Wonder Woman Wednesday-1000 Mile Walk

Survivor is a strong word.  It means you faced trauma and made it through.  Trauma either sucks the life from you and those around you, or it fills you with hope that one day we may live in a trauma free world, and that hope pours from you, spilling into the world.

Paulette McKenzie Leaphart is a survivor.  As a young girl, abuse nearly killed her.  She could have let it fill her with darkness, but instead she lifted her eyes to God and made a deal that if he would see her through the darkness, she would make a difference in the lives of children.  Paulette was filled with hope.

Her hope spilled out into the world around her, and she did grow up to make a difference in the lives of children.

Then, cancer nearly took her from them.  Paulette is a fighter, and she wasn’t about to let cancer have the last word.  Through the battle because of the cost of healthcare, she lost everything, including her home and transportation.  Still, through it all, she was filled with hope that she could make a difference.

It was hope that led her to take the first step in her 1000 mile walk to speak to congress with nothing but a few things, a stroller, and her 8-year-old daughter.  Paulette is on a mission to find a cure for cancer, and she’s walking topless in an effort to rally the troops and show everyone that cancer will not define her.  Her actions will define her.

On June 27^th, she will show the world what it means to be a hero.  No matter how hard the road is, she still sings God’s praises and keeps a positive attitude, posting on Facebook, “Singing… I don’t feel no ways tired… NOOOOOO BODY TOLD me, the roads would be easy!!!!  And I don’t believe HE brought me this far to leave me!”

It takes a strong woman to be featured as a Wonder Woman Wednesday recipient, and Paulette blows strength out of the water.  I am honored to tell just a small piece of her story in hopes that it will amplify her strength. 

Please follow her hashtag #1000milewalk and Show her some love, and follow her journey on Facebook.  If you’re in her path, get out there and show your support.

  

Domestic violence candlelight vigil in Gresham, Oregon

Rep. Carla Piluso, Sen. Laurie Monnes Anderson,Multnomah County Family Violence Coordinating Council, and the City of Gresham are asking you to attend the domestic violence candlelight vigil Tuesday, October 6, 2015 - 07:00pm - 08:00pm PDT at the Gresham Arts Plaza.

For questions about the event or to send your RSVP, please email rep.carlapiluso@state.or.us

Domestic violence affects one in three women. The cycle of violence will only be stopped when we come together as a community to end it. Love shouldn’t hurt.

GRESHAM ARTS PLAZA
401 NE 2ND STREET
GRESHAM, OR 97030

I hope you can make it. 

XOXO,

The Stun Gun Girl

Wonder Woman Wednesday-On the path to becoming whole

The story is often the same.  Predators seek out young pre-teen boys and girls with risk factors that make them easy to manipulate.  Risk factors often stem from any kind of abuse they experience from the people who are supposed nurture them.  Kids have a deep need to be loved and listened to, and predators know that.  Predators have a network of people who help them discover these children. 

Unlike on television, most human trafficking isn’t like a scene from Taken.  Most sex trafficking victims were not stolen from their beds or drug into a van on their way home from school.  Most of them already have broken spirits and desperately want to be saved.  Several times I have heard trafficking victims recount coming in contact with people who wanted to save them, and they thought, “I’ve already been saved,” because the life they are living as a trafficking victim is a better fate than they lived before.  At least they have a pimp who loves them at the end of the day.  He may be rough, call them every name in the book, beat them, and rape them, but he loves them.  He’s told them he loves them.  In one recent interview for Wonder Woman Wednesday, the girl who didn’t want to be named said her pimp used to say, “I love you so much, you’re gonna make me kill you, aren’t you?”  She believed it.  In her mind, with manipulated thinking patterns, she saw that as the most you could possibly be loved.

Lynda Oddo and her dog Ryder

Today I want to introduce you to Lynda Marie Oddo from Yonkers, New York.  Her parents, both drug addicts and alcohol, didn’t place her and her sibling as a priority at all.  One fateful day, they were taken away by the state and placed in separate foster homes.  Lynda was sexually abused in one of those foster homes when she was 6, and she was terrified to say anything.  When she was ten, an aunt and uncle with a loving family finally got her out of foster care and adopted her, but the damage had already been done.  She’d experienced sexual abuse already, started smoking cigarettes at age 7, pot by age 10, and by 13 she was using drugs, so she never felt she fit into this strait-laced family.  She was smart, but behind in school, she skipped classes, then she ran away.  She was a slightly overweight 16-year-old with zero self-esteem, and a desperate desire to be loved.

Lynda had a crush on a man with a hot dog truck named Joseph Defies, who acted like a gangster rapper.  Defeis introduced her to his friend Andy Fakhoury.  The two of them took her to parties, gave her drugs, and eventually, when she knew she would be in trouble at home for a bad report card, she ran away with them to go to a party. 

Joseph Defies on trial for his crimes

The men picked her up and took her to a hotel in Atlantic City where they partied until they passed out.  Lynda was drugged and could barely move when Fakhoury raped her.  She was terrified of him the next day because he acted like nothing had happened.  It happened again, and then Defeis started convincing her to sleep with people for money. 

She did it once, and she told them she would never do it again, but it was too late.  She had nowhere to go, no money to care for herself, and she felt trapped. 

Meanwhile, her uncle Steve Oddo and his four sons were breaking down doors trying to find her with no luck.

Lynda’s pimps kept her so drugged that often times she would be drooling on herself.  They also trapped another teenage girl into the same life, and the four of them moved to Rhode Island where indoor prostitution was legal, and proceeded to sell the girls for money on sites like backpage and craigslist.  Lynda, who looked younger than 16, was often forced to lie about her age and say she was much younger than she really was.

Andrew Fakhoury at his sentencing hearing

The two men also sold marijuana from their apartment and set up a music booth to make rap videos to celebrate the thug life.  Fakhoury called himself “Kash” and Defeis called himself “Jemz”, and they would rap about being gangsters in videos that showed them cruising around in a black SUV flashing fistfuls of hundred dollar bills.

They gave the girls drugs, didn’t allow them out of the apartment alone, and never in daylight.  They threatened them, beat them, told them they were worthless pieces of garbage and whores.

Lynda tried to escape a few times, but Defeis would always lure her back with promises of them finally being able to be a family.  Sometimes, after a long day of work, the four of them would sit on the couch and watch movies like they were just four friends again.  When the women fell asleep, Fakhoury would rape them, and if they fought back, he would beat them. 

When Lynda was 19, she was rescued by the police.  She is now 24 and she still struggles with addiction,  shame, self-worth, and the haunting memories of a sex trafficking victim.  Still, she fights those demons every day, offering up her story so that someone else in her situation might not feel as alone as she has.  She’s also connected with other victims in hopes that she can help them. 

Some days she curls up in a ball of tears and wants to disappear, but other days she wants to take up the fight against trafficking.

Lynda Oddo walks Ryder

Many of the trafficking stories you find are from women who are much farther in their healing path, and have established clear lines in the fight against sex trafficking, but at some point, they were all in Lynda’s footsteps, felling lost, vulnerable, ashamed, and dirty inside.  Escaping sex trafficking is the smallest part of the work they have ahead of them, which makes advocacy so important.

Lynda, you are not alone.  Your fight is not for nothing.  The shame you feel inside was not put there by you.  If I could say one thing to you, it would be to keep fighting.  Every day, no matter how hard, no matter how scary.  Keep learning, and keep reaching out.  There are huge networks of people who have formed a net to catch you when you fall.  You were not given a clear map on life, and you will have to look at someone else’s who has drawn a map from where you are.  Countless survivors have been in your shoes where you are right now.  You are not the first, you are not the only, and you are not alone. 

This week, Lynda receives the title of Wonder Woman Wednesday for her passion to spread awareness, for her survival, and for her dedication to helping others push back the darkness and shine the light.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-When the victim becomes the attacker

This week's Wonder Woman Wednesday story threw me off guard.  As an educator who helps women lead safe and appropriate lives, I am always quick to push against victim blaming and giving women stronger rights.  What if that woman in a moment of self defense finds that she has no rights?  What happens to the victims when they become accused of the attack?  What can we do to help?  How do I not know this is happening in my own home state?

Delphine Criscenzo was just that.  A woman who fought for her life and the life of her children and in return, went to prison for more than a decade.  Her story will inspire you to take action, and during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we should all be taking action.

Delphine Criscenzo, your tragedy and bravery is outstanding, and you are leading a fight for change that will save others in the future.





 If you are ready to share your story and help us in #fightingback against abuse towards women, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-The warrior

Once upon a time there was a beautiful little girl born to a farm family.  The middle of five sisters, she grew up working hard every day to help keep the farm going.  She was a bright little girl that grew into a young lady so intelligent that she graduated from high school a year early, even though women did not usually graduate early in the 70’s. 

She dreamed of going to college but settled for a great job at the local Tupperware factory.  There she met the man of her dreams.  He swept her off of her feet from the first moment.  He looked like a movie star, and was a military man, so he was sure to get her out of the small life she saw herself living. 

It wasn't long before they married and she felt the fullness of a child in her belly.  Soon after, they got the word that he was to deploy to Vietnam.  He refused to go and was locked up for being a deserter.  Devastated at the thought of raising a child alone with a husband in prison, despair began to take its hold.  Just before the child was born, all deserters were freed from prison and given dishonorable discharges.

She found herself having to work hard to keep her family afloat.  He never went back to work and drowned his misery in drugs.  It wasn't easy to spot at first, because everyone seemed to be using drugs in the 70’s, but by the time most other people were growing up and finding careers in the 80’s, it became apparent that there was a problem.

Several times she would come home from another long day at work to find everything of value gone from the house because a drug dealer he owed money to came to take everything he could sell to get his money back.  Many times they had to hide the car from being repossessed because when it came time to make the payment, the money had gone to his drug habit. 

Two more children were born, and things just got harder.  He became more and more paranoid and abusive, and she had to work harder and harder to support her children, pay the bills, and recoup from the drug binges he was constantly on. 

Still, she put on a smile for her children and never showed that she was always one step away from breaking.  Things were hard.  There was never enough money.  Many times they had to steal toilet paper from public bathrooms by stuffing purses full, or had to carry groceries over a mile home from the grocery store.  One summer, they were homeless, and instead of letting her children feel any uncertainty, she slapped on a smile and said, “We’re going camping!”

Her children knew about the problem with drugs, but she always protected them from the fear of not having food or a home.  She always found a way, no matter how hard she had to work for it. 

Everything fell apart in one year.  Her oldest daughter started running away and getting into a lot of trouble.  She spent countless nights up crying and begging God to keep her daughter safe.  After things went too far, her daughter had to be sent away and it came out that the man she once considered to be the man of her dreams had been molesting her.  She ended her marriage and entered the worst season of despair in her life.  Her oldest child was hundreds of miles away and one of her sons became very ill. 

Still, she kept her tears to her alone time in the darkness of the night and never let on that she was terrified to carry on.  She carried the largest burden of guilt that sometimes she was sure would swallow her whole, but she kept on. 

Many women who find out that their husbands abused their children enter into such a denial that they end up victim blaming their children, pushing them away and causing them to fall deeper into the chasm of hopelessness.  There are several reasons this happens, they can’t believe that they wouldn't know it happened, or maybe they feel that an abuse accusation is a direct reflection on them.  There are countless blogs created by women who are married to child molesters who justify the reasons they stay with their husbands.  Most of them stand on the biblical principal that once you’re married, you have to stay married, which is great when dealing with any issue that isn't illegal or immoral, but child abuse is both of those things.  The damage this does to a child when they are not protected and treated is unspeakably as horrible as the abuse they endured. 

This particular mother did not hesitate, even after more than a decade of marriage, she ended it the day…the second she learned about the abuse. 

Looking back from that moment, it would seem that her life was nothing but one tragedy after another.  The abuse, the affairs she learned about after she threw her husband out, wondering how many more children were hurt by him, and a million other things would definitely give her a get-out-of-life-free card, and no one would blame her, but she still carried on.

Things continued to be hard, and in some ways even got harder, but if she was nothing else in this entire universe, she was going to be the rock her children needed to anchor themselves to reality, and because of that, they grew into loving adults who push back the darkness of this world and help bring light to those who suffer. 

She gave up herself to become what they needed to heal…to survive, and she did it fearlessly and ferociously.

Her strength and courage through trials and hardships unnumbered are why she is receiving the Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight this week.  She may not have been dealt a fair hand by human standards, but her sacrifices and refusal to let hopelessness win makes her one of the bravest women on this planet.  She’s a warrior. 

I should know, she’s my mom.  She’s an artist, a NICU nurse, a fighter, and a survivor.  Part of what she does as an artist is drawing portraits of babies who are in heaven so their parents will have something beautiful for them.  She does this for free through her business, NewBourn Creations.  

If you are ready to share your story and help us in #fightingback against abuse towards women, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.  

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Rape gets the spotlight at Amherst College

On May 25, 2001, Angie Epifano was held down and raped by an acquaintance on the campus of Amherst College.  Amherst blamed her, shamed her, took away her privilege to study abroad, and even had her sent to a psych ward.  This experience destroyed Angie.  They would not let her report him, and she eventually left the college without graduating while her rapist graduated with honors. 

“Eventually I reached a dangerously low point, and, in my despondency, began going to the campus’ sexual assault counselor. In short I was told: No you can’t change dorms, there are too many students right now. Pressing charges would be useless, he’s about to graduate, there’s not much we can do. Are you SURE it was rape? It might have just been a bad hookup…You should forgive and forget.” Angie tells in her sorrow filled shocking recount of her experience with Amherst. 

“I was continuously told that I had to forgive him, that I was crazy for being scared on campus, and that there was nothing that could be done. They told me: We can report your rape as a statistic, you know for records, but I don’t recommend that you go through a disciplinary hearing. It would be you, a faculty adviser of your choice, him, and a faculty adviser of his choice in a room where you would be trying to prove that he raped you. You have no physical evidence, it wouldn't get you very far to do this,” she continues.

According to the “statistics” gathered by the sexual assault counseling center, Amherst has been home to several serial rapists, or men who have raped more than 5 women.  The rapists always graduate, and the victims are left holding the shattered pieces of their lives while the Dean tells them it’s their fault.

Amherst is just one of hundreds of colleges with a sexual assault reporting problem.

Students at Amherst have begun to put the pressure on administrators over how the school treats victims of rape by creating a photo series where survivors held up large cards with the responses from administrators, friends, peers, counselors, and others. 

Lee, a senior at Amherst said to the Huffington Post, “We wanted to show that Angie was not alone in her mistreatment and abuse by college administrators, but the administration’s actions don’t exist in a vacuum—they exist in a larger culture in which too often, victims are silenced and perpetrators excused.  We have to think about how we, as friends or peers of survivors, contribute to a culture of silence through our insensitive and thoughtless words.”

The photo series sent shockwaves across college campuses raising awareness for the way victims of sexual assault on campus are handled.  42% of women in college who are raped tell no one about the assault, and 95% of sexual assault victims never report the attacks to the authorities because they are stopped dead in their tracks at the administration level.

“Photos are visual and engaging, and they can be a powerful tool for documenting social injustice,” Lee continued, “I think partly what made this project so powerful was that it was specific to Amherst College—the survivors involved are our friends and peers, people we know, and the quotations are also from members of our community.”

The survivors in the series hope to change how the problem is handled at Amherst, particularly by Amherst College President Biddy Martin.

See the complete photo collection here.

An online magazine called It Happens Here has also been created by Amherst students as a way to bring attention to the issue.  

Since, Biddy has been very quick to institute a number of immediate changes.  Other colleges have taken notice and have started their own processes to make change. 

The week’s Wonder Woman Wednesday showcase goes to the brave survivors of college campus rape.  Alone, you may be only one, but together you can raise your voices to the sky and create change so that women who follow behind you can attend a stronger, safer experience. 

You can find Angie’s complete story here. 

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, don’t let anyone tell you not to report it.  The National Sexual Assault Hotline has people on duty right now who can help you through the process, just call 1.800.656.HOPE.

If you are ready to share your story and help us in #fightingback against abuse towards women, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.