, but when you pull yourself out of a bad day and start again, you will build the endurance you need to get through another and endure the scars of your past.

If you’re ready to join a team and make a difference, let’s talk about what that looks like for you.  If you’re ready to host a self-defense presentation in your home, I can make that happen.  For more information, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.

Damsel in Defense is not only about stun guns and pepper spray

Damsel in Defense is becoming well known for stun guns and pepper spray, but we also have road side emergency kits and this wonderful Road Trip Auto Tool.  This tool should be in the center console or door pocket of every vehicle.  If you don't have a center console or door pocket because you have an older vehicle, just purchase a strip of heavy duty Velcro at your local fabric store and stick it over the Road Trip Auto Tool right to the ceiling where you can reach it should your seat belt lock.

You can purchase this wonderful versatile tool at yourdamseldiva.com.

 Post by Damsel In Defense Corporate.

Man uses stun gun on wife over football bet

"MAYVILLE | All is not fair in love and football.

That’s what one Illinois man found out last night during the intense Packers/Bears game that led him to use an electronic stun gun on his wife.

John Grant, 42, of Tinley Park, made his initial appearance today on the charge of use of an electric weapon.

A 12:39 a.m. a Mayville Police officer responded to Dan’s King Pin, 31 N. Main St., to speak to a woman who reported that her husband had used a stun gun on her three times while at Sidelines Tap, 111 S. Main St.

The wife said that while the two were smoking cigarettes outside of Sidelines, Grant had used the stun gun twice on her butt and once on her thigh. She said that she has burn marks on her butt although she did not request emergency medical treatment.

After the game the two walked back to the semi-truck that they call home and Grant was angry. He threw his wife’s dog out of the truck and would not let the woman in. At that time she walked back to Dan’s King Pin to use a telephone.

Grant said that the two had made a bet on the game as she is a Packers fan and he’s a Bears fan. If the Packers lost, she would be shocked with the stun gun.

In reviewing the woman’s text messages about the bet and a cellphone video, the officer determined that she did make the bet with her husband and that she did consent to having a stun gun being used on her. She told the officers that she didn’t think her husband would actually use the weapon on her.

The woman filled out a no consent form prior to the officer speaking with Grant. The form was considered void after reviewing the texts and video. In searching Grant’s semi-truck, police found a black stun gun. He was then taken into custody.

If convicted, Grant faces up to $10,000 in fines and up to six years in prison. Stun guns are illegal in Wisconsin without a conceal and carry permit. The man did not have a conceal and carry permit in any state. A Horicon Police officer and Dodge County Sheriff’s deputy also responded to the incident."

That was the news story reported by The Beaver Dam Daily Citizen.  I watched the video and all I can say is THANK GOODNESS it didn't seem to be a very powerful one.  Make sure you know what you have before you use it.  yourdamseldiva.com

Bugout Bag 101-Damsel in Defense in your bugout bag

Could be due to a natural disaster making your home unsafe,
or a man-made disaster ranging from natural gas leak
to terrorist or wartime situations.  It's not all about the zombies
folks!

Ladies, we all know that we need a bugout bag.  We’ve heard about them, we’ve seen them advertised, and you can spend an astronomical amount of money buying one that has been put together for you, but what do you really need in a bugout bag? 

1. What is a bugout bag?

A bugout bag is a bag that contains everything your family needs in the event that you need to escape quickly.  This could be due to a natural disaster making your home unsafe or a manmade disaster ranging from natural gas leaks to terrorist or wartime situations.  It's not all about the zombies, folks!

2.    Where should my bugout bag be stored?

Store your bugout bag where you can grab it on a dead run on your way out of the house.  Many people store theirs in the trunk of their car so they don’t have to worry about which direction they have to exit their home.  Things to remember are:

·       Don’t bury it in a closet
·       If you store it in your car, are your keys handy all the time to get it out?
·       If you store it in the front of your home and have to escape out the back, how will you get it?

3.    Who should carry a bugout bag?

Everyone.  If you’re married, you should each have a bugout bag.  If you have children, they should each have a bugout bag, providing they are strong enough to carry a backpack.  Mom and dad can carry the bulk of it, but a child can also carry a pack filled with lightweight things such as freeze dried backpack meals, an emergency blanket, a filter straw, an ultra-light whistle, and a collapsible water bottle for water collection.

4.    What do I put in my bugout bag?

There are three essential things your bugout bag should have:

·       Shelter
·       Water
·       Food
·       Emergency supplies

In that order.  In a survival situation, you have 3 hours to secure shelter, 3 days to secure water, and 3 weeks to secure food for optimal survival.  Let’s break each one down.

·       Shelter-shelter doesn’t have to be a structure.  It can be as simple as making sure you pack an emergency blanket for each person in your family.  Think light.  You may have to carry your bugout bag for a while, so you don’t want to be packing a structure around with you.  Leave that fancy pop-up canopy behind.  Make sure everyone has a pair of hiking boots, a pair of jeans, 2 pairs of socks that are not cotton, 2 shirts, a light weight waterproof jacket, long underwear, a beanie hat, and a bandana.  Ultra light tents are perfect for bugout bags, but if you can’t afford one, pack a tarp large enough for your family to huddle under, but not so large that it is cumbersome and heavy.

·       Water-You need one gallon of water per person per day in optimal conditions, but in a bugout bag, that is not possible due to the weight and space involved.  There should be 1 liter of water per person per day.  Most people pack bugout bags with 3 days worth of supplies.  Waterpouches are great for this.  They are small and light.  Pack a filter straw such as Lifestraw for each person.  You can also pack a small container about the size of a pill bottle with bleach as long as it’s air and water tight to help decontaminate water sources that you find.  It only takes ¼ tsp. of bleach per gallon.  Don’t use color safe bleach or bleach with scents. Bleach will not kill some disease causing organisms commonly found in water.  It is better to boil and cool your water first before treating with bleach, but even then it’s not a guarantee that your water will be safe.  Filter straws are a much safer bet.

·       Food-In an emergency situation where you need a bugout bag to get away, chances are you will be burning a lot of calories, so think high protein.  High protein bars are sold at local gun shows, outdoor shows, and also any store that sells a wide range of camping and outdoor gear.  The higher the protein, the less you have to eat to stay going, the longer your rations will last, and the lighter your pack will weigh.  You should also add freeze dried backpack meals to your pack as well.  DO NOT fill your bugout bag with junk food. 

·       Emergency supplies-This is very important to think ahead about. 

o   Medication-If you, or anyone in your family requires medication, most doctors will give you an extra prescription for your bugout bag.  Fill it and put it in the bag right away.  When it expires, take it to your doctor and ask for another emergency prescription.  If you wait to fill it until an emergency happens, it’s too late.  Also pack enough ibuprophen (Advil), and acetaminophen (Tylenol), and naproxen (Aleve) as well as children’s versions for each person for 3 days. 

o   Medical supplies-You need a first aid kit in your bag.  End of story.  It’s best to build your own.  It should contain:

§  Alcohol pads
§  Band-Aids
§  Multiple pairs of gloves
§  Triple antibiotic ointment
§  Bee sting/insect bite packet
§  Burn gel
§  Benadryl-both child and adult if you have children
§  Sawyer Extractor for snake bites
§  Cpr face masks
§  4x4 bandages
§  Gauze
§  Tape
§  Antibiotics-Fish antibiotics are the same as human antibiotics, they just have different names.
§  Sucher kit
§  Tweezers

o   Fire-Purchase a Wetfire fire-starting kit that contains a striker and wet fire starting cubes.  Practice using it once or twice.  Make some petroleum jelly fire starters.  Learn five different ways to start a fire.

o   Lighter-strikers are better, but sometimes you just need a good ole’ lighter.

o   Cooking-collapsible stoves and pots are great.  Also, backpack can openers for foraging for food.  2000 cans of corn do you no good if you can’t get into them.

o   Hand powered flashlight.  There are several kinds, use your best research to purchase one that is right for your family.  Each bugout bag should contain one.

o   Chemlights-These are great long lasting cheap ways to light up the night. 

o   Weapons-Firearms are best in most situations, however, not everybody has access to them.  Protecting your supplies and family can quickly turn into a scary situation, so don’t go out unprepared.  In the very least, you should have a can of pepper spray (replace every 12 months), a stun gun (at least 6 million volts strong), and a kubaton.

o   Personal alarm-In the event you need to draw attention or use it to wake you up, pressure alarms are small, lightweight, and battery operated.  Place them under the tire of your car, under something that will set it off if stepped on, and it could be the difference between sleeping through your stuff getting stolen or stopping the theft.   

o   Map-learn your area.  Come up with a plan and practice it.  Where does your family meet on your street, 1 block away, 3 blocks away, and 3 miles away?  Do you all know how to get to each place?  Do you know at least three ways to get to each place?  What do you do when you get there?  What if it’s not safe when you do?

o   Compass-Learn what they are and how to use them.  It’s easy to get turned around when your landmarks are destroyed.  Teach your children how to use them and how to use the sun to tell which direction they are going.

o   Pictures-Children need pictures of normalcy in the event of an emergency, especially if they are separated from a loved one.  It’s also a good idea to pack a very small, very light stuffed animal to make night time easier.  You can take your child to purchase something together and talk about how important it is to have it in their bugout bags.

o   Hand powered radio-Electronics won’t always work in every situation.  Learn about what is going on and what you need to do with a hand powered radio.

o   Soap and TP-Mom was right, wash your hands.  Most things that make you sick can be avoided simply by using good hand washing.  You can also pack antibacterial gel, or “hand sanitizer”. Make sure there are a couple of rolls of toilet paper in your bag as well.  You won't regret it.

   

    My advice to you is to gather your supplies before purchasing your bags, that way you know how much space you need.  There are a million other things you can put in your bugout bag, but remember, you may be carrying it for a long time.  Make sure it fits you well and that you can carry it for long periods of time. 

You will need to modify yours for your family.  If you have infants, you will need diapers and formula, women will want tampons and such..  Always check expiration dates, and make sure you replace things as they expire.