Wonder Woman Wednesday-BREEessrig's story

The bravery it takes to step forward and use your story to help someone else is something that should be taken very seriously.  When you already spend your time in the public eye like BREEessrig who has a very successful Youtube channel, stepping out with your story can be more terrifying that you can imagine.

This week, BREEessrig's bravery and courage to step up and tell her story gives her this week's Wonder Woman Wednesday spot.

If you have been a victim of sexual assault, you are not alone.  There are resources and people out there ready to help you.  If you would like to have your story considered for the Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight, please email Sunshine@YourDamselDiva.com.  You never know who will be touched by your experiences and could begin to heal from their trauma through your story.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Body Positivity

There are some women in this world who seem to have it all.  Money, fame, sex appeal, a thin body, perfect hair…you name it, whatever you see as perfect may be out there, but it’s just an illusion.  On the other hand, there are some women out there who struggle at every turn. 

One of those women is an overweight actress who has made her way into a long line of blockbuster movies with her Chris Farley-esqe antics.  No matter how good of a human she may be on the inside, she is met with resistance at every turn.  Critics call her fat, even ‘tractor sized’, and scoff at how unattractive she is.  Boy, what that must do to a person’s heart.  Even still, the once fit and thin woman who some would say lost track of her looks wants to take a stand against body shaming critics, and to do that, she’s creating a line of clothing that will have all sizes of women feeling good in their own skin.  She said she wants to empower women no matter what the number on their clothing tag is.

Because of her body positivity campaign, cries of ‘hippo’ and ‘fat’ were drowned out by the cheers of women everywhere who dream of a world where no one cares what you look like on the outside.  A beautiful ocean of body positive women lifted this actress up and carried her message through the world.

That was…until they all turned on her.

After her last movie, she hit the red carpet and estimated 50 pounds lighter, and immediately the body positivity gurus hit the blogsphere about the day that their favorite body positive fat actress sold them out.  Sold them out.  As if she sat in a back room tapping her fingers together and laughing diabolically as she marched forward on her….treadmill.

So, not only is she the girl with a fat critic problem, she’s a girl…with…a…fat…critic…problem as her chubby adorers turned on her like the nice old lady with the candy house who suddenly pushes you into an oven.  No matter where she turns, she’s met with resistance.  Suddenly every tabloid in the universe is asking her the age old question, “What’s your secret?”

Oh my GOSH people!  Can’t you leave a girl alone?

Graciously, she answers, “I just quit stressing out.”  Really, one day, she just decided to let it all go and 50ish pounds went away with it.  Still, no matter what size and shape she’s in, who hates her for being overweight, or who hates her for losing it, she is moving forward with her clothing line because she is tired of plus sized women having fewer options than their fashion forward smaller counterparts.  In an interview, she talked about the negativity an overweight actress goes through in Hollywood, from the critics to not being able to find a designer that will dress you for the red carpet for your Oscar nominated role…yes, I said Oscar nominated role.  Every designer is dying to dress Angelina, but not the chubby girl.  Finally, she purchased a dress by a designer that you would be able to find at Saks or Bloomingdales, while most actresses were flitting around in dresses they don’t get to keep that would cost your first born to own. 

She was so frustrated that there were not any amazing plus sized fashions and said, “You either look like a 90-year-old, or a 14-year-old hooker.”

Because of her uphill battle, her dedication to body positivity and never giving up even though someone’s face is always against her, Melissa McCarthy is this week’s Wonder Woman.  You don’t have to be battered and beaten by somebody’s hands to be a survivor.  McCarthy is a strong leader and a beautiful woman, both on the inside and outside. 

This body positive Damsel empowerment blogger can't wait to wear something from Melissa's line.  

If you are fighting with being overweight, underweight, or any other over/under, you’re not alone.  There are millions fighting right alongside you.  Don't let body negativity sink you into depression.  

If you're not, help spread the message of body positivity.  Support organizations that help lift women up rather than holding them back.  Most of all, never, ever judge a person by their size, color of their skin, or other features.  You are beautiful, no matter what size you are.  

#EndFatShaming #LoveAllHumans #PushBackTheDarkness #ShineTheLight #MelissaMcCarthyIsRad #AllPeopleMatter #AlwaysKeepFighting 

   

Wonder Woman Wednesday-On the path to becoming whole

The story is often the same.  Predators seek out young pre-teen boys and girls with risk factors that make them easy to manipulate.  Risk factors often stem from any kind of abuse they experience from the people who are supposed nurture them.  Kids have a deep need to be loved and listened to, and predators know that.  Predators have a network of people who help them discover these children. 

Unlike on television, most human trafficking isn’t like a scene from Taken.  Most sex trafficking victims were not stolen from their beds or drug into a van on their way home from school.  Most of them already have broken spirits and desperately want to be saved.  Several times I have heard trafficking victims recount coming in contact with people who wanted to save them, and they thought, “I’ve already been saved,” because the life they are living as a trafficking victim is a better fate than they lived before.  At least they have a pimp who loves them at the end of the day.  He may be rough, call them every name in the book, beat them, and rape them, but he loves them.  He’s told them he loves them.  In one recent interview for Wonder Woman Wednesday, the girl who didn’t want to be named said her pimp used to say, “I love you so much, you’re gonna make me kill you, aren’t you?”  She believed it.  In her mind, with manipulated thinking patterns, she saw that as the most you could possibly be loved.

Lynda Oddo and her dog Ryder

Today I want to introduce you to Lynda Marie Oddo from Yonkers, New York.  Her parents, both drug addicts and alcohol, didn’t place her and her sibling as a priority at all.  One fateful day, they were taken away by the state and placed in separate foster homes.  Lynda was sexually abused in one of those foster homes when she was 6, and she was terrified to say anything.  When she was ten, an aunt and uncle with a loving family finally got her out of foster care and adopted her, but the damage had already been done.  She’d experienced sexual abuse already, started smoking cigarettes at age 7, pot by age 10, and by 13 she was using drugs, so she never felt she fit into this strait-laced family.  She was smart, but behind in school, she skipped classes, then she ran away.  She was a slightly overweight 16-year-old with zero self-esteem, and a desperate desire to be loved.

Lynda had a crush on a man with a hot dog truck named Joseph Defies, who acted like a gangster rapper.  Defeis introduced her to his friend Andy Fakhoury.  The two of them took her to parties, gave her drugs, and eventually, when she knew she would be in trouble at home for a bad report card, she ran away with them to go to a party. 

Joseph Defies on trial for his crimes

The men picked her up and took her to a hotel in Atlantic City where they partied until they passed out.  Lynda was drugged and could barely move when Fakhoury raped her.  She was terrified of him the next day because he acted like nothing had happened.  It happened again, and then Defeis started convincing her to sleep with people for money. 

She did it once, and she told them she would never do it again, but it was too late.  She had nowhere to go, no money to care for herself, and she felt trapped. 

Meanwhile, her uncle Steve Oddo and his four sons were breaking down doors trying to find her with no luck.

Lynda’s pimps kept her so drugged that often times she would be drooling on herself.  They also trapped another teenage girl into the same life, and the four of them moved to Rhode Island where indoor prostitution was legal, and proceeded to sell the girls for money on sites like backpage and craigslist.  Lynda, who looked younger than 16, was often forced to lie about her age and say she was much younger than she really was.

Andrew Fakhoury at his sentencing hearing

The two men also sold marijuana from their apartment and set up a music booth to make rap videos to celebrate the thug life.  Fakhoury called himself “Kash” and Defeis called himself “Jemz”, and they would rap about being gangsters in videos that showed them cruising around in a black SUV flashing fistfuls of hundred dollar bills.

They gave the girls drugs, didn’t allow them out of the apartment alone, and never in daylight.  They threatened them, beat them, told them they were worthless pieces of garbage and whores.

Lynda tried to escape a few times, but Defeis would always lure her back with promises of them finally being able to be a family.  Sometimes, after a long day of work, the four of them would sit on the couch and watch movies like they were just four friends again.  When the women fell asleep, Fakhoury would rape them, and if they fought back, he would beat them. 

When Lynda was 19, she was rescued by the police.  She is now 24 and she still struggles with addiction,  shame, self-worth, and the haunting memories of a sex trafficking victim.  Still, she fights those demons every day, offering up her story so that someone else in her situation might not feel as alone as she has.  She’s also connected with other victims in hopes that she can help them. 

Some days she curls up in a ball of tears and wants to disappear, but other days she wants to take up the fight against trafficking.

Lynda Oddo walks Ryder

Many of the trafficking stories you find are from women who are much farther in their healing path, and have established clear lines in the fight against sex trafficking, but at some point, they were all in Lynda’s footsteps, felling lost, vulnerable, ashamed, and dirty inside.  Escaping sex trafficking is the smallest part of the work they have ahead of them, which makes advocacy so important.

Lynda, you are not alone.  Your fight is not for nothing.  The shame you feel inside was not put there by you.  If I could say one thing to you, it would be to keep fighting.  Every day, no matter how hard, no matter how scary.  Keep learning, and keep reaching out.  There are huge networks of people who have formed a net to catch you when you fall.  You were not given a clear map on life, and you will have to look at someone else’s who has drawn a map from where you are.  Countless survivors have been in your shoes where you are right now.  You are not the first, you are not the only, and you are not alone. 

This week, Lynda receives the title of Wonder Woman Wednesday for her passion to spread awareness, for her survival, and for her dedication to helping others push back the darkness and shine the light.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-The warrior

Once upon a time there was a beautiful little girl born to a farm family.  The middle of five sisters, she grew up working hard every day to help keep the farm going.  She was a bright little girl that grew into a young lady so intelligent that she graduated from high school a year early, even though women did not usually graduate early in the 70’s. 

She dreamed of going to college but settled for a great job at the local Tupperware factory.  There she met the man of her dreams.  He swept her off of her feet from the first moment.  He looked like a movie star, and was a military man, so he was sure to get her out of the small life she saw herself living. 

It wasn't long before they married and she felt the fullness of a child in her belly.  Soon after, they got the word that he was to deploy to Vietnam.  He refused to go and was locked up for being a deserter.  Devastated at the thought of raising a child alone with a husband in prison, despair began to take its hold.  Just before the child was born, all deserters were freed from prison and given dishonorable discharges.

She found herself having to work hard to keep her family afloat.  He never went back to work and drowned his misery in drugs.  It wasn't easy to spot at first, because everyone seemed to be using drugs in the 70’s, but by the time most other people were growing up and finding careers in the 80’s, it became apparent that there was a problem.

Several times she would come home from another long day at work to find everything of value gone from the house because a drug dealer he owed money to came to take everything he could sell to get his money back.  Many times they had to hide the car from being repossessed because when it came time to make the payment, the money had gone to his drug habit. 

Two more children were born, and things just got harder.  He became more and more paranoid and abusive, and she had to work harder and harder to support her children, pay the bills, and recoup from the drug binges he was constantly on. 

Still, she put on a smile for her children and never showed that she was always one step away from breaking.  Things were hard.  There was never enough money.  Many times they had to steal toilet paper from public bathrooms by stuffing purses full, or had to carry groceries over a mile home from the grocery store.  One summer, they were homeless, and instead of letting her children feel any uncertainty, she slapped on a smile and said, “We’re going camping!”

Her children knew about the problem with drugs, but she always protected them from the fear of not having food or a home.  She always found a way, no matter how hard she had to work for it. 

Everything fell apart in one year.  Her oldest daughter started running away and getting into a lot of trouble.  She spent countless nights up crying and begging God to keep her daughter safe.  After things went too far, her daughter had to be sent away and it came out that the man she once considered to be the man of her dreams had been molesting her.  She ended her marriage and entered the worst season of despair in her life.  Her oldest child was hundreds of miles away and one of her sons became very ill. 

Still, she kept her tears to her alone time in the darkness of the night and never let on that she was terrified to carry on.  She carried the largest burden of guilt that sometimes she was sure would swallow her whole, but she kept on. 

Many women who find out that their husbands abused their children enter into such a denial that they end up victim blaming their children, pushing them away and causing them to fall deeper into the chasm of hopelessness.  There are several reasons this happens, they can’t believe that they wouldn't know it happened, or maybe they feel that an abuse accusation is a direct reflection on them.  There are countless blogs created by women who are married to child molesters who justify the reasons they stay with their husbands.  Most of them stand on the biblical principal that once you’re married, you have to stay married, which is great when dealing with any issue that isn't illegal or immoral, but child abuse is both of those things.  The damage this does to a child when they are not protected and treated is unspeakably as horrible as the abuse they endured. 

This particular mother did not hesitate, even after more than a decade of marriage, she ended it the day…the second she learned about the abuse. 

Looking back from that moment, it would seem that her life was nothing but one tragedy after another.  The abuse, the affairs she learned about after she threw her husband out, wondering how many more children were hurt by him, and a million other things would definitely give her a get-out-of-life-free card, and no one would blame her, but she still carried on.

Things continued to be hard, and in some ways even got harder, but if she was nothing else in this entire universe, she was going to be the rock her children needed to anchor themselves to reality, and because of that, they grew into loving adults who push back the darkness of this world and help bring light to those who suffer. 

She gave up herself to become what they needed to heal…to survive, and she did it fearlessly and ferociously.

Her strength and courage through trials and hardships unnumbered are why she is receiving the Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight this week.  She may not have been dealt a fair hand by human standards, but her sacrifices and refusal to let hopelessness win makes her one of the bravest women on this planet.  She’s a warrior. 

I should know, she’s my mom.  She’s an artist, a NICU nurse, a fighter, and a survivor.  Part of what she does as an artist is drawing portraits of babies who are in heaven so their parents will have something beautiful for them.  She does this for free through her business, NewBourn Creations.  

If you are ready to share your story and help us in #fightingback against abuse towards women, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.  

Wonder Woman Wednesday-I chose life

Whenever I attend a training that is being taught by a police officer, no matter what I’m learning about, one thing always remains the same:

I am going home to my family tonight, I and whether they go home to theirs is up to them.

The point of that sentence is to show us we have to make a choice to survive.  We have to choose before we even get into a situation that we are going to fight for our life not worrying about the person who might be attacking us. 

In September of 2006, Portland resident Susan Walters came home from her job as an ER nurse to find Edward Haffey waiting for her. 

“Not having any clue why he was in my home, I knew, I could feel his intent to kill me,” she says as she explains the details of the night.

That night, Walters had to fight for her life, and ended up winning.  Haffey on lost his life that night, but not before saying, “You’re strong,” his last words alive.

Susan Walters

In court, she explained that Haffey was waiting for her with a hammer.  She immediately began to fight.  They struggled a bit, but Walters eventually grabbed the hammer away from him.  They fought for 14 minutes, and in the end, with her hands around his throat, she said, “Tell me who sent you here and I will call you an ambulance.”

Michael Kuhnhausen

Later, Walters found out that her husband, Michael Kuhnhausen, hired the man to kill her in their home for a fee of $50,000.

Almost a decade later, her ex-husband  will be going before a parole board and could get out of prison.

“Although I’ve forgiven my ex-husband for what he became, and what he did to me and all those who he loved, I cannot forget what he’s capable of.” Walters explains as the date nears.

She’s not worried.  Walters is ready to fight again if she has to.

“I didn’t choose my attacker’s death for him,” she said, “I chose my life.”

Susan Walters wants her story to inspire women to fight back. 

“If you feel like, ‘wow, I don’t feel like I can do that.’ You can.  You’re stronger than you know,” Walters continues.

Something that will ring true in every account of a woman fighting off an attacker and surviving is that they choose life.  They are going to live, no matter what the stakes. 

Because of her bravery, strength, and mission, Susan Walters is our Wonder Woman Wednesday spotlight.

If you or someone you know is a survivor and has a Wonder Woman story, please email me at sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com for a chance to be featured.  Your story could save a life.  Your bravery could lead the way out of the darkness for someone trapped in fear and pain.  Your courage could give another strength to change the world.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Travel terror

Today’s Wonder Woman Wednesday is a tale of travel horror that comes with many warnings. 

“I was pretty thrilled when I landed in Jamaica last May. The sun was warm, I looked good in a bikini, and here I was on my first-ever trip with a significant other.

Adding to the excitement, this was my boyfriend's first time out of the country. Within a few hours, we'd be eating rice and peas in a villa overlooking the Caribbean Ocean.

 My boyfriend and I in Grand Cayman, where we went after leaving Jamaica. This is when I started showing signs of PTSD.

 The reality wasn't so picture-perfect. The town didn't seem to have any tourist presence, now or ever. On our drive from Kingston's airport, a young mother selling fruit advised us to be careful as we traveled ahead.

 But here we were, feeling informed with our guidebooks in hand, stubbornly optimistic for our beach vacation and myself, anyway, overly adventurous from a lifetime of travel "off the beaten path."

Jamaican view

 The villa had a view, but it also had bugs, a layer of grime and an unsettling vibe. I wondered aloud if we shouldn't find a different place to stay. With our non-refundable deposit already paid, we decided to wait until tomorrow's daylight to make any decisions.

 When I woke up a couple hours into a restless sleep, I could still hear music playing from the beach below. I sat up slowly, letting the sleep fall away before grabbing my glasses.

Machete similar to the one used in the attack

 I stumbled naked into the narrow bathroom. When I turned to sit, there stood before me a a tall, thin man, his face illuminated by the near-full moon. This man, who I later learned is named Yuan, stood a foot away from me, smiling from behind the large machete he held samurai-style.

 He was the same man who had come by earlier on the pretense of selling fruit. He had seen me in my underwear, and, it seems, gone back to his home next door, armed himself, and waited in the bushes outside our villa until the lights went out.

Cassidy and her boyfriend

 There was only a beat before I screamed and Yuan swung that machete at me. While the machete hit me repeatedly on my left, his hand grabbed at the bare breast on my right side.

 I don't remember well what happened then. There's no visual memory anymore, only the memory of that scream, mine eventually joined by his, this man who had been seconds away from slitting my boyfriend's throat a few minutes before.

 When this man sliced through the mosquito netting around our bed, next to where my boyfriend was sleeping, he presumably hoped to kill my boyfriend before coming after me. This man did not expect me to wake up, and I imagine he didn't expect a fight if I did.

But I did fight, blocking that sword from ever hitting my throat or chest, where he was aiming, and finally pushing him out of the bathroom so that he could not lock me in, as I believe he planned to do.

 Once out of the bathroom, my boyfriend jumped up and grabbed a kitchen knife. With my fists flying relentlessly and my boyfriend approaching, Yuan turned and ran out the back door.

Cassidy and her boyfriend

 My boyfriend and I locked ourselves in the bathroom, where the toilet had come out of the floor and the walls were covered with blood. In that small bathroom we waited three hours, thanking god for a working cell phone and switching lines between an incompetent police operator, a useless representative from the American Embassy, my surprisingly composed mother, and one very helpful police detective.

It was that detective who would eventually find us, my boyfriend standing at the busted-in window, watching for signs of our attacker, and myself, holding my own machete, which I'd found in the bathroom after our first few minutes locked inside. I stood next to this detective, still naked and dripping blood, and surveyed the scene of a death I saved myself from.

 The terror of that night ended, but its horror haunted me for months to come. Within a couple weeks, I  developed debilitating tendinitis in both wrists. It was so painful that many nights I couldn't brush my teeth. I suffered a full four-months of the worst cramps I've ever experienced, and almost daily bleeding. (I had an IUD put in a week before the attack and I believe the PTSD compounded its side-effects).

The area they were to vacation in 

Even sleep was exhausting. I spent long, restless hours dreaming of horrible things, trapped in terrifying scenes that often felt like reality even after I woke up.

 I took to compulsively writing “Higher power give me peace” and “This is not my life” in my journal.

 By the end of the summer, I was suicidal. I scoped out the edge of bridges, fantasized about buying a gun and spent one long night eating through a bottle of painkillers. In November, I realized that I needed intensive help.  I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital, and began the difficult work of healing.

 Remembering that night, there lingers a haunting fear of the dangers that might still lie ahead. Yet that memory also brings pride. I am proud that I fought back.

 Certainly no woman can make a wrong choice when being attacked. She does what she can to survive. But it often seems that the only stories we hear are of women as victims. Even as children, we knew Little Red Riding Hood only escaped the wolf because the gallant woodsman came and saved her.

 When we returned home from Jamaica, almost everyone who heard the story commended my boyfriend for saving me. I still get angry about it.

 I refuse to lose my story to the power of a social narrative that says women are always victims. I saved myself from the big bad wolf. I am a victim, yes, but I am also my own hero.”

Her attacker, who is called Yuan, has not been brought to justice due to Jamaica’s complicated legal system. 

Cassidy's journaling after the incident

The obvious warning is know where you’re going.  Research where you’re staying.  Listen to the words of warning from locals, especially women.  Sleep with the doors and windows of y our villa locked.  Have something to defend yourself nearby, whether a large stick, a stun gun or a pepper spray, depending on the laws of the area you’re traveling to.  Travel with a buddy.  Have a check in person stateside who also has phone numbers to contacts with the U.S. Embassy and local police where you’re staying.  Check in at specific times and any time you might be off your itinerary.  If you’ll be off the beaten path, carry a satellite phone and GPS beacon.  Listen to intuition.  Something told her they shouldn’t stay.  Don’t wait on that feeling, act immediately.  

Intuition is one of the most important things we can use to save our lives.  There is a story of a woman who waited in the car while the driver, who left the car running, ran over to the ATM.  Suddenly she felt this overwhelming sense of fear and rushed to lock the doors, but it was too late.  What sparked her intuition?  A small bit of denim jeans moving too close and too fast to the car in the side view mirror that only her subconscious mind (the part in charge of the hair standing on the back of your neck) saw. 

Cassidy has acquired a large stuffed animal
collection since beginning to heal
from the attack.

Even with safety measures in place and staying at the most expensive and fancy resort in the world, things can happen.  This attack didn’t happen because they stayed in a seedy villa or didn’t have a weapon.  It happened because an attacker, who is always looking for an opportunity, was watching at the right moment.

Today’s Wonder Woman Wednesday goes to Veronica Cassidy, who in the blink of an eye chose to fight off her attacker, who wielded a machete while she was naked and defenseless.  Not only because she refused to be a victim and broke into action, but because she got help, rebuilt herself, and was born a survivor brave enough to tell her story so that others may gain knowledge from it.

“Remembering that night, there lingers a haunting fear of the dangers that might still lie ahead. Yet that memory also brings pride. I am proud that I fought back,” Cassidy said.

The U.S. Embassy says reports of violent crime and sexual assault against tourists is frequent in Jamaica and advises travelers to stay away from several areas on the island.  Always contact the U.S. Embassy to find out if there are travel restrictions or warnings in the area of travel before booking a trip.  Research the area thoroughly before travel.

Do you of someone you know have a story to tell?  If so, email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com and you may be considered for a Wonder Woman Wednesday feature.  Wonder Woman Wednesday stories are of survival to help show victims that there is a light at the end of the darkness, that there is solace in healing, and that even the worst situations can be used for good.  

Wonder Woman Wednesday-faceless strength

Every time I teach women common sense self defense, one of the things I say most often is to fight back.  Fight back.  It’s better to die fighting at location A than to die on their terms with their plan in location B.  Fight back.  You are the only one responsible for your safety, so f.i.g.h.t.b.a.c.k.

I would like to introduce you to a young woman.  We do not have her name, just her story.

At 4 feet 8 inches tall and 80 pounds dripping wet, this 15-year-old is perfect for a quick nab and grab.  She entered the elevator in her building completely carefree.  Curtis Tucker followed her onto that elevator. 

Prosecutor Melissa Mourges explained the event:

 A grainy surveillance video shows the elevator stop at the girls floor, and then you could see her legs flailing as he threw her to the elevator floor which climbed to the top floor.  Tucker then dragged her out of the elevator and into the stairwell where the girl gave him all of the property she had, which included a student Metrocard and a one dollar bill.

Angered, Tucker punched her in the face because she wouldn’t stop screaming and choked her repeatedly, causing her to lose consciousness, but the girl kept fighting.  That’s what Curtis Tucker thought, but he got more than he bargained for.

Our young hero fought so fiercely that they tumbled down three flights of fire stairs.  Once at the bottom, Tucker pulled her pants down and tried to rape her, but she fought past him and ran to her apartment.

When she pounded on the door, her brother didn’t even recognize her at first.  She suffered a broken nose, black eyes, cuts and bruises to her entire body, and permanent disfigurement in the form of a torn lip that didn’t heal properly and is noticeable to this day.

At the crime scene, forensics analysts gathered clots of blood and clumps of hair as well as the Metrocard, a blood stain, and Tucker’s eyeglasses, which were used to piece together his DNA.

This terrible crime was unsolved for years until Tucker was picked up for an attack on a disabled 74-year-old in the same building.  He had to give a DNA sample, which led them to the attack on the teen years before.

Mourges told Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Renee White that the girl was too traumatized to appear for sentencing stating, “She never felt safe again in her building, in her elevator, in her home. She was escorted by family every time she left her apartment for years after this happened.  Every time she looks in the mirror, she sees a reminder of what this defendant did.” Mourges explained.

Tucker was sentenced to 15 years, a sentence he will begin when he completes his sentence for a robbery in 2014.

Because this nameless young woman suffered an attempted rape and signs of that attack remain on her body, her bravery to fight back saved her life.   Because of that, Wonder Woman Wednesday goes to this nameless young woman who could be any one of us or any one of our children.  May she find hope through her survival and use it to lead others out of the darkness.  May we spread awareness so high and low that attackers are afraid that all women will fight back.  May this young woman give you cause to do hard things to push back the darkness. 

If you or someone you know has a story to tell, please email sunshine@yourdamseldiva and it may be a Wonder Woman Wednesday feature.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-End victim blaming

Before you learn about the girl, I want you to see her story in her words:

"At about 2 a.m. Friday morning, Jon Koppenhaver arrived announced to my home in Las Vegas, NV. After he broke up with me in May, he moved out of my house and back to San Diego. When he arrived, he found myself and one other fully clothed and unarmed in the house. Without a single word spoken, he began beating my friend; once he was finished, he sent my friend away and turned his attention to me. He made me undress and shower in front of him then dragged me out and beat my face. I have no recollection of how many times i was hit. I just know the injuries that resulted from my beating. My injuries include 18 broken bones around my eyes, my nose is broken in 2 places. I am missing teeth and several more are broken. I am unable to chew, or see out of my left eye. My speech is slurred from my swelling and lack of teeth. I have a fractured rib and severely ruptured liver from a kick to my side. My leg is so badly injured, I have not been able to walk on my own. I also attained several lesions from a knife he got from my kitchen. He pushed the knife into me in some areas including my hand, ear and head. He also sawed much of my hair off with his dull knife.

Her wounds were severe

After some time, the knife broke off of the handle and continued to threaten me with the blade. I believed I was going to die. He has beaten me many times before, but never this badly. He took my phone and cancelled all of my plans for the following week to make sure no one would worry about my whereabouts. He told me he was going to rape me, but was disappointed in himself when he couldn't get hard. After another hit or two, he left me on the floor bleeding and shaking, holding my side from the pain of my rib. He left the room and went to the kitchen where I could hear him ruffling through my drawers. Assuming he was finding a sharper, more stable knife to end my life, I ran out the back door, shutting it behind me so the dogs did not run inside to tip him off. I hopped the fence to the gold course behind my house and ran into a neighboring house. naked and afraid he would catch me, I kept running through the neighborhood running through the doors. Finally, one answered and I was brought to the hospital and treated for my injuries.

Jon Koppenhaver
aka War Machine

I would like to thank everyone for their support through this rough time. I am healing fast and well, and I appreciate a lot of the prayers and visits I have received over the past few days. After many months of fear and pressure to keep this man happy, although I fear for my life, I feel that I can no longer put myself in this situation. The cheating by him nearly everyday, and almost weekly abuse, is now more than I can stand. There is a $10k reward for the capture of Jonathan Koppenhaver at this time. Please report any information to your local police.

Thank you.

- Christy Mack

Christy Mack

Christy Mack spent a very long time in the hospital recovering from her wounds which included, but were not limited to a broken face, missing teeth, fractured bones, multiple stab wounds, and those don’t even come close to the wounds she felt in her heart and soul.

Jon Koppenhaver, who already has a prison record, is still at large.  He is an MMA fighter who goes by the name War Machine.  He resided in San Diego, California and there is a $10,000 reward for any tips that lead to his arrest. 

Now that you know the story in her own words, remember that no matter who you are, you reside in a human body that can be hurt, tortured, raped, and even killed.  Christy Mack is a retired porn star.  She began her career as a model, and then found herself in the pornography industry.

Because of her choice of profession, victim-blaming has lit the web like wildfire after she told her story.  Well, she was a porn star, she deserved it.  She was with another man, she deserve it.  Her lifestyle makes her responsible for it.  She chose to have him in her life, she should have known better.    One Huffington Post commenter said he hopes, “she recovers and takes time to reevaluate her career.”  Another said, “She makes a living being subordinate to men sexually and professionally, why wouldn’t she do the same in her personal life?”

One person even went as far to say, “She’s driving an industry that promotes little girls being kidnapped and sold into sex slavery, so she should be in prison.”

“B*#& was probably cheating on him, she deserves to get beat.”

“U can’t change a whore into a housewife.”

War Machine even tried to defend his actions on twitter on August 10^th by tweeting, “Real men rape their wives and girlfriends, not strangers, don’t get your panties in a bunch.” Which he later removed. 

No matter what your feelings are on this, set them aside.  Christy Mack did not get beaten nearly to death in a porn movie.  Koppenhaver didn’t beat the crud out of a fictional character; he beat the heck out of a girl named Christie who just happens to be a porn star.

I know this Wonder Woman Wednesday is going to create some controversy.  How can you give an award to a woman who makes a living in an industry that goes against your mission?  Porn drives sex trafficking, that is a fact, and I know it very well, but I can’t help but remind you that it does not matter what profession you are in, no one deserves to be beaten.

Think about it this way.  In the profession she’s in, knowing the backlash she would get because of that profession; imagine the bravery it took for her to come forward.  Imagine the courage it took for her to go public knowing that there would be a huge amount of victim blaming.  She did it anyway.  She knew it would be hard, she knew it would be brutal, and she knew that she would be blamed, but she did it anyway.

Today as you read this, I want you to realize something.  Victims remain victims because of victim-blaming behavior in a rape culture.  We can fight against pornography, and I do, and we can fight against sex trafficking, which I also do, but while we’re doing that, we also need to commit to ending victim-blaming.  We can’t fight against one without ending the other as well.

Victim-blaming is a very real thing.  It has to be talked about and brought to the forefront.  We can't sweep stories like this under the rug just because the victim is also famous for having sex for money.  No matter what a girl does, is doing, or has done, she deserves the right to become a survivor, and if we hold her under because of her choices, she will never rise above and be able to use her story for good.  A victim is a victim no matter what.

For her bravery and courage to come forward and tell her story, for being strong enough to handle the backlash of comments and commentary, for looking past the judgment on her life, the threats, the harsh words, and the victim blaming and coming forward, Christy Mack receives this week’s Wonder Woman Wednesday. 

Do you or someone you know have a story to tell?  Email sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com and you may be featured as a Wonder Woman Wednesday award winner.

If you or someone you know has been hurt and needs help, I can help find resources in your area.  You are not alone.

Wonder Woman Wednesday-Woman stabbed over 40 times makes educating others her mission

Since the launch of Wonder Woman Wednesday on my Damsel in Defense blog, I have read, listened to, and watched some amazingly heroic stories.  All of them ripped my heart right out of my chest and lit it on fire, but this week, one took me by surprise. 

In 2005, Ilianexy Morales was a 33 year old beautiful woman with her entire life ahead of her.  She had recently broken it off with her boyfriend, and was moving on with her life.   One day, he showed up at her door saying he wanted to speak with her, and she let him in.  It never occurred to her that he came that day planning to kill her.

In a moment’s time, he pulled the knife from his sock and slashed her over 40 times all over her body.

“One day I was young, beautiful and healthy, then suddenly I was slashed everywhere, my face disfigured and my teeth were gone.  All because one person, who I’ve known for three years, felt he had the right to do this to me,” Morales explains, “I was stabbed and slashed over 40 times, all over my body, face, head, neck, breasts, stomach, arms, hands, legs and feet, and my teeth were shattered by the knife as well.”

After a miracle and three months in the hospital, half of which she spent in a medically induced coma, Morales survived the attack and has since had to endure more than 20 reconstructive surgeries.
 

What kept her hanging on?  She had a 6-year-old daughter and a bedridden mother who needed her.  Morales attribute them for keeping her strong.  She wasn’t going to leave her baby, and her mother, who heard the entire attack but couldn’t help, was not going to have that as her last memory of her child.

Saddened that she endured so much pain and disfiguration, Morales never let what happened to her get the best of her.  She used it to fuel her passion for helping others, and she never quit smiling.

Aryn Quinn, the founder of Beauty Cares, a non-profit organization dedicated to breaking the cycle of domestic abuse against teens, women and children brought Morales’ story to GLAM4GOOD.  Quinn nominated Morales for a day of Glam4Good pampering, stating, “Ilianexy embodies the founding spirit of Beauty Cares by taking something terrible which happened to her and turning it into an opportunity to empower others.  She’s strong, lovely, and generous with her talents and hard learned lessons.  Domestic violence shreds a woman’s spirit and I knew this GLAM4GOOD experience would be a celebration and powerful step to wholeness for Ilianexy.”

Morales explained that her boyfriend was never violent before that day, but was always extremely controlling, jealous, insecure, obsessive, and smothering.  He isolated her from her family and friends and followed her when she was in school or at the store.  She explained that he’d threatened to kill her then himself if she ever left, but she didn’t have a weak personality, and only submitted when death threats came into the picture.  Still, she believed he was generally good.

Morales’s ex-boyfriend was arrested at her apartment the night of the attack and sentenced to 15 years in prison.  He will be out in 2020.

Wonder Woman Wednesday this week goes to Ilianexy Morales, who was not only strong enough to survive, but strong enough to use her tragedy to help other women who might not otherwise know any better. 

Ilianexy Morales-Wonder Woman

“My message to women who are currently in abusive relationships is there is no excuse to stay in such a situation.  You deserve better, you deserve to be treated with respect and love,” she advises, “Seek therapy so others can help you understand that this is not the life you deserve.”

“To women in situations like mine, that have survived an attack and are hiding and ashamed and don’t know what to do, I want you to know that there is help out there for you,” she continues, “It first starts with acceptance; your scars, injuries, and everything else can be treated by amazing doctors that donate their time to help, but you are in control of what’s inside.”

When asked how she feels now, she will smile and tell you she is very lucky to be alive because, “There are women being killed every day by their partners.  I barely escaped with my life.  Do not let it get this far or worse; you must take action now for yourself and your children.”

Not only does Ilianexy Morales get the Wonder Woman Wednesday award this week, so do Beauty Cares and GLAM4GOOD for their mission to empower and educate women to live safer lives. 

They do hard things to build strong women, which falls directly in line with the mission of Damsel in Defense. 

If your partner threatens or physically abuses you, which includes pushing or shoving, there is no justification and it will only get worse.  Tell your family and call the national domestic abuse hotline immediately at 1-800-799-SAFE.

See Ilianexy's full story here.

If you or anyone you know needs help, reach out.  Do hard things.

Do you know of a Wonder Woman?  I'd like to hear from you.  Email me at sunshine@yourdamseldiva.com.